To feel a bit isolated in choosing to stop at one child?

[Newname0987]

Irl anyway, as I don't know anyone else who has stuck with this decision! I'm 99% sure it's right for our family but feel guilty that I'm depriving dc of experience of having/being a sibling (aware they don't all get on so not assuming it would be all roses!) Anyone feel the same or have words of wisdom? Especially if you have stuck with one. Are you the odd one out in your circles too? Thanks

I have one living child and there’s absolutely no way I would have another one. Before having my son I was pregnant but lost the baby and had a horrible time with it (tfmr), and then managed to have a living, breathing baby and wouldn’t dream of getting pregnant ever again because there’s always the risk that something goes wrong again. Our families watched us go through the baby loss a couple of years ago, but seem to have forgotten all about it as they keep asking when we will be having another one. Luckily my husband’s sister had a baby 10 months after our son was born, and his other sister is due later this year so they’ll keep the grandparents busy.

Pregnancy aside, I just really don’t want another baby. I love my son to death but he was not an easy baby (and is still challenging as a toddler), and the stress and sleep deprivation very nearly destroyed our marriage and I’m not willing to go through that again. Nothing wrong with having just one child! I have a brother whom I love but bar toddlerhood we’ve never been particularly close, and instead I have a strong bond with my lifelong best friend, who is like a sister to me.

If our son starts asking after a brother or a sister he’s getting a dog.

Just ignore what other people have to say about it.

I have two boys, my youngest was born critically ill and we spent a month in NICU. Still people persisted with the "didn't you want a girl?" "Are you going to try again for a girl?" comments.

People are rude. Pay them no mind and do what you want. Nothing wrong in having an only.

I'm an only child and have absolutely loved it.
My parents had all the time and money to spend on me (obviously you could do this with more than one child too) and we have a fantastic relationship. I never felt lonely as a child as i did clubs and had school friends and cousins to play with too.
I often find that only children aren't the ones complaining about being only children but rather people with siblings complain that havin only children is mean!

I was an only child and as a kid it didn't really bother me tbh..I had loads of friends and it made me an independant teen and I wasnt spoilt. I'm in my late 20's now and lost my mum 3 years ago..that was the only time I've wished I had a brother or sister to turn too... fortunately I have amazing friends who were really supportive but they will never really understand what I'm going through. I think that's why I decided to have 2 dc in the end because of my own experiences..I'm hoping they'll always have each other. There is no right or wrong way..whatever is best for your family.

I never imagined having an only child but now have no desire to do pregnancy/baby years again (emotionally, physically and financially) and feel I'd only be risking more due to my age.

DD has started talking about having a sibling as her friends have gradually acquired them (!) but I'm not going to let that guilt overrule my head.

I have one child, I’m 46 now so no chance of a sibling for her and gap would be too big anyway. Would have loved another but I have secondary infertility. The friends I went to uni all have two or more children, however my most of my friends from school only have one. So socially I know more people who only have one child. There are advantages and disadvantages to everything in life and I can think of a lot worse than being a well loved only child. My dd and I get to do a lot of things together that would be difficult if I had another child (her dad and I are separated)
However my dd (9) already plans to have 4 children of her own (all girls!) and ‘would definitely not just have one because I know how horrible it is being an only child’

We’ve just got one and have no plans for any more. I’ve had some utterly shitty comments BUT I’ve noticed the following:
If you don’t want any children at all ‘you’ll change your mind’.
If you have just one child you’re selfish for depriving them of siblings.
If you have two children you’re ok if you have a boy and a girl, but two of the same gender means you MUST be harbouring a secret desire for one of the opposite gender.
If you have three or more you’ll be asked if you have a TV, how you manage to give them all attention, etc.

That is SO true. To each, their own. And — just for the record — I've got to 51 without changing my mind

We have an only (by choice) who is 7. She is happy, we are happy, everyone else can sod off.

Both DH and I are only children and IME there is a huge benefit financially with regards to inheritance, holidays etc. That being said, I've found that is the only advantage. I was quite lonely during school holidays and DH said the same. A lot of our friends were always busy with their own families and holiday plans. Now our parents are getting older, MIL's health isn't good and my F has dementia, but we are limited as to what time we can give them as we now have 2 young DC of our own.

If your child has a lot of other family/friends around or close by then that is as good as having siblings. You should do what you think is best for your family.

Your DC will not "miss out" by being an only child. His childhood will look different from those of his friends who have siblings, but it won't be "deprived" in any way whatsoever, and don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. Only children often turn out to be particularly creative, easy-going, and smart, maybe because they've lived only with adults and have been treated more like equals. They make friends at nursery and school, so it's not like they lack social skills just by not living 24/7 with another child.

I'm having my first and only in November but I think it helps that I'm an only child myself! I never wanted siblings and got very good at amusing myself, so I'm never bored. I also got good at befriending other children in order to have any contact with other people my age (have lost this ability in adulthood though). I cannot even fathom looking after a toddler while being pregnant, refereeing fights, making sure everything is exactly 50/50.

I read that a single child is the most common family size currently, made me feel better

I never had anyone make comments to me about having an only :/ so I do not get why it's so common on here? I also know many parents and single mothers who have stopped at one.

I became a lone parent when my DD was 2 and a half years old...she is now 6 and I may have another child one day but there will be a huge age gap between them. The sibling relationship won't be typical. Luckily my DD is a very confident, sociable child and has never asked for an sibling.

I think the adults who resented being only children were those who struggled socially.

We’re 9 years in with our only child. I can confirm that he’s neither lonely nor spoiled (ok maybe a little spoiled but he’s a good lad and he deserves it,he’s most definitely not a brat though!)

What I will say is that you do need to be prepared to put in the effort to be social with family and friends. This is quite easy when they reach school age-start with a whole class birthday party to suss everyone out and be proactive in organising play dates etc.

Also,if there’s a possibility of living in a cul de sac near to school then your dc will never ever be short of a play mate. It had never even crossed my mind and by chance we bought in a cul de sac and there’s 10 kids from his school living in our street! They play out all the time.

I’ve got way off topic there but just thought I’d share.

TBH I don't think lone parents get these comments in the same volume. The ones I know with one child don't.

I didn’t want anymore after my first. Then I had another (contraception failure) and then I took on my now eldest... then my son gained a sister on his dads side too.. seeing them all together and how well all 4 of them get on (mostly) (only 3 are mine but we’re all close) I’m so bloody glad we extended our family! I wouldn’t give it up for anything, though it is hard work it’s invaluable.

I’m an only child myself

We only have one - partly by circumstance, partly by design. I find it strange when I read that having 1 child is becoming increasingly common and apparently soon there will be more families with 1 child than 2+, but when I look around at my family, friends and people I hardly know anyone who wants to stop at 1

I've loved reading everyone's responses

I knew I wanted a child but wasn't ever sure if I wanted more than one. DH felt the same way. We also agreed that we could comfortably afford 1 child but 2 would have a bigger impact on us financially than we would like. We took the logical approach of 'lets see how we get one with one baby before we decide how many we want'.

A very traumatic labour, a sick baby and us both getting PND made the decision for us in the end. We didn't regret having a baby but we both said we could never go through that again. Our DS is now 15 months and our mental and physical scars are all but healed, thankfully. We're just starting to enjoy life again and could never 'start over' with another child, let alone risk all the trauma again!

A lot of our friends have 2 or more kids and don't know what we went through. They pressure us all the time about 'the next baby'. I've started telling them now that I can't have any more children (which is true in a roundabout way as it would put my life in danger) as it's the only way to get them to drop it.

We don't feel guilty that DS will be an only child as he's happy, he has us and will always have friends and cousins he can get into mischief with. Everyone wins!

It’s totaly up to you. The people I know who stopped at one did so because of horrible births that put them off every doing it again or secondary infertility.

I guess with just one you have to make more effort on play dates etc to keep them busy but you then also don’t get sibling arguments. Such as muuuum frank is sitting too close to me. Muuuum Zoe is breathing near me . Not really names.

Last sentence makes no sense! Meant to say hardly anyone seems to be stopping at 1...

I think a difficult labour and later pnd also play a part for me, a sort of underlying reason to not do it again. Maybe that's a significant factor in those not automatically planning the next. Food for thought, also finding the replies really interesting

My sister and I had zero in common as children, even less as adults and now speak once a year at Christmas. So having another child is no guarantee of companionship for your DC. If you and your DH are happy, that's all that matters.

I’m an only child. I had a period when I was about 6 that I desperately wanted a sibling (my mum had a miscarriage when I was 4, then thought the age gap would be too big, so no more babies), but otherwise I was pretty content to be an only child. As an adult, I’m very close with my cousins who are 3 years older than me (although we fought when we were children - my mum tells me it was the same as having sisters in that respect!), as well as my closest friend who I consider a sister (call her children my nephews/niece, my parents buy Christmas gifts for them etc.).

The downside will come when my parents die, I’m aware of that - there will be nobody ‘left’ in my immediate family - but I know I’ll have the support of my cousins/‘sister’ etc.

I am currently trying to have a baby as a single parent. I never planned to have an only child when I was growing up, but I have PCOS and getting pregnant is taking time, so now I’d be overjoyed with one!

I think one child is great - I always say that, even though I wasn’t spoiled financially (we didn’t have much money when I was growing up), I was spoiled in terms of attention and time, as my parents only had me to consider.

Ignore the people who question your decision - it’s the right one for you and your family.

Pros for me of only having one child:

more money, a better relationship with DH (who is DS's father), more time and love and attention to give to DS, more patience to give to DS, generally a much happier and more mentally stable mother (note I am speaking about myself here - not applying this to anyone else!!), I would have to have an elective C section which scares me even though I know they technically are very safe, the baby might be disabled (I'm really really sorry if that offends anyone, but I grew up with a disabled sibling and it was so so hard - my mum is an absolute star and I'm just not sure I could do it myself)

cons: I loved the newborn stage and I am worried DS will be lonely when DH and I die.

Neither of those cons, IMO, are good enough reasons to have another child. Babies grow up, and DS and a sibling might not get along.

You have to do what's right for you.

I do not agree with the saying "you'll never regret having another child, but you might regret not having one." I suspect lots of people do actually feel regret regarding children full stop, but it's so taboo that no one talks about it.

Also pro: just an easier family life tbh. I'm one of four and the house was total noisy chaos growing up. Loving chaos, but chaos nonetheless.