Does anyone else feel a bit crap about their in laws hating them

[LadyRussell]

Should I feel lucky about this or is it ok to feel a bit shit.

DH brother and him fell out last year. It wasn’t really related to me, it was some deep rooted stuff which ended coming out in a row about other things. Some of it was to do with me but it wasn’t my fault and I did try to appeal to them both not to “never speak again” but that fell on deaf ears and they and we (his family and ours have NC). DH is adamant this will be the case forever.

During the row BIL said DH had “changed” since he had met me (9 years ago). I have supported him in getting support for his anxiety and he has had counselling and made changes to help himself.

DH Mother makes no effort with him at all. Kicked him out to join the forces aged 16 and she didn’t work for years and used to contact DH when she needed a loan. He always makes an effort every year with her bday and she doesn’t even bother to text. I blew one year (his 40th) and she has bearly spoken to me since although made a big palava about having her photo taken with me on our wedding day. Doesn’t bother with her Grandchildren- ever. They saw her last year (they are not my DC) and they didn’t know who she was.

DH sister also borrowed loads of money that she never paid back. Didn’t bother coming to our wedding and has visited us once in 9 years. Again she accuses me of coming between her and her brother (she never phones - and he isn’t with me all week) or sends a bday (because she had a 3 month old baby) card or makes any effort whatsoever with us or her nieces. I deleted her from FB because of all the bollocks she posts about being an Auntie (she doesn’t even know when their bdays are). She last saw them 6 years ago.

DH Dad and partner lovely and make loads of effort to see us and the kids and he is really suppportive of us and I know has stuck up for me to the rest of them.

Is this me who is a shit stirring trouble maker or am I getting a lucky escape here?

Meh. Last time I saw my MIL I punched her in the face 🤷🏻‍♀️

My mil doesn’t like me at all

She’s visited us 3 times in 10 years and has never met the younger one

Meh. Last time I saw my MIL I punched her in the face

@NotUmbongoUnchained

Please please please tell us that story :)

Yes do

Shes done some awful things.

I gave her 3 warnings to leave my doorstep or I’d knock her off it.

Ended up knocking her off it

My in laws hate me too. They are as batshit as yours sound. Fuck them. Mine and yours.

Sounds as if you’ve been a huge source of support to your DH. If he’s changed it’s for the better. Don’t pressure him to contact them if it’s not what he wants.

You are the scapegoat in their excuse for being shitty people.
You are lucky to not have to see them.

Op you only want to keep up with the nice people in life. People who validate you and are friendly kind and supportive. Anyone else cut off be they friends or family.

Your poor dh.

All you can do is stay strong for your husband.

Mine isn’t always strong enough to tell his mother to fuck off so I have to do it for him.

(It is sad though, DH and I are really sad about the situation with his stupid family)

I know - he says he doesn’t care but I think it must hurt on some level.

I feel so angry for him.

Yeah I felt like I told his mother to fuck off for him.

He was annoyed with me though.

DH and I no longer speak to his kids or sister. They dumped us over something that was contrived to make us look bad. The fact they didn't even want to hear our side which would have been very enlightening for them makes me happy we are estranged. Sometimes estranged is good. In fact sometimes it's for the best. Embrace it perhaps?

You are the scapegoat in their excuse for being shitty people

I hadn’t thought about it like that

Mine are a bunch of dyed in the wool cunts. Fell out with me big time when their precious boy battered me while preg with his child.

I don’t speak to my in laws. I tried for years and they never gave me the time of day. I realised it’s not my fault and my FIL is just a horrible control freak. I’m not sure about my MIL, I don’t think she’s too bad deep down, but she’s been with him over 50 years so what he says goes and she would never go against him.

TBF his best friend, who he has been friends with since she was 18 loves me.

Mine hate me too. It used to bother me because I didn’t understand why but now I realise they’re just fucking barking!

They like to pick fights too. Such as asking DH to ask my permission for them to come and visit the kids whilst we’re on holiday so if we said no it’d be all my fault despite it being a really fucking weird request I said yes and they suddenly decided they were too busy

Of course you’re the scapegoat! I am too. So much easier for them to blame “evil DIL” than reflecting on their own dysfunction and shitty behaviour.

I feel a bit torn.

DH obviously wants a relationship with them but I do not.

I can see why his ex wife used to let him get on with visiting with their kids without her.

He can see them without you.

I’m still undecided about letting my DH take DS to see the in laws without me. That’s exactly what they want (to pretend I don’t exist) and I also worry they would try to poison DS against me, although DH wouldn’t tolerate it, but he can’t supervise every single interaction.

His kids (although I love them) are not my kids. So luckily we don’t have that issue - not sure if their mother would want them going there but that’s not my row to have.

When DSD2 was about 5 was the only thing me her Nana visited. She was asked to say goodnight to her and refused and pointed her her and said “I don’t like her”

*time

My ILs don't like me but I don't like them either.

I think if you don't like them either, their opinion shouldn't matter.

I'm always polite though.