Self discharge from hospital after birth?

[Lozzateex]

I’m due to give birth in 2 weeks, and I’m dreading it. Not the birth as such, but the staying in hospital after! I originally wanted a home birth because hospital was the only thing I hated the idea of, but I have a number of mental health issues and I’m on medication for them so Iv been told that the baby will need to stay in for monitoring for a few days after to make sure he doesn’t have any withdrawals.
The idea of being away from my partner and people I know for that long surrounded by strangers in a busy hospital ward in this boiling heat for that long just makes me panic and cry and think all sorts of things. I’m in a frenzy about it now and I’m not even there yet! I know it seems trivial and it’s only a few days, but I’m still in a very fragile state of mind and that will push my over the edge!

Iv been researching and legally, they can’t force me to stay in hospital and I can self discharge myself after so many hours. I could also self discharge baby if there were no issues, but because he needs to be monitored I realise that I can’t and it’s better for him to stay in.
So my question is... can I discharge myself while baby stays in to be monitored? I understand that they could try to talk me out of it and advise that I didn’t, but if I’m INSISTENT what are the laws on it?
It might sound mean to leave him in alone but please don’t judge me. You don’t know how my mind works and I’m getting a lot of professional help right now and trying to get better, but I know that will set me off and send me straight back to square 1 again. I couldn’t find any definite answers online, so I thought I’d see if you have any wisdom to share with me on the whole subject.
Thankyou all so much in advance!

Yes speak to your midwife and mental health team. You can of course self discharge but the implications for leaving your baby could be far reaching as it would certainly involved Social Services and leave your baby uncared for as it is not the midwifes job to do so.

Would having your own room help

Would your baby be in the NICU? If not then you can just abandon your baby! Who would look after them?

I hate hospitals wards so always pay for a private amenity room, is that an option for you?

Speak to your midwife. They'll likely be very happy to give you a speedy discharge if you've no medical need to be in after the birth.

However - the baby can't stay on their own unless they are in SCBU I wouldn't have thought - hospitals don't have nurseries any more. They don't have time to do feeding and changing and such that babies need as well as looking after their patients - the assumption is that a parent will do that. And I don't think your partner would be allowed to stay in your stead, as postnatal wards are usually women-only.

Is there an option for a private family room at your hospital where your partner could stay with you, perhaps? That could be something you look into.

Or perhaps it would be possible to bring the baby in for monitoring daily. Anyway you really need to discuss your anxieties and fears about this with your midwife so that she can help you work out what would be the best solution for you.

You’ve asked what the law is...

The only way to keep you in hospital against your will is by the mental health act (being sectioned). You’d need to be deemed sufficiently mentally unwell as to be detainable in order for this to happen. And (assuming you were physically well) this would ultimately be to a psychiatric hospital.

Assuming you are not detainable, you can leave. But healthcare and social work staff may have concerns about you acting in your own interests as opposed to acting in the needs of your baby. A newborn baby needs it’s mother constantly in the early stages, and you discharging hospital while leaving your child in could be seen as extremely concerning.

Likewise, if you chose to take baby with you (against medical advice) rather than leave baby in hospital you could very well face significant consequences from social work services.

My advice is to follow medical advice.

Could your partner go in and stay with him in your place? I was given a private room after both births for no extra charge so that is definitely worth looking into. If you're hoping to breast feed you'd need to be around him pretty much constantly but if not then your partner could do just as good a job.

I discharged myself and my son, too. I didn't have a c-section but I did have a ventouse delivery. I'd only leave if I could take my baby with me. Really think having partners overnight in wards to replace adequate staffing causes a lot of problems because wards aren't set up to have so many people crammed in them.

But who will look after and feed and change your baby if you leave them all alone in the hospital? That's a full time job so you'll be there most of the time anyway. Surely you're not going to just leave the baby all alone on the first few days of its life.

Who do you plan will look after the baby?
Have you told your MH team this is how you are feeling? Are you feeling generally disconnected from your baby?

There is no way on gods earth I would leave a newborn in hospital and discharge yourself. Unless your partner or mother can stay with them then I largely suspect huge red flags would be raised about you abandoning your child against medical advice and if hope SS would be all over you. When you have a child they come first. Above all.

I discharged myself after DC3. They wanted to keep me in overnight purely for monitoring but I wanted to get home ASAP so I just went. I had to sign a self discharge form to basically say I was going against medical advice. Wish I’d discharged myself after DC1&2 as well tbh, didn’t have the guts. The wards are hell.

YABU to leave a newborn baby alone though, doubt that’s even an option unless they’re in NICU.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I agree with pps that you should try to get a private room. The last thing you need is social services involved. Imagine if this was considered abandoning your baby and you had to fight for months to get them back.

Please speak to the mental health team and your midwife. Both you and your baby deserve to be looked after properly.

First born i didnt want to hang around in hospital. Was admitted to ward, they checked baby and we then went home.

Second, I had no intention to hang around, I discharged from ward before baby checks, different hospital, the ward toilets were gross (bloody), I would rather have been resting at home. Self discharged and they organised specialist community midwife to do the baby checks at home.

Third baby, i looked into more, realised I didnt need to even go up to maternity ward, you can discharge straight from birthing suite/labour ward. I wrote this intention in my yellow book. Discussed with the midwife who was looking after us during labour. I went in at midnight, gave birth 2am, went home at 5am (could have gone quicker but wanted a shower, was a bit slow).

All straight forward deliveries, thank God. Everytime they were fine for me to go as I'd pleased.

If they raised a slight eyebrow (second time) I just said, you'll have more time for people who do want your care (theyd firmly told a new mum she had to go home as she and baby were fine, 24hrs after birth, but she clearly didnt want to go yet, perhaps a bit tired/overwhelmed), also pointed out that if I'd gone the homebirth route, id be home by now. So off I went. Happy days :)

Best of luck, do keep in mind what you want, write it on your birth plan in yellow book, but keep an open mind than plans should be flexible if need to change for any reason.

If you have mental capacity there is nothing anyone can do to prevent you from leaving when you choose. However, there will be tremendous pressure from hospital staff to stay for as long as your baby needs to say.

Is there anyone else who could stay? Your partner or a parent? For some of the time if not all the time? If there is no-one at all, and you really cannot stay, then the baby will end up on a paeds ward. There will be other children/babies on there without a parent present 24/7 so it's not like the ward cannot take an unaccompanied newborn, but don't underestimate how much pressure will be put on you to stay in hospital.

If you are under the local Antenatal MH Team you should be able to discuss these concerns with your support worker who can arrange with your consultant a private room whilst you and baby are in hospital.
You need to stress to them that being on the ward will be detrimental to your MH and recovery from birth and also avertedly affect your bond with your DC.

If you just discharge yourself ( and you are well within your rights to do so) and do not stay at the hospital to look after your new born then they will most likely follow safe guarding procedures and refer you and the baby to Social services, they may also do this if you discharge the baby against the advice of the Paediatrician.

Do you know what the visiting hours are for the maternity ward you should be on? most have two rules, one for parents and one for 'guests' our local one allows parents/dads to stay until 9pm which is generous imo, but its different everywhere, so check and see.

They will be busy in July/August due to staff holidays, so realistically, they ought to be pleased with someone requesting a domino delivery - it's just whether it can be made to work with the extra checks you need for baby.

Is there anyone else who could stay? Your partner or a parent?

How would that work? The partner or her parent sleeping in a postnatal bed to look after the baby? It's a real pity there are no more well-baby nurseries, some parents really need them.

I self discharged my newborns and I a few hours after all six of my births, but the reason your baby needs to stay in is because of potential withdrawal symptoms from your medication so of course you need to stay with him. I'm shocked that you'd even consider leaving your precious baby alone in hospital. He is far more vulnerable than you are.

If you're going to be a good mother you need to start learning to deal with things.

*but the reason your baby needs to stay in is because of potential withdrawal symptoms from your medication so of course you need to stay with him. I'm shocked that you'd even consider leaving your precious baby alone in hospital. He is far more vulnerable than you are.

If you're going to be a good mother you need to start learning to deal with things.*

The OP quite obviously has a serious mental health condition, she is unwell, victim-blaming doesn't help.

I think you need to discuss this with your MH team and your midwife. If the baby is being monitored in hospital it will be for good reason. In the UK we chuck women and babies out of hospital much more quickly than in other countries. Perhaps something can be done to make you feel more comfortable.

I had to leave my baby in hospital as he was in SCBU for 4 weeks. Hardest thing I ever did.
Think about the baby.

Part of being a parent is putting someone else's needs before your own. Each and every time. I think you're going to raise a lot of red flags about your ability to parent if you're happy to leave a newborn behind for your own needs.

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you need to start thinking about your baby not you.

Firstly yes of course you can self discharge...unless you are deemed not to have capacity and they can apply for a DOLS however taking your post at face value it's unlikely they would

However MH or not (I am absolutely not judging I've been in some rough places and have some particularly specific knowledge) the consequences are there and whilst you may consider them negligible now it's a lot harder to do it

I would be very surprised if a social services referral wasn't put in...dependant on how you deal with it...but forcing a self discharge without child ...its going to trigger a justified referral

Secondly...take it from someone who had to do this for very different reasons...walking out of that hospital without your new born is so so very much harder than you think it will be

I had no choice as DS2 was in nicu but I broke down in the car park and sobbed..it felt like my heart was being ripped out

Then I travelled back every two hours to breast feed

If you want to you can please just bear in mind you're perspective of it right now is you catastrophising and the experience will be different

Hospitals are awful ,I've spent more time in one over the last two years than I wanted to in my whole life and I really really do understand

But ...as with all things in life whilst you can do what you want there will be a consequence and a price...be prepared to pay it

ConciseandNice Tue 24-Jul-18 16:03:04

"I don’t think you’ll want to leave your child in once he’s here. If it’s your first you’ll not understand the drive to be with your baby."
I agree with this. Giving birth releases a whole new set of hormones and can turn you into a different person.

Ignore people like Sugar op, they lack the capacity to empathise with actions their ignorant minds can not fathom.

If any one can not see how desperately the op is panicking and struggling in regards to this situation and merely puts this reasoning down to laziness or feckless attitude then don't bother, posts like Sugars say more about them than the op.

i don't think you can abandon your newborn baby in hospital without triggering some kind of ss involvement.