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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to re-gift unwanted presents?

64 replies

vincettenoir · 23/07/2018 08:30

I had never re-gifted anything until about a year ago and now I have started, I cant believe I didn’t get on board with it sooner.

As far as I’m concerned you can re-gift something specific, that you think a particular individual would really like; or you can re-gift something generic (champagne, chocolates that almost anyone would like). As long as you don’t give someone some old rubbish that was obviously an unwanted gift, then it is fine.

But when I have shared my views with people on this they think that re-gifting is just wrong, in principle.

Do you re-gift? What are the pitfalls of re-gifting. To me it is a pragmatic way to save time, money and space in my home.

OP posts:

Shoxfordian · 23/07/2018 08:32

I think regifting is fine as long as you don't accidentally give the gift back to whoever gave you it or to someone they know. Essentially as long as you're not going to get caught out!

PaulRuddislush · 23/07/2018 08:34

I do it all the time. Some regifts have been so successful I've bought more of whatever it is to give again.

BottleOfJameson · 23/07/2018 08:36

I think it's fine as long as the original gift wasn't very personal. I've been given little ornaments that aren't to my taste but wouldn't regift because the person had put effort into choosing it. Stuff like books you have two copies of, chocolates, wine etc are obviously fine as long as you don't give it to someone the original giver knows.

Ohmylord59789234 · 23/07/2018 08:37

I don’t regift, my sister does it all the time and I find it a bit unthoughtful although I’m not sure if she’s just being passive aggressive
I gave her a smellies set for Christmas, 3 years later I received it back, I gave her perfume for Christmas and in June she gave it back to me for my birthday! I gave her fluffy socks for Christmas 2 years ago, went round my mums last Christmas and there they were she had given them to my mum
I don’t think I’m bad at buying presents I think she’s ungrateful and unthoughtful
Now if I recceive a gift I really don’t want I pass it on to one of my girls or put it in the charity shop
If it was really expensive I might try to exchange it or even sell on eBay, but I felt disappointed not only that my sister didn’t like her gifts but that she couldn’t be bothered to go and buy something I would like so just passed stuff back, we don’t buy for each other anymore

ZoeWashburne · 23/07/2018 08:42

I'm totally fine with regifting hostess-type gifts- soaps, candles, wine, chocolates etc. As well as those TK Maxx/ boots style bath/beauty packs that always float around near Christmas.

I'm not inherently against it with personal birthday/ christmas gifts, but I do have to admit I would be hurt if I found out, for example, a really beautiful scarf I bought for a friend was refitted. I have a friend who is like Rachel on "Friends" with gifts and returns/ subtly regifts everything. I do have to admit I find it hurtful and just end up taking her to dinner or something. We got a truly horrible vase one year from my husband's great aunt. However, when she came over the next year, it got fished out of the bottom of the hall cupboard and displayed on the mantel for her visit.

Although be careful- I once was given a really nice set of penhalagon soaps for hosting a christmas party one year from "The Smiths". I opened them up and under the box was a note "Dear Smith Family, Thanks so much for hosting us, love the Jonses". I couldn't help but laugh. Of course we all do it for those type and I could have easily done the same thing.

mnahmnah · 23/07/2018 08:47

I save up all the gift set tat I get for the twice yearly school fair donation request. At least then it’s doing some good for the school, so I don’t feel so bad doing it

FishingIsNotASport · 23/07/2018 08:50

ohmylord nobody wants to receive a box of smellies as a gift. The charity shops are full of them. Also, buying perfume for someone else, if it's not what they usually use or have asked for, is not a good idea. Probably best you don't buy for each other anymore. As for regifting, I don't see anything wrong with it.

MsBagelLady · 23/07/2018 08:53

Absolutely not unreasonable in the slightest. The item you were given now belongs to you and you may do whatever you wish with it. The giver's part is over once they have given it to you, they experienced the joy of giving it to you and now it's yours to chuck in the bin, give to a charity shop, give to someone else or keep.

EmpressJewel · 23/07/2018 08:55

I always try and buy gifts to limit the potential for regifting, so that often involves asking the recipient what they want, keeping receipts or buying vouchers.

I will regift myself,but only if it’s something I know the recipient wants. Otherwise, the gift is donated to the school fete or charity shop.

Items that I have found to end up in that position:
Toiletries sets - the ones that come out at Christmas in Boots
Ditto those cooking sets, with pasta bowls, or oil bottles etc
Novelty gifts like office desk games, adult joke books etc

I’m not saying these types of gifts aren’t appreciated, but I don’t enjoy them.

Ohmylord59789234 · 23/07/2018 08:55

I asked her what she wanted she said she liked to receive posh smellies because she always buys herself cheap Lidl shower gel etc so saw it as a treat to have something nice! So that’s what I bought
The sets she gave me back I used them, everyone needs smellies

AlwaysWantedToBeATenenbaum · 23/07/2018 08:57

I always do this!!! Better someone else use whatever it is than going in the bin!

CherryPavlova · 23/07/2018 08:58

Regifting saves the world from increasing the amount of tat being produced - all that ‘not on the high street’ rubbish nobody wants and worse. Put a label with name of sender on it to avoid offence when selecting new recipient. We do one of several things with the ghastly junk we receive - regift, donate to charity, take to friends post Christmas silly games evening as prizes or save for local fete.

My mother in law is more extreme and hands back to the sender (family only) telling them she doesn’t want it but since they chose it they probably liked it.

I can’t have some truly offensive Llandro ornament, a piece of cheap metal ‘garden art’ or colour changing mugs in daily sight. Too awful despite being delighted at the generosity of the giver.

Lilacwine1 · 23/07/2018 08:58

YANBU I have always re-gifted, but as you say, make sure you don't re-gift any old shit. I can always tell if I have been re-gifted, it is so random. I was given a cocktail shaker for my birthday, millions of of years ago, which was really weird as I didn't even drink at the time.

SoozC · 23/07/2018 08:58

I regift some things and others to charity. I always appreciate the thought but at a time when I'm trying to declutter, it can be hard to be given things (especially end-of-year teacher presents). I love being given shower stuff as a gift but never get enough! I also like anything with a shelf life, eg. chocolate, flowers, wine, as they can be enjoyed for a short while without the guilt of what to do with them a week after they're given.

I'd say regift if you're not giving it back to the person who gave it to you.

funmummy48 · 23/07/2018 09:04

It's recycling.....and we're always being told we should recycle more. I am careful not to regift to the original fiver or to anyone else within that friendship circle.

funmummy48 · 23/07/2018 09:05

Original giver not fiver!!! 😉

JennieLee · 23/07/2018 09:05

I was very hurt after having bought a book for my mother that I thought she would particularly like. It related to the city abroad where she was born and had been beautifully printed by a small independent press. A week or so after her birthday she told me she would like to give it to one of her friends, because - having looked at it- she reckoned it would then take up too much room on her shelves, (It was a slim volume.)

I think it was her intention to cause me distress.

WineIsMyMainVice · 23/07/2018 09:09

I mainly do it with the kids presents. They get so much stuff and sometimes we’ve had duplicates or just way to many of a particular item. I think at one point DS had something like 6 Thomas jigsaws, so I re gifted one before it was opened. Nothing wrong with it in my opinion. How many jigsaws can one 3yo want/need?!

Missingthesea · 23/07/2018 09:09

I once gave my MIL a gift I really liked and thought she would like too as we tended to have similar taste, but in case she didn't like it I told her i wouldn't be at all offended if she passed it on to someone else.
She was quite shocked and said she would never ever do that with a gift, because of the thought that would have gone into choosing it. While I could understand her point of view, after she died there was a room full of unused gifts to be cleared. I would far rather a gift was used and enjoyed, even if not by the original recipient.

Chickenbhunaandoice · 23/07/2018 09:09

It's recycling.....and we're always being told we should recycle more. I am careful not to regift to the original fiver or to anyone else within that friendship circle.

It is more helpful not to buy all the crap in the 1st place. Gift giving has got ridiculous- we are a consumer mad society. Just but 1 small thing like a bar of their favourite chocolate or a small bunch of flowers for really close friends and family and cut everyone else off a giving list- they will be relieved.

Stopping gift giving was a great relief all round. A £1 gift carefully chosen means more than a pile of buy it cheap in boots sale and then pass it onto anyone generic crap.

RussiaRussia · 23/07/2018 09:11

I give them to school raffles or teacher gifts.

Chickenbhunaandoice · 23/07/2018 09:11

everyone needs smellies

Not those with allergies. We had years of my DD being given piles of boots crap gift sets by relatives- she couldn't use any. While my DS's got cash or game cards.

Thoughtless tat gifts.

Figmentofimagination · 23/07/2018 09:13

I regift, and don't see a problem with it. Especially if it's a smelly set or bath set as I can't use them. I just make sure not to give it back to the person who gave it to me.

I usually give it to the other side of the family, so if it's come from someone on my side, I give it to my in laws and vice versa. Every so often me and my mum also swap what we have in our regift drawers if we are struggling to get rid of something.

Chickenbhunaandoice · 23/07/2018 09:13

teacher gifts

Lucky teachers to get your discarded crap.

Birdsgottafly · 23/07/2018 09:15

Regifting is fine. But I also think that mentioning to someone that you aren't drinking etc and asking them if they can use it, if it is a close family member/friend, is also fine.

I would hate for my money to be wasted, or get a gift really wrong. I think that the gift should be about the receiver. Which is why I don't understand why posters often say, "buy a bottle of wine/champagne" if money is asked for.

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