First day of holidays and neighbour complained about children playing outside

[smileycath]

My new neighbour called round this afternoon to complain about my children playing outside. She is retired but works from home as a translator and needs to concentrate and my children's screaming and football games are making this impossible.

I feel gutted. It's the first day of the summer holidays. I'm a lone parent to three boys aged 6, 8 and 9. We don't have a garden and it's only recently that I've felt able to let them go out with friends on the street. They play on the road below and I can keep an eye on them from the window. They are a bit noisy but there's never more than half a dozen of them and they're not a nightmare.

She suggested that we have a compromise and that they be allowed to play out for half an hour in the morning and half an hour in the afternoon. I couldn't agree to this and she obviously thought I was being unreasonable but honestly when the weather is nice I don't want them stuck in front of screens.

She said they should be in the park and that the street wasn't a playground. Fair enough and we do go to the park a lot and I try to take them out at some point every day but some days we're at home for longer periods and I want them to play out. I'm self-employed working from home too and have to squeeze in a few hours each day and this is often when they play out.

She argued they were old enough to go to the park on their own but my youngest is only six and my eldest is slightly autistic and certainly not able to look after the others. Plus there's a road to cross and somebody was recently stabbed in the park during the day!

My next door neighbour overheard our conversation on the doorstep and said FFS but his children are older and go further afield now. I feel like this woman is not going to let it drop and I hate confrontation. What can I do?

It's not done where I live. No one would ever let their child play out in the street. I agree with an earlier poster that this is a geographical thing.

Most councils can and do prohibit people from "running businesses" from home

That’s not necessarily true. Most councils will have some legislation surrounding the type of business you can run from a residential property.

I run a business from home and it’s fully in the remit of what my Council would permit.

The misery from some of these posters.

OP, the worst thing about modern childhood now is a lack of freedom and independence. Sounds like your road is ideal for your kids to have both of those precious things. It used to be that kids would play out constantly and it was so much healthier. Sod this ridiculous woman, there's got to be the back of the house surely? People seem to have this huge sense of entitlement to their own wishes now - to demand your kids stay in all but an hour a day is ridiculous.

So when you want to work from home you let your kids out to play on the street so you can get on with your work, but when she wants to work from home she has to cope with your kids playing outside her house disturbing her concentration.

From her point of view this is very unfair.

Ignore her, totally. She'll have to adjust, she can;t expect your kids to be kept in and away all the time. I honestly think it's sad that people complain about kids playing outdoors - they also complain about kids being spoiled, sitting in front of tvs, playing video games, the state of the world, kids obesity crisis etc etc. As a parent it feel like you can't win some days.
Our kids have no where near the freedom we had as children and we had the grumpy older childless neighbour who couldn't bear the sound of kids playing.Our parents ignored her but made sure we weren't actually doing anything wrong either

oh, and our kids play out on the street around here, they call for each other, play hopscotch on the payment or draw, play on scooters - ball games are kept to the park as there's not enough room but otherwise they are free to play up and down.

It depends on what they are doing. Balls kicked against her house is absolutely not okay, and is screaming necessary?

Hopscotch, drawing, scooters, all seem like good suggestions. They are not as annoying as football and probably safer too.

It's the summer holidays! It's temporary. She will just have to put up with it.

My 5yr old plays out with older siblings. All the streets kids seem to play on our garden so it's noisy...but temporary. My husband manages to work from home!

Ignore her, totally. She'll have to adjust, she can;t expect your kids to be kept in and away all the time. I honestly think it's sad that people complain about kids playing outdoors - they also complain about kids being spoiled, sitting in front of tvs, playing video games, the state of the world, kids obesity crisis etc etc. As a parent it feel like you can't win some days

Why are the only options screaming and kicking footballs or having kids addicted to screens

Why can’t it be the OP and her children adjust? So absolutely plenty of time outside but no balls being kicked against walls and no screaming?

What it comes down to is that she doesn't own the road. Children play outside in the summer.

Tell your boys to keep the shouting to an absolute minimum and no ball games. That's all you can do.

It's a residential street, in summer holidays, not a workplace or a library! There are plenty of places kids aren't allowed to go these days. She'll have to suck it up...I'm a homeworker and I have noise from neighbours, that's life!! If she wants silence she needs to buy a detached house in the middle of nowhere. Just don't listen to her, and don't feel guilty.

We have to SHARE our environments. I'm the most noise sensitive person but it's tough doo-da! They are children, let them play.

The streets used to be full of children playing when we were young and it's a terrible shame this doesn't happen anymore. Just stop the kids bouncing a ball at her house if they are doing that.

She can pay for a desk in an office somewhere, put ear plugs in, close the windows, go to the library, the coffee shop etc.

Just ignore her. She is a CF. I work at home and can hear children playing outside quite a bit in the summer (I also live in a cul de sac). It can be a bit irritating but if I worked in an office it probably wouldn't be deadly silent either. If it gets really noisy, I wear earplugs.

I don't think they should play ball games in the road though. When children do that I am always a bit concerned about the potential for damage (to cars, windows etc) which is very distracting.

We have to SHARE our environments

Absolutely. Which means compromise on both parts.

This would drive me nuts. Before the neighbours’ kids grew up, the little girl used to scream, literally all day. It was horrific. I couldn’t leave a window open. Balls hitting a wall and screaming are extremely annoying. I think it’s unreasonable to allow the kids to play unsupervised for hours.

translate this: Va te faire voutre

It’s foutre.

I'm pleasantly surprised to see this is 50/50, I expected a whole 100% to say 'little johnny can do what he likes'.

compromise is king : so no balls, keep screaming to a minimum. That way both parties get to enjoy their environment.

If they’re screaming bring them in. Normal playing noise she has to suck up I’m afraid.

Well firstly, a road is for cars NOT for children to play on so they shouldn't be out there anyway. Take them to the park.

Secondly, why would she have to put up with screaming kids all day long when she is trying to work? How rude of you to suggest she works elsewhere, it's her house.

Control your children and stop them screaming when they are outside. As for kicking balls against walls and fences - stop them doing it!

I also work from home and get up at 5am in the holidays to get stuff done. If she says anything again suggest that she gets up early

Or OP could do that instead?

It's hilarious that OP is entitled to sit in her house working in relative peace while her DC play outside someone else's house - and yet it's the neighbour who's supposed to take herself off to the library/wear headphones/move rooms/get up at 5am to accommodate OP and her DCs' needs

And I grew up in the 50s, when we did play outside. We just weren't allowed to annoy the neighbours, that's all.

Advise she buy noise cancelling headphones. Children playing = normal, acceptable noise.

As for the half hour in the morning and half hour in the evening - she's off her head.

I had a neighbour like this (a man) made my life miserable (granted he coupled it with racist slurs and telling me I should beat my kids). She can solve this problem herself with a virtual trip to Amazon - I have some amazing noise cancelling headphones and they were not expensive.

It's hilarious that OP is entitled to sit in her house working in relative peace while her DC play outside someone else's house - and yet it's the neighbour who's supposed to take herself off to the library/wear headphones/move rooms/get up at 5am to accommodate OP and her DCs' needs grin

Perhaps the OP could buy the headphones for her. Either way children playing is acceptable and expected daytime noise. I would ask whether a compromise could be reached but the two half hour suggestion hints that it may be a hard won thing.

Well as long as they're not kicking a ball against her house or screaming then there's no issue. It's holiday time. I work from home too and I can't change the environment outside. If it's intolerable then she'll have to wear ear plugs or hotdesk. She can't expect the neighborhood to tiptoe around silently because she has elected to work from home.

I work in a busy and hetic environment, people talking, office equipment noisy, radio, traffic outside, air con, the mumbling of busy office life really, I still meet dead lines etc..

I would not be changing anything, only for my children to be more mindful of their noise levels, 6 year old playing outside is fine, depending on the child and the area, Mum knows best, as she’s the one evaluating the risk assessment for her child.

When I was a kid we were allowed to play out in the street, and we were also expected not to scream and shout, and would be told off if we did. Teach your kids some respect for others and tell them to keep the noise down.

I have no problem with kids playing outside.

However I do think letting a 6 year old is way, way too young.

I think it’s a blind spot for parents, there are other ‘older’ kids and ‘everyone else’ let’s their kids play and ‘it’s a cul de sac’.

It’s a road. A public road. No adult is supervising. It’s not worth the risk.

Kids as young as 5 played outside where I used to live, but I didn’t let my son out until he was older. Why?

• because I would not let my 6 year old be unsupervised by an adult in any other scenario, why then a road? There’s a thread here about posters being horrified that a Dad is letting his 8 year old stay at home with 10 year old sister while he goes out.
• because ear shot is a false security. It’s not supervising. They could go around the corner and you wouldn’t know.
• because I witnessed several things that worried me when I lived near kids playing

- younger kids running after the balk across the street without looking at all. I’ve twice seen cars have to put on the brakes. Locals go slow but delivery vans go fast.

• I’ve seen bullying, insidious bullying. They know no parents are around so can get away with making younger ones do humiliating stuff. I’ve had to intervene. Once a 5 year old was being made talk about his private parts and they were making him take down his trousers. Just to laugh at him. His brother was there but too scared to stand up to them. Luckily I noticed it from my window and had a word with everyone but it’s scary.
• accidents. The boys had no one keeping an eye so the younger ones would sometimes do really silly stuff, shaking walls etc. A 10 year old was more sensible but younger ones have less cop on and will follow an older boy.
• Roaming dogs. I’ve never seen a dog go for a child but I have seen young kids follow a dog and not look for cars.

I don’t know. It’s not worth the risk for a little one surely?