husband taking daughter for glasses advice instead of me?

[Hotpants]

My husband is taking our (fashionwise 'edgy', although that's kind of besides the point) 14 yr old DD with him to help him choose his glasses. I have made it clear in the past that if he wants help choosing, I would really like to be involved/help choose. Somehow I feel it is a bit more of a wife's job than a daughter's job... and I feel a bit resentful that he is taking her and not me! Am I being bonkers?

x-post. Well that puts a different spin on it

she is often very very rude to me and he doesn't back me up etc

Do you mean he actively undermines you or just doesn't leap to your defense?

You are bonkers BUT I detect there is something more unpleasant in the background going on that’s made you feel like this. Sometimes roles between parent child aren’t clear or get mixed up due to spousal conflict, a DD can start to feel she is in competition with her DM for her fathers affections. The fact she has hit you in the past and her dad didn’t back you up is a big red flag, enough for her to think she is now in control.
I can see why him asking her advise about glasses though seemingly innocent (without any prior history) comes across as another attempt to say you are not ‘relevant’, DD has is now stepping into the role of ‘wife’ and the smugness that goes with it.

The problem is not DD though it’s your DH. You need a real sit down to discuss what ever the issue or issues are.

YANBU

I don't see the issue.

I've read the full thread and don't see how the other issues are at all related, and the OP had told her husband she wants to help him choose, he obviously wanted to either A avoid an argument when he got the ones he wanted anyway, or thinks dd has better taste.

This is about how he handles himself. Not how he handles his daughter. That the Op sees this as a wife's job says it's about her choosing for her husband.

Otherwise you will turn anything that happens in to something to do with that aspect of your relationship with your dd OP, which willl cause problems long term. ANytime he does anything with her as a normal father can't be seen as putting the Op in her place.

He probably wants his teenage DD to be happy to be seen with him ... a lot of teenagers don't want to be seen with their parents ... so he wants her to approve of his new glasses on him perhaps... bonding ... all that.

@blueskiesandforests

I said I don't think they're cool. I don't care if teens, adults, or even the entire rest of the world think glasses look cool, I never will agree.

After reading the first post I thought that YABU. Asking for a dd's advice seems a nice thing to do. My dp can find it difficult to find opportunities for some dad and daughter time with our teenager, but they had a great afternoon shopping together when she decided his tatty old 5 a side football gear needed updating.

But YNBU for being unhappy if your dd is rude to you and your dh doesn't back you up. That's completely unacceptable.

I'd like to hear the other side of the story here, to be honest.

yes - I get fashion advice from my 7yr old. She is much better than DH!

She absolutely shouldn't be rude and hit you! He is in the wrong for not backing you up... however that aside it's still important to get one to one bonding with each parent.

My mum has always been very possessive over my Dads free time and still at the age of 30 I haven't ever had even a coffee out with my Dad alone. The only time is when I've asked him to help with DIY.

I'm embarrassed to admit that a few years ago I pretended I didn't know how to fix something, just to have a catch up really!

I really resent her for it.

Maybe you've got crap taste? (Sorry)
And all those saying he doesn't need someone to go with him, my Dh and my grown dd do as they can't see what they look like.

I always find the assistants best to advise, or the DIY ones in the opticians.
i wouldn't trust any family member to get it right.

Tbh he might not even use her for advice.
He might just be getting her out the house and having some binding time while pretending to listen to her opinion

Yes