AIBU to be okay with watching her kids in the evening?

[ConfusedWife1234]

My kids are friends with two boys, let’s call them Tommy and Johnny. Let’s call their mother Mary. She is a single parent and works daft hours. Typically has her parents watch her kids, but sometimes has no babysitter. The kids are friendly but wild and talkative, bit like mine. Mary is not really my friend but she is okay, pretty friendly and sometimes brings homemade cake. Sometimes she asks me to watch her kids until evening and they have supper with us. Dh typically wants all kids that aren’t ours to be gone before supper because when he comes home from work he wants to de-stress... Mary is often late to pick her kids up and sometimes I am really not happy with that because it‘s already bedtime for our children.

So Mary asked me to watch her kids again and while dh does not even know if he will be there for dinner that day he is pretty much opposed to it. He does not have to do anything. He can just sit there and relax but is still opposed to it. AIBU or is he?

So glad that the Mumsnet attitude to doing favours doesn't seem to be particularly prevalent in real life.

I think your DH is definitely BU.
You all live in the house and nobody has a problem with it other than him.
No extra responsibility falls on him as a result and it is once every couple of weeks.
Why should you feel guilty to do it? The kids enjoy it, you don’t mind. He just sounds grumpy and unreasonable tbh.

So you relied on others to help with your 4 children and your dh rarely does anything with them in the evening? You say dh we have 4 kids. I relied on other people to help get through the early years, others rely on their husband but mine didn’t do much with them. Now I want to be that person who pays it forward. If I am happy to watch Mary’s kids once a fortnight then that is not your problem. If it is so stressful having children around then I have our 4 all day and you can help more in the evenings generally to give me a break.’ (FYI my dh comes in and is hands on with the kids, as was my dad with his 6 children and my fil with his 5 children. They worked hard at work too, and my dad never once objected to other children around. Your dh is grumpy, entitled and selfish based on what you say here.
I despair when I read about these people who only ever think favours are a one way street.

timesisnotaline Yes, I relied on others to help me with my kids but did not rely on Mary. I like the idea of paying it forward.

Thanks for your opinions, everybody.

Sounds like it is a pretty one way gig in terms of childcare. My DW is a good soul and has been taken advantage of by CF friends for free childcare on a regular basis. This used to piss me off becausr it was eating into our family time and our time together as a couple and there was little if no reciprocation. At first my DW struggled to understand why I was passed off and it led to a few arguments until we had a discussion and I revealed my low tolerance to CFs. I suspect this maybe the issue for your DH.

Having two of your children's friend for supper once a fortnight until around 7pm is not her being a CF , you don't mind, the DCs like it and you're helping out a hardworking single mum, having had help from other mums when yours were younger/you were in a different situation. Your husband is selfish, and that's before we get to the fact he doesn't bother with his own children on week nights because he needs to relax. FFS

Sounds like Mary is being a cf by asking you so frequently tbh. She should sort out proper child care while she’s at work. I wouldn’t want to come home to someone else’s children one night every couple of weeks.