To anticipate being in a bad mood tonight. First world problems

[thinkfast]

We are going on holiday on Saturday. I work full time with a very full on job and hugely look forward to our summer holidays. I also always get into a pre holiday packing and organising stress.

DH also works full time, but works shifts and as things happens he has this entire week off before we go away.

I have given DH a list of chores such as laundry, shopping and stuff that needs to be done before we go away (IMO). The list includes tidying and cleaning our bedroom as I have been working intensely and haven't had a chance to deal with it. This is made worse by the fact that on Monday when our cleaner came DH went back to bed so she didn't clean our room.

I didn't get home til 11 last night and the room was a pigsty. I'm on my way home now and am anticipating he still won't have touched it and getting angry in anticipation. His view would be that it probably doesn't need cleaning and that if it does why should it just be down to him.

Aibu to be cross about this? If I get home and it's all been done clearly I won't be angry. If I get home and it's not been touched I will be fuming. My temper is compounded by the fact I book, pay for and organise most things including the holiday. I feel like if I come home to a tip I want to tell him not to come

Just enjoy your holiday. The mess will never leave!

Yes YABU. Why are you getting angry in anticipation? If he hasn't done it I would just be like 'oh well' and just concentrate on getting organised for going away. Are you generally on the negative?

You’re being unreasonable.

If a man posted to say his wife was at home and he’ll be in a bad mood if she hasn’t cleaned up like he told her to, he’d get his arse handed to him.

But it sounds from the OP that he doesn't do anything anyway or 'see' mess. Otherwise he would have had the initiative to sort things out himself before the holiday.

Thanks for the comments. Will try not to be in a bad mood, but basically I'm annoyed by what I perceive to be an unequal contribution by him.

Tempted to say he can do all the kids packing this year but suspect that either he will ask me for a list for them, or it means they won't have everything they need.

Nearly home. Will update later as to whether or not he's done anything useful today

YANBU...I'd be cross too xx

I like a tidy bedroom when i go on holiday and look forward to my own clean, fresh bed on my return.

As far as I can tell he's done fuck all this afternoon. When I say put bedroom is a tip - it's disgusting. Crumpled sheets that need changing. Kids stuff strewn all over the place. Clothes everywhere.

I've spent an hour on the tube then shopped for our dinner and said I'm too hot to do anyone's bedtime. So the kids have kicked off. I'm going to have a cool bath. Shall I clean the bedroom myself or give him a final chance to do it tomorrow?

Oh and there's clearly been a tsunami in the bathroom while I was at work

Not that it makes it better, but won’t the cleaner do the room on Monday or have you cancelled her for when you’re away?

The laundry would have me in a funk though, rush washing before holidays is a PITA.

Yes cleaner will come when we are away but I like a tidy room to pack in if that makes sense. I freely admit I get in a stress about packing. Always have done and now that I have 3 to pack for it's worse.

Dh is MUCH more relaxed than me about mess and about packing. He would happily just bung a pair of swimming trucks, his passport, phone charger and a spare tshirt in a small bag and set off. When he's been away without me he would just take a small gym bag. It's infuriating that I then also need to say stuff like aren't you packing any boxers? Won't you need another t shirt? Etc while I'm packing all the other stuff.

He complains I overpack (probably true)

Better stay at home. Stress Less!

But if going away, just pack for yourself and forget about the minimalists.

If you were staying put the sheets would still be crumpled tomorrow surely!

I just pack up and leave. Never worry about anything, that's what good neighbours are for! (security wise).

Honestly, sometimes I think staying home would be so good for many people.

RELAX is a word!

This type of stuff frustrates me. If you ask him to pack for the kids chances are he’ll do a shit job and you’ll be left to sort out his mess. It really frustrates me. My dh is getting better but we have kids with Sen and I have to think a lot about what they need for a day out. It’s exhausting organising everything and if something is missing I’m expected to help sort it out. If he’s had a week off he should be pulling his weight.

There is so much insanity on this forum ATM. And the eclipse isn't until Friday.

He's now locked himself in the bathroom. Presumably anticipating me being cross.

Am determined not to ruin my evening by feeling grumpy. Will have ANOTHER conversation with him later about him helping out pre holiday and see if he pitches in

I agree with Kate
Why everyone saying don't worry about it

Op your dh is a lazy arse and selfish with it I'd be telling him to step up
Considering you work full time too.

Women's work will never end until we hand over control.

Lose his passport.

Agree with you keyboard Kate

We've had a chat about what he's been up to today (pre holiday shopping for beach shoes and laundry) and agreed he will do the cleaning and tidy g tomorrow and he will pack for the kids

I finish at midnight, I spend this morning deep cleaning the kitchen and put all dp’s things in a big pile on the dining table. If it’s still there when I get home I’m throwing it all out. I don’t believe he doesn’t see it. It’s not invisible clutter.

What's wrong with these people?

If your husband is relaxed about packing, and it stresses you, let HIM do the packing. If there is a problem because he forgot something, let HIM deal with it.

Really, you sound very tense

Is it really a disaster if he forgets boxers? He'll have to wash them/buy some extra/wear yours/go commando...what's the drama?

It sounds like you can only relax if you have complete control and planned for every eventuality, but is that really necessary?

If you have a weekly cleaner, your bedroom can't be THAT bad, having a quick whizz around with the 2 of you should do it

Really, you need to relax and hAve a holiday

Hmm. I'm torn between sympathising with you over him generally not pulling his weight and thinking "Who the heck cares that much about having a tidy room to pack in and non-crumpled sheets when they come back from holiday?!"

Men who laze around and let their wives do everything are arseholes, but something's making me wonder whether maybe your idea of disgustingly messy might be my idea of reasonably tidy...

Everyone knows you leave the house spotlessly clean, with fresh sheets on the bed for when you get back.

Or is that just me? No wonder I get super stressed before a holiday too!