I need my children to move out but they will never move out

[vanillaiscool]

I am putting up with

Doors left open, not just unlocked but open. Skid marks in the toilet. Urine on the floor. Won’t shower so smelly. Make cups of tea and coffee so full that they slop over the side of the cup and spill.

It all sounds so petty but it gets me down.

But they have special needs so cannot move out.

Recognising I have this for the rest of my life is miserable.

are they safe at home while you work?

Sorry if this is a twattish question, but if they are able to go outside and come back leaving doors open (I assume you mean front door and are concerned re security), surely they are able to not do the other stuff?

Seriously? My bil can walk out of a door but he wouldn't remember to shower, eat, take his medication etc without instruction. He wouldn't be able to clean up after himself without someone standing and instructing him. I don't think you know much about certain disabilities.

Hey op;

My aunt is in the same position as you, my male cousin is 23 and has various issues however her saviour is respite care where he goes every other weekend and he loves it and it gives her a life. She organised this through her local council - it's all funded too. He also stays a couple of weeks in the summer so she can go on holiday. They are working towards my cousin going into sheltered housing within the next 2 years; she never thought this was a possibility - she was at breaking point but hopefully you could maybe get something similar organised? Xxxx

Have you spoken to your own GP?

Can you afford to pay for a cleaner?

OP from your responses it sounds like you are just down down down today and wanting a rant, and that's absolutely fine, you're entitled to that.

You have had some good suggestions here; your children not recognising a diagnosis or requesting help doesn't mean YOU dont recognise their issues and request help, you absolutely must.

It may be true that your sons can't live independently but - in the same way that you would if there were no SEN - you must talk to them about respecting your home and you could talk to them about needing a break.

My brothers both pissed on the bathroom floor (maybe they still do?!) and I moved out as soon a son I could, and they're able bodied and neurotypical 🙄

I feel for you OP. I'm in a similar situation in that I also have 2 SEN adults, both dx ASD (would of been Aspergers before it was removed) they don't really accept the dx either, mainly because autistic people are seen in a certain way which they don't identify with. The youngest gets PIP but the eldest doesn't get anything. Like your kids she would refuse point blank to do a PIP medical even. I had to bribe her to be assessed for the ASD. They are currently in the process of trying to find part time work. The youngest is struggling with a few hours in a charity shop & the eldest has a kitchen job where communication isn't necessary. Its a pity, because they're both highly intelligent people, just lacking in common sense & communication skills. I don't expect them to leave home any time soon & it is my lifes work to prepare them for life post mum. I am luckier than you are because mine occasionally go to their dads. Without this break I don't know what I'd do, because as you know, help, support & services simply dont exist!

I think you need to self refer to adults with disabilities social work.

Have you got more than one or are you obscuring their sex using they pronouns?

The latter.

Dc not disabled enough to qualify for any help. But also not NT enough to cope alone. It’s just an impossible situation.

Are there any SN specific organisations you can approach for assistance? Have they been through any coaching for life skills like cooking, independent living etc? Social services will do this where they can, but charities are often quicker to assist.

That sounds tough.

Could you contact social services for an assessment of all of your needs? Could someone other than you explain to your kids that it would help if they would claim PIP and ESA because then at least they could contribute financially to the household?

Ultimately they will have to live alone eventually when you become too old/frail so the more that can be done now, the better. I know a moderately autistic person who with social services and therapy support moved into a flat and later went on to marry.

I am a support worker and work in a house that house 8 people with SN this dosent have to be your life

Also make a list of the difficulties your kids have as they don't sound that minor and you may find that they do qualify for help particularly if they have difficulty with self-care (e.g. don't wash unless prompted to) and cannot go to places by themselves.

It does metoo

They won’t be as seriously affected as the people in your house

and even if they were would never agree to it.