Managing someone who is more experienced and quite patronising about it ..

[LadyRussell]

I have been promoted.

My line manager wants me to manage someone who is 10 years older than me, more experienced in the field than me and is really patronising towards me and also very full of herself.

MN please help me with tips.

I can do it but ARGH

*key point - went for the job and didn’t get it.

I'd be interested in understanding their feedback about why they didn't get it before making a move. Doing a job and managing it are two very different things.

I manage my team, the strategy, and act as an escalation point for critical decisions. I understand the theory behind their day to day tasks, but couldn't actually carry them out myself. This is the position you need to take - you're not being paid to that job anymore.

Don't try and make friends.

Be fair and firm.

Talk to her in private if it's ever anything negative, don't humiliate (or try to) in public.

Keep professional always.

Don't accept any shit/backchat, but be polite about it. "what do you mean by that?" is a good one if there are snarky/barbed comments.

Remember you're in a hierarchy, and you can always report up if you need to.

ALWAYS remember, they chose you for a reason, so hold your head high and go for it.

Be proud of yourself!

And congrats on the promotion.

You got the job because they think you will do a better job.

So do your job. Give her objecives, be professional and friendly, document everything and find out what makes her tick. If flexibility is important, do that. Smile. Ignore the patronisation, rise above it. Prove you deserve the job and you might earn her respect. If she doesn't do a good job, performance manage her. Good luck.

In my experience, be less nice.

It’s unfortunate but I’ve found that my usual friendly, relaxed, collegiate style doesn’t work with this kind of person.

Much less friendly, much more “boss” type behaviour. Clear instructions, clear boundaries and don’t take any nonesense.

Some people need to see a hard ass attitude to respect you.

Ridiculous, but there you go.

She might be more experienced at her job than you but you are obviously better working at a different level. It's a bonus to you that you have someone competent in your team.

Sack her, and promote the work experience kid! Issue resolved.

Good for you, well done! Jealous, jealous, jealous, she obviously needs to up her game.

I manage three people about 20 years older than me with on paper more “experience” in our field. They are all totally incompetent and would never be employed at their current grade in today’s climate. Just do your job, if they wanted to work at that senior level they could apply - either they haven’t applied or they aren’t good enough!

Was I the only one expecting an entirely different thread? 😂😂😂

OP, all you've offered is opinions. Give us some evidence:

What has she said? Give examples.

Full of herself? What does that mean? Give examples

Patronising? Give examples.

I've managed a few like this and I agree with some of the above advice

Don't let the barbed comments go and "what did you mean by that statement ?" Is definately a good go to...most effective if delivered with a professional smile and a long stare

I did also find in the early days if it's someone who tries to tell you how to do your job " thank you I have my own views on that "

Write everything down and be clear

Also don't panic if you make mistakes , no matter the experience everyone needs time to adjust to a new role,but if you're dealing with that kind of dynamic it's helpful to own them and also make it clear that mistakes are not a weakness if you learn from them

Finally a direct non speaking stare when they make patronising comments for a good 10 to 12 seconds after the statement then just saying
" ok thank you for that input"and moving on works wonders

You'll be fine ....

What about actually engaging with her experience?

Experience has a value and if you show her you value her experience (asking her opinion and acknowledging her experience without undermining yourself NOT in a "oh you know so much more than me way") you may find your relationship improves.

Demonstrate respect for her experience without over-deference is what I'm trying to say.

Also as echt has said

OP, all you've offered is opinions. Give us some evidence:

What has she said? Give examples.

Full of herself? What does that mean? Give examples

Patronising? Give examples.

When you answer these questions, reflect whether any of it is being generated by the fact you feel uncomfortable managing someone who you know has more experience than you and whether you are being oversensitive because you are too aware of it?

100% not saying you are by the way - just throwing it out for consideration.

You got the job because they think you will do a better job

And what makes you think this is so?

The OP may be cheaper to hire
The OP may be perceived to be or actually be more compliant.
The OP may be the better candidate.

At no point has the OP offered any justification for her ideas yet the post has one full of unjustified projections, e.g jealousy, sack her, etc.
Based on what?

*What has she said? Give examples.

Full of herself? What does that mean? Give examples

Patronising? Give examples.*

Echt she’s not writing an essay and you aren’t her tutor!

You can demand examples and a justification of her OP but LadyRussel is in no way obliged to provide them.

I wouldn’t, given your post.

What Crystal said. You could learn from her and she'd be completely on side with you if you take that approach.

You could learn from her and she'd be completely on side with you if you take that approach.

No, not necessarily.

And not in my experience.

Which doesn't appear to be extensive judging by the advice you've given.

echt she’s not writing an essay and you aren’t her tutor! You can demand examples and a justification of her OP but LadyRussel is in no way obliged to provide them

But it seriously undermines the case she wishes to make. People have piled in give the OP advice based on...nothing. They're all imagining and projecting. If the OP explained, she would then get pertinent comments that could actually help her manage a potentially difficult situation.

People have piled in give the OP advice based on...nothing.

Such is the nature of Mumsnet. We can only ever offer advice on the basis of what the OP tells us. Regardless of how much detail we get we can never be sure it accurate or unbiased.

You’d be more likely to get additional detail from the OP by asking nicely though.

BlueLady I am cut to the very quick.

When you have staff that have been there longer than you and are more experienced, you do have to handle them differently.

It’s a good idea to include them in decision making and/or invite them to share their ideas, so they get on board with you and realise you value their input because their experience is important.

You may have been promoted because you’re good at your job, but that doesn’t mean you know everything. Particularly with long serving members of staff they often have a much better knowledge of how the job works but haven’t been promoted for various reasons (they simply don’t want to, don’t feel up to it, suffer with low confidence etc).

So it is important to acknowledge their experience and incorporate it into your management style. You should be looking to lead them in a participatory way rather than a directive one.

You’d be more likely to get additional detail from the OP by asking nicely though I take it you're addressing me. I'm typing with a cast on my arm - massive drip feed, I know. It has certainly made my emails more, ahem, concise.:o

Still the OP hasn't been back after posting an ARGH OP.

Is there an option to move her into another team? I'd be having that conversation with your new line manager. good teams need to be made up of individuals all pulling together to the same goals. I'm not sure she'd be in the right frame of mind for that.

Oh dear Echt sorry to hear that! I hope you aren’t in too much pain.