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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be okay with watching her kids in the evening?

32 replies

ConfusedWife1234 · 24/07/2018 15:05

My kids are friends with two boys, let’s call them Tommy and Johnny. Let’s call their mother Mary. She is a single parent and works daft hours. Typically has her parents watch her kids, but sometimes has no babysitter. The kids are friendly but wild and talkative, bit like mine. Mary is not really my friend but she is okay, pretty friendly and sometimes brings homemade cake. Sometimes she asks me to watch her kids until evening and they have supper with us. Dh typically wants all kids that aren’t ours to be gone before supper because when he comes home from work he wants to de-stress... Mary is often late to pick her kids up and sometimes I am really not happy with that because it‘s already bedtime for our children.

So Mary asked me to watch her kids again and while dh does not even know if he will be there for dinner that day he is pretty much opposed to it. He does not have to do anything. He can just sit there and relax but is still opposed to it. AIBU or is he?

OP posts:
Storm4star · 24/07/2018 15:10

How often is it happening? If it's once a week at most, then he is BU. If it's every other day, then you are!

BertrandRussell · 24/07/2018 15:13

Depends on how often and whether you want to. Only very marginally his business.

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 24/07/2018 15:15

Maybe once every two weeks, depends. He is a bit pissed off because she is often late but then it is because of her job. He does not like the fact they boys, aged seven and five talk so much but then I think it is pretty normal for that age. My oldest is five and talks all the time.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 24/07/2018 15:16

Once every 2 weeks and you didn't mind? Tell him to get over himself!

Storm4star · 24/07/2018 15:17

That doesn't sound excessive to me. Any child will sometimes want friends to stay for dinner. Is he never going to allow it? And it sounds like it isn't her fault she's late. It sounds like he's being a grump!

jay55 · 24/07/2018 15:17

It’s stressing him out your loyalty should be to your husband.

BertrandRussell · 24/07/2018 15:20

"It’s stressing him out your loyalty should be to your husband."

It's once every two weeks. He should stop being an arse.

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 24/07/2018 15:21

Yes, it is stressing him but I am not sure why. He can just sit back and relax. He does not have to do anything.
He is okay with kids coming staying for supper during the weekend, but at a weekday he does not like it and they have to leave before supper. So they all do... well apart from Mary’s kids.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 24/07/2018 15:24

You really must stop this-it will only get worse. Your children will resent never being allowed to have friends for tea.

starday · 24/07/2018 15:26

It depends on what you want to do. Not your husband.

Personally if you don't mind and the kids like it, I would do it and tell your husband to be more supportive.

I know depending on the children so friends children are lovely to have over as mine are happy and content to play. This makes my life easier and making supper for a couple of children isn't an issue for me.

Also I think single mums that work are amazing, I just about manage my job & Home with an amazing husband who does more than 50% of everything so if I can ever help another mum out I would

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 24/07/2018 15:49

I do not really mind, because I think watching four kids (including twins, so four under five) is just as much work as watching six...
Actually having only one kid was the most stressful, because he was very clingy then.

He is really stressed by the noisy level, because they love to talk and talk loudly and ours are talking to. It totally do not mind, but he does.

I do depend a lot on others to help me watch my kids, especially in the past... and I do not even work... so I totally do understand why she asked me to... I could not do without the help of others and would feel a bit guilty if I did not help her... like paying it forward, you know?

@Betrand: At the weekends our kids are allowed to bring friends for supper but at a weekday he does not like it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 24/07/2018 15:52

Sorry, meant to say “four five and under“ not “four under five“.

OP posts:
User183737 · 24/07/2018 15:55

I see his point. I hate people in my house after work, just cannot relax. But, its once a fortnight. How late are we talking?

LagunaBubbles · 24/07/2018 15:55

Yes, it is stressing him but I am not sure why. He can just sit back and relax. He does not have to do anything

I cant relax properly after work if there are others kids in my house, I can see where your DH is coming from. Weekends are fine for me to.

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 24/07/2018 15:57

Our kids have bed time at seven p.m. and I always ask her to pick up hers shortly before that time... or ask her parents to pick them up if it is not possible... but sometimes she is late... like 20 mins, half an hour.

OP posts:
gillybeanz · 24/07/2018 15:58

My dh wouldn't have liked this either, so I wouldn't have done it, sorry.
Whether you can sympathise and understand why is irrelevant, it stresses him out.
If you had been working and wanted a quieter mealtime then I'd be saying the same.

HollowTalk · 24/07/2018 15:59

When she is late, is it for a good reason? Does she run in, pick up the kids and go, or stay for a lengthy chat?

HollowTalk · 24/07/2018 16:00

I would hate to come home from work to find a houseful of kids that didn't even belong to me.

hungryhippo90 · 24/07/2018 16:09

I can understand where your husband is coming from, he wants his space with his family, comfortable of an evening that he’s worked,
But similarly, it’s also your children’s home maybe they like having their friends over on these evenings.

Just one question. You say she may be 20 minutes late, where does that leave your children’s routine? Is it interrupted? Where are this ladies children when you put yours to bed if their routine isn’t interrupted? Maybe your husbands problem is largely down to having children that he doesn’t really know in the house when his own are in bed? Maybe he feels that for the time you are tending to your children and the visiting children aren’t off to bed too, that responsibility of them falls onto him.

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 25/07/2018 07:05

Yes, the kids like having them over.
When she is late I just typically wait for a while and start putting the kids to bed a bit later.
On a few occasions I asked dh to watch Tommy and Johnny while I was putting the kids to bed but that was only a fewtimes and he did not have to watch them for a long time.
Typically he does not have to do a thing.

OP posts:
ThePricklySheep · 25/07/2018 07:09

Slight tangent but the no play dates during the week is going to be limiting for them if it continues as they go through school.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 25/07/2018 07:11

Gosh, he doesn't like helping people does he?

I often have friends children over, am always happy to babysit if they have to work and they can't get childcare. I don't for socialising though as that's a luxury they should fund by a paid babysitter.

Pengggwn · 25/07/2018 08:14

I would hate this and I think you should respect his wishes.

BertrandRussell · 25/07/2018 08:19

Oh come on-it's once a fucking fortnight to help a friend who is a single parent working long hours.

And people think the OP should refuse because she should be warming her"hubby's" slippers or something?

Pengggwn · 25/07/2018 08:20

And people think the OP should refuse because she should be warming her"hubby's" slippers or something?

Not at all. I just think it's his house too. If my DH did this every fortnight I wouldn't like it.

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