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Original poster

Self discharge from hospital after birth?

98 replies

Lozzateex · 24/07/2018 15:38

I’m due to give birth in 2 weeks, and I’m dreading it. Not the birth as such, but the staying in hospital after! I originally wanted a home birth because hospital was the only thing I hated the idea of, but I have a number of mental health issues and I’m on medication for them so Iv been told that the baby will need to stay in for monitoring for a few days after to make sure he doesn’t have any withdrawals.
The idea of being away from my partner and people I know for that long surrounded by strangers in a busy hospital ward in this boiling heat for that long just makes me panic and cry and think all sorts of things. I’m in a frenzy about it now and I’m not even there yet! I know it seems trivial and it’s only a few days, but I’m still in a very fragile state of mind and that will push my over the edge!

Iv been researching and legally, they can’t force me to stay in hospital and I can self discharge myself after so many hours. I could also self discharge baby if there were no issues, but because he needs to be monitored I realise that I can’t and it’s better for him to stay in.
So my question is... can I discharge myself while baby stays in to be monitored? I understand that they could try to talk me out of it and advise that I didn’t, but if I’m INSISTENT what are the laws on it?
It might sound mean to leave him in alone but please don’t judge me. You don’t know how my mind works and I’m getting a lot of professional help right now and trying to get better, but I know that will set me off and send me straight back to square 1 again. I couldn’t find any definite answers online, so I thought I’d see if you have any wisdom to share with me on the whole subject.
Thankyou all so much in advance!

OP posts:
ChaoticKate · 24/07/2018 16:52

Please don’t assume all post natal wards will be as bad as those you may have read about on here. I spent 4 days in one after I had my little girl and it was nothing like I thought it would be. It was quiet, there was only me and one other at a time in a six bed bay and the midwives were brilliant. I got loads of support breastfeeding and they came round regularly dishing out the painkillers and making sure I was recover ok. They made sure that rules on visitors were obeyed and were absolutely lovely. The girl opposite me was exhausted and really struggling so they took her baby all night and made her sleep. They also were really supportive of her using formula. Remember that people rarely post about good or average experiences so it might not be anything like as stressful as you think.

BertieBotts · 24/07/2018 16:53

Not being funny, but does anyone say the same kinds of things about fathers leaving their newborns in hospital?

I know that fathers generally leave the newborn with its mother, and I don't like the idea of a newborn being alone either but some of these comments are unfair - the child does, presumably, have another parent. It's just whether there would be an appropriate set up for the father to stay with the child.

rachy22 · 24/07/2018 16:53

I had to stay in for 2 nights to monitor my blood pressure as it was quite high, and DP was allowed to stay with me - not sure if this is available in all hospitals/wards, but if you explained your circumstances they may well make an exception if not (I'd be very disappointed in the system if they weren't able to!)

NerrSnerr · 24/07/2018 16:53

Someone will need to be there to care for the baby. They don't have the staff to have someone with your baby all the time. If you leave the baby at the hospital they'll call social services. They can't make you stay (unless they use the mental health act or mental capacity act) but they can take action if they think you're putting your baby at risk.

SoyDora · 24/07/2018 16:54

Not being funny, but does anyone say the same kinds of things about fathers leaving their newborns in hospital?

It’s a fair point, but I think the issue here is that the newborn will have no one to care for it. Who will feed it/change it’s nappy, comfort it etc?

Notlostjustexploring · 24/07/2018 16:54

I think everyone piling in and laying the guilt on the OP are being a bit horrible. She probably feels bad enough as it is.

In our area we've got free standing midwifery units where, regardless of where you gave birth, you can move to there to recuperate for a number of days if you wish. By all accounts they're are very nice. Would that be far enough away from a medical environment for you?

GerdaLovesLili · 24/07/2018 16:56

I self-discharged after a emcs. One night in that madhouse with no control over anything, and no-one coming when I desperately needed help, combined with a baby who screamed if he was put down even for a moment meant that I wasn't staying there a second longer than I had to.

PipeTheFuckDown · 24/07/2018 16:59

I was on medication during pregnancy and baby had to stay for monitoring. I seriously doubt you’d be able to leave your baby in the sense that you won’t want to rather than they won’t let you. Also serious mental health issues usually show within three days of birth so it really is in your best interest to stay too.

I had psychosis with my eldest and almost had it with my last. It was spotted early due to me and baby being in. That early intervention is crucial. Flowers

BarbarianMum · 24/07/2018 17:00

Could the baby's dad stay and look after it whilst you go home? Or speak to your mh team and ask about a private room so he could stay with you and the baby.

pasanda · 24/07/2018 17:01

We have private 'mental health' rooms on our ward. En suite rooms with 2 beds in so partners/mothers/whoever can stay 24/7. The whole postnatal stay is planned with the mothers mental health team. This would be perfect for you.

You wouldn't be able to leave your baby at the hospital though. The ward could not cope. The only place that might do it is the Low Dependency Unit on SCBU but I doubt it. If you tried to self discharge your baby when there is a medical reason for him/her to stay then social services would get involved.

I really hope you manage to sort something out.

BertieBotts · 24/07/2018 17:02

Yes I understand that Dora - that is an issue because of course postnatal wards aren't set up for unaccompanied babies. But someone above (who sounds like they probably work in a hospital) mentioned the possibility of the baby staying on a paediatric ward rather than postnatal, which might then mean that somebody other than the mother could stay.

It is worth asking and I just think it's a shame that the immediate jump for a lot of people is that OP is some kind of monster for contemplating leaving her baby, when new fathers usually leave their babies (and nobody finds this strange - and I do totally get the reasons for not inviting partners onto PN wards - I support this) and sometimes parents whose babies are in special care leave them too.

BertieBotts · 24/07/2018 17:03

A private room specifically for patients with extra MH needs sounds good too as less likely to be fully booked as normal private rooms often are.

LyndseyKola · 24/07/2018 17:09

I’m struggling to believe this is real... but if it is, OP you simply cannot abandon your baby without serious repercussions. I imagine if you just discharge yourself (who do you expect to care for baby!?) social services will be notified and then keeping an eye on you and the little one. To make sure he’s safe and you’re capable of caring for him adequately.

AveABanana · 24/07/2018 17:15

What will the monitoring actually involve? Can it be done with you and the baby as outpatients?

CanineEnigma · 24/07/2018 17:24

when new fathers usually leave their babies (and nobody finds this strange...

Well yes, they didn't give birth to the baby. The father isn't all the baby has ever known up to this point. It's a truth pretty universally acknowledged that newborns need their mothers, barring the most extreme circumstances.

Flisspaps · 24/07/2018 17:25

@Lozzateex have you asked what observations they will carry out on the baby in hospital that you or a community midwife cannot do at home?

WrongOnTheInternet · 24/07/2018 17:31
  1. Calm down and stop panicking a sec
  2. It used to be normal that women and babies were kept in hospital after birth
  3. It still is normal on the continent.

One of mine was born abroad, and faced with the prospect of a whole week "stuck in hospital" as I initially thought, I also had thoughts similar to yours (without the MH excuse). In the event I had birth complications and had to stay in anyway. It was a nice week. I had a whole week to get to know my new baby without having to struggle with the cooking and looking after other kids. In fact it remains the longest time I've ever had with that child alone! Nurses on hand to help too.

See if you can get a private room, and enjoy the peace.

Oneinthegrave · 24/07/2018 18:11

The ward I was on with DS for 4 days was amazing. It was so good it made me anxious to go home, very quiet, lovely midwives even helped feed DS expressed breast milk when I was almost falling asleep & he wouldn’t latch on. I would voice your concerns to your midwife and/ or GP, I know in Derby you can pay for a private room which sounds like it will be loads better for you, some partners even stayed with the women in those rooms for alot longer than they could on the ward

Shednik · 24/07/2018 18:23

You could insist on a home birth.

I was told that my first baby had to be monitored due to mental health meds...in reality nobody came near him.

When I had a home birth with my second, the midwives were much more attentive and baby was seen far more regularly.

CarrotandSwede · 24/07/2018 18:26

Your baby won’t be able to stay on the post natal ward without you, so will have to be admitted to either the neonatal unit if there is one or the paediatric ward if it’s staying in for monitoring.

tealandteal · 24/07/2018 18:39

Our hospital has a perinatal mental health unit. Could you find Outlook if there is one available or if it is too far away to travel in labour, transfer to that hospital after the birth?

Kittykat93 · 24/07/2018 18:54

OP, I'm sorry you feel the way that you do. But as a parent, you need to put your baby first. The care of the baby is your responsibilities, not the nurses and midwives in the hospital. I suggest you seek support soon to put plans in place for when the time comes, as you can't expect to walk out of the hospital and just leave your baby there.

LeftRightCentre · 24/07/2018 19:01

Wow, loads of understanding and empathy for women with mental illness on here. Really hope you have a mental health worker IRL, OP.

2) It used to be normal that women and babies were kept in hospital after birth
3) It still is normal on the continent.

  1. Yeah, back then it used to be normal that women were actually properly cared for by the staff after birth, too; that their babies could be looked after by staff whilst they slept and recovered.
  2. and the reality is that in the UK many post natal wards are the whiffy armpit of the NHS: too hot, over-crowded, understaffed, dirty and not fit for purpose.
Mybabystolemysanity · 24/07/2018 19:12

Debated hard about posting this, but here goes nothing. I hope it's useful for someone.

I walked out if hospital three weeks ago with my three day old son after a miserable night in breastfeeding pain with no nursing care, just a midwife who made it clear she couldn't be bothered with me. I was exhausted, sore and made to feel like a nuisance. It seemed at the time better to walk than have a confrontation (anxious-avoidant personality).

I did what was instinctively right at the time, but I wouldn't recommend it, particularly not if you have ever had contact with mental health professionals in the past. I see someone regularly to make sure I stay well, but that's it. I am now tarred with the nutty brush and it's become the only thing anyone cares about.

Social services did get involved. They're the only people so far who have actually listened to my side of the story and I was ditched by my community midwife and GP. Once they had spoken to me and seen my home setup, I think they are unconcerned, but are following up in a couple of weeks. I imagine I will be haunted by it forever now, and it's caused a great deal of upset.

OP, if you can, have a care plan in place. My experience has been two midwives out of tens that I've seen throughout my pregnancy. The vast, vast majority are caring, compassionate people who will do everything they can to help. I hope you get something sorted.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 24/07/2018 19:14

Do you have a mental health support person who can help you talk through this?

Have you discussed this with your midwife?

Will your partner be around to help?

Would you back able to find a Doula who would be able to help work this through you? Given your MH issues, you would need someone with some experience to help you navigate this but you between you, your partner and a Doula, you might be able to cover the care of your baby while you also get the care that you need.

Good luck lovely... I am sure you will find a way. Flowers