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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to be mightily peeved at end of Term "Oscars"

61 replies

ohwellherewegoagain · 23/07/2018 18:59

Ds1 is just finishing year 2, and the teachers put alot of thought into putting on an end of year awards ceremony type show. The kids were asked to dress up, looked very cute, and most parents got a little bit emotional. All good so far. I understand the need to include everyone, but I felt it got a little out of hand. The categories had nothing to do with any type of achievement (academic, sporting, artistic, whatever) and were pretty meaningless eg a bunch of girls getting a prize for "best friend". Now I don't want to rain on the kids' parade, but the thing is, it's not actually incentivising the kids at all. The following is not a stealth boast, because I have name changed to do this and have been at pains not to crow my DS's achievements all over social media. I want him to be a regular, grounded kid. But despite some ill health he got 100% in his SATs. Fantastic achievement. Did he get an academic award? Na.Just one for knowing how to use computers. He actually came away feeling that he was pretty shit. Surely that can't be right? Can't we get the balance right?

OP posts:

FairiesAndChocolate · 23/07/2018 19:02

No its not right. Setting kids up to think they will always win sets them up badly

SoupDragon · 23/07/2018 19:05

Teachers can’t win.

Original poster

ohwellherewegoagain · 23/07/2018 19:06

It just feels like the whole "fake news" scenario- parents boasting on fb of meaningless achievements, kids become entitled, whereas those of us who have done something are too modest to crow about it. So the reality becomes the falsehood.

OP posts:

NewYearNewMe18 · 23/07/2018 19:08

But there have been countless threads about ""good"" children missing out at awards because they are so vanilla and never draw attention to themselves.

Now there is an all inclusive awards ceremony, that's still not right because they';ll all think they deserve something every time.

So what's it to be?

wellBeehivedWoman · 23/07/2018 19:10

But he's only in year 2. At that age surely the focus should be on giving the kids a celebration that makes them feel good and includes them all? There will be so many future occasions for your DS to be recognised and rewarded for his academic strengths, but he and his classmates are still so young.

catherinedevalois · 23/07/2018 19:10

Crikey, they're 7. Can't they have a bit of fun?

Hopefully they all found it funny. Child who'd had the most plasters, the most keyrings on their bag, non-stop talker etc etc

Original poster

ohwellherewegoagain · 23/07/2018 19:11

Teachers can win. The SEN kids still get included with prizes for effort, improvement, etc, everyone has a talent somewhere. Ds 1's teacher is great, but it's all failed at the fina hurdle - to miss out the blindlingly obvious - they are afraid to give a prize for actually doing well in an exam. They used to do this sort of thing in preschool - every kid gets a medal for sports day - that's fine, 2 year old kids don't understand, will tantrum, its appropriate for them. But 7 year olds know their own minds, and are learning to be independent. They should be allowed to grow to understand the real world, and be comfortable in themselves with their strengths and weaknesses.

OP posts:

RavenWings · 23/07/2018 19:11

Zzz. He got an award after all. Someone else may have been more deserving of the academic one. Don't take it all so seriously.

Imchangingmyname · 23/07/2018 19:11

I'm not sure what you're complaining about. It sounds like FB gloating has got to you, rather than the ceremony itself. If it makes you feel better then do some 'academic' boasting yourself.

NewYearNewMe18 · 23/07/2018 19:33

A child that gets 100% when they are capable and expected to get 100%, that's no achievement.

But a child that gets 80% when they were only expected to get 60% and really dug in and put in so much effort has actually achieved so much more

Racecardriver · 23/07/2018 19:37

Surely the children understood that it was just for fun?

Pingipinguin · 23/07/2018 19:42

he's only in year 2. At that age surely the focus should be on giving the kids a celebration that makes them feel good and includes them all? There will be so many future occasions for your DS to be recognised and rewarded for his academic strengths, but he and his classmates are still so young.

I completely agree with this. He and his classmates won't go through the rest of their childhood thinking that because of this one circumstance, they're entitled to achieve at everything.
They're young, leave them be.
I wonder why teachers even bother having fun things like this for the kids when the adults get so touchy about it.
Never did me or my kids any harm or any other kids I know!

Bombardier25966 · 23/07/2018 19:47

They should be allowed to grow to understand the real world, and be comfortable in themselves with their strengths and weaknesses.

They're seven FFS. Let them have fun. Next you'll be talking about personal development plans!

MarthaArthur · 23/07/2018 19:47

🙄🙄 your kid got an award. Everyone was happy. They are bloody kids. They have a life of dissappointments ahead of them.

Original poster

ohwellherewegoagain · 23/07/2018 19:48

Seems I have posted amongst a sea of snowflakes! Let's celebrate mediocrity!

OP posts:

MarthaArthur · 23/07/2018 19:52

Op get over yourself. So what did you want? Just your kid to get an award and everyone to know he got 100% and is just soooooooo clever?

Other kids in primary school dont often have academic acheivements and their behaviour does improve when they feel they have incentive even if they arent smart.

Pingipinguin · 23/07/2018 19:53

Perhaps all the kids should've filled out appraisals so that they're comfortable in themselves with their strengths and weaknesses
Honestly OP, it was just a bit of fun for young kids at the end of the year.
Don't you worry, when they get to secondary school, their lives will be full of disappointment.
If you want to know more about his academic achievements and how pleased the teachers are so you can reward him yourself, wait until the next parents' evening.
That way, it'll all be about your DS!

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 23/07/2018 19:53

YABU
Not much else to say tbh

WineGummyBear · 23/07/2018 19:56

Another vote for get over yourself.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 23/07/2018 19:58

Ds 1's teacher is great, but it's all failed at the fina hurdle - to miss out the blindlingly obvious - they are afraid to give a prize for actually doing well in an exam.

er, what? at 7 I'd say knowing how to be a good friend was a lot more important than performing well in some arbitrary governmental test for school policing, tbh.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 23/07/2018 20:00

I’m all for celebrating academic success. But....

The kids who achieve academically have that itself as the reward. The top of the class, the A’s in every subject etc. What about kids who will NEVER get anywhere near the top of the class and who time and again get put on the bottom table or in the extra needs class etc. These kids quickly learn that they’re bottom. Some will pull themselves up, some will never be able to.

So let them have their “best friend” certificate, you miserable sod! The time for formal acknowledgement in academic achievement will come much later. It’s not a question of celebrating mediocrity but celebrating kids’ best qualities.

I think it’s also great for the really academic to see that actually people place value on things and qualities OTHER than purely academic achievement. I think the academic ones can quickly get a high opinion of themselves from a young age and dismiss the ones near the the bottom of the class as “not worth bothering with”. If you really must look ahead that far, OP, then you’re going to never shocked to learn that uni admissions tutors will look for a rounded person with different strengths, as well advertised the academic entrance requirements.

Lastly. They have just finished infants school. They were in nappies a few years before.

NapQueen · 23/07/2018 20:01

In Y2 they shouldnt even know theyve done sats. Getting 100% is great but its a reflection on teaching.

Did you just want his score made public?

Pingipinguin · 23/07/2018 20:01

Seems I have posted amongst a sea of snowflakes! Let's celebrate mediocrity!

'Mediocrity'?
They're in year 2.
You're not talking about year 11s or even year 7s!
Year 2!!!!

he actually came away feeling that he was pretty shit
I find it hard to believe that a year 2 child would feel so bad about their confidence levels after winning an award at school.
Are you sure you didn't make him feel shit about the situation? Making him feel that the award he got was worth nothing?

greencatbluecat · 23/07/2018 20:01

I think the teachers were trying to make all the kids feel good about themselves and education. The end result will hopefully be that these positive vibes will make them all put in even more effort next year. In an ideal world, each child should do their personal best, whatever that maybe.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 23/07/2018 20:02

If you've done well in a test, you've had acknowledgement of your achievement through the result.

Perhaps you'd feel a bit better if you did stoop to a bit of social media bragging.

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