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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to re-gift unwanted presents?

64 replies

vincettenoir · 23/07/2018 08:30

I had never re-gifted anything until about a year ago and now I have started, I cant believe I didn’t get on board with it sooner.

As far as I’m concerned you can re-gift something specific, that you think a particular individual would really like; or you can re-gift something generic (champagne, chocolates that almost anyone would like). As long as you don’t give someone some old rubbish that was obviously an unwanted gift, then it is fine.

But when I have shared my views with people on this they think that re-gifting is just wrong, in principle.

Do you re-gift? What are the pitfalls of re-gifting. To me it is a pragmatic way to save time, money and space in my home.

OP posts:
greendale17 · 23/07/2018 09:19

@Ohmylord59789234

You don’t think you are bad at giving gifts? Smelliest and socks? Yeah that’s pretty lame

3stonedown · 23/07/2018 09:20

I always re-gift prosecco. For some reason people don't believe me when I say I don't drink so I get tonnes of it at birthday/christmas. Luckily I know a lot of people who do like it. MIL buys me a lot of "interesting" bits which I don't use, but I wouldn't re-gift it as it's quite obviously random crap (think gogglebox notepads and tins of plasters).

Birdsgottafly · 23/07/2018 09:26

My mother in law is more extreme and hands back to the sender (family only) telling them she doesn’t want it but since they chose it they probably liked it.

As said, I think that's fine. We shouldn't be pressured into giving stuff we don't need, want and especially haven't asked for, house room.

"Everyone needs smellies"

But people tend to like what they like and what suits their skin. It used to annoy me that I had to spend on my SIL, who would ask for something specific, but would buy me back 'smellies' of an equal value, but I'm not into expensive bath stuff, so really, I would be spending out and get nothing back.

When I was a child/young Adult in a WC area in the 70's, all this gift giving didn't go on.

The adverts coming up to Christmas now show people buying for neighbours. It's all about getting us to spend money.

""Regifting saves the world from increasing the amount of tat being produced""

Unfortunately it doesn't. Giving money, or going out to do something together, is the only thing that will cut down on the crap that fills the shops.

Ohmylord59789234 · 23/07/2018 09:28

Read my post, SHE ASKED FOR SMELLIES!!!

specialsubject · 23/07/2018 09:29

cut out the middleman and declare a ceasefire on all adult presents. especially the crap ones females get, all of which have to stink for some reason.

if you must, give food or drink because it disappears.

LovingLola · 23/07/2018 09:34

I hate the word smellies.

Notso · 23/07/2018 09:44

I regift the children's duplicate gifts.
My unwanted gifts, usually toiletry sets, gadgets with 'maker' in the name or cooking sets go to school/church fairs, toiletries to food bank.
I don't feel bad about doing it really, my in laws are pretty bad at buying gifts. They ask what people want but are a bit obsessed with it not looking enough so buy something similar but bigger. DH asked for a Molton Brown shower gel he really likes the smell of, PIL obviously thought one shower gel wasn't enough so didn't buy it but bought him two gigantic Baylis and Harding sets and some novelty socks.
DD asked for two good quality make up brushes of a certain brand, they got her a gigantic set of rubbish ones from Boots.
They spend the similar amounts but on big things nobody really wants.

twoshedsjackson · 23/07/2018 09:44

As a teacher, I often got bottles of very nice wine, from parents who had no idea I was teetotal. I appreciated the generous thought - and my nearest and dearest loved the wine, toasting said school as they quaffed it! I also loved the posh smellies; one of the markers of retirement was finally having to revert to supermarket own brand when the regular Christmas/end of school year stockpile ran out. Recycling needs to be done with care and tact e.g. a far-flung charity shop, and even if baffling, (ask any teacher)I tried to remember the kind thoughts which prompted it.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 23/07/2018 09:45

I don't re-gift, but do recycle. Most gifts that I can't use I pass on to the school tombola. I get given wine a lot, and it's often not what I'd drink. I ask my neighbours to help themselves from that stock.

I've told this story a billion times, but I once fell foul of keeping and displaying something I didn't like so as not to cause offence to the giver. SIL bought me a small print by a well-know, but very "marmite" artist (think Beryl Cook but not quite so bad). I wasn't keen, but thought it was sweet that she bought it, and found a relatively discreet place to hang it.

On my next birthday, I received two large framed prints by the same artist from a group of friends. One had noticed the print SIL had bought me, and everyone clubbed together to get me more "as I loved them so much".

susurration · 23/07/2018 09:49

I've just sent a load of old unopened smellies and wash sets to the women's refuge. They'll probably make far more use of it than I will!

My sister regularly gives that kind of thing to foodbanks too.

PinstripeElephant · 23/07/2018 09:56

I regift unwanted gift cards, if I know it's something the recipient would want.

For some reason work always give me Game vouchers for my birthday Confused never mentioned playing games in my life! So my 13 and 11 year old BIL's get them for their birthdays/Christmas.

SilverPartyShoes · 23/07/2018 09:58

A realitive re gifts wine gifts, as they have a huge circle and aare given so much (wish I had this problem) however some of their stingy guests (they are very hospitable) give them out of date and old stuff (sparkly wine can go off apparently) so sometimes we receive dodgy stuff...think teenagers give small sparkly wine and chocs pas their sell by date. The funniest thing is when Ive gone to some lengths to get them a nice bottle of wine, and I get that back on a visit ....Grrrrrr :-D

PinstripeElephant · 23/07/2018 10:00

Oh Grin and MIL gifts me her unwanted gifts the following Christmas.

The difference with her is, she shows me the shit present, moans, I make sympathetic noises, then she gives it to me the tear after!

SilverPartyShoes · 23/07/2018 10:01

A very rich cousin and his family used to give my beloved Grandmother, cheap and nasty smellie stuff for Christmas each year, which I wish she had thrown out, let alone regifted to a charity. Luckily she just stuck it on a windowsill in her bathroom, so that her nephew could see it, if he made his rare yearly visit....she like Boots Royal Jelly, or Badedas, or M&S royal jelly, if they’d ever bothered to enquire...not some cheap nasty stuff from a pound shop

Ohyesiam · 23/07/2018 10:01

It’s recycling, we should all be doing it.

TatianaLarina · 23/07/2018 10:01

I gave her a smellies set for Christmas, 3 years later I received it back, I gave her perfume for Christmas and in June she gave it back to me for my birthday! I gave her fluffy socks for Christmas 2 years ago, went round my mums last Christmas and there they were she had given them to my mum

Regifting to someone else is fine. Regifting it to the person who gave it to you is beyond rude.

TatianaLarina · 23/07/2018 10:02

That’s not what most people fall regifting, it’s just obnoxious.

SilverPartyShoes · 23/07/2018 10:02

Oh Pinstripe elephant, give it back to her for her birthday...!!!

Becca19962014 · 23/07/2018 10:04

Years ago I cross stitched a map of the county a relative had lived in all their lives. I'd personalised it to them (towns/cities they'd lived in, places they loved, their name and dates stitched on the back) and it had all the main cities, rivers, various map markings like hills on. I'd previously done the same for another relative and they loved it and kept on and on at me to get one done for them. Took me two years and cost £50 in materials.

Took her two days to pass it on to another family member as she said it was "cheap and nasty looking" and had no place in her home and if they didn't want it it would go in the bin.

I found out when visiting other family member as a surprise one day and found it on the wall - they were really upset, they knew it was from me, personalised and how hard it had been for me to do and couldn't bear it to be binned but didn't want me to find out and be hurt so they kept taking it down whenever I visited!

I was told to never make her anything again - turned out everything purchased for her she gave away or put in the bin (she doesn't agree with charity shops) she used everyone to buy gifts for other people she knew so she didn't have to - I'd no idea but it explained why I was the only family member who bought things for her, I thought other people were being mean! When I stopped I got a lot of shit from her for being selfish and unfair, it sounds odd to say that I was willing to save and find the money/time to get something when I thought it was for her but knowing she was literally just asking for gifts for other people I could no longer face it.

Becca19962014 · 23/07/2018 10:06

I hate shopping hence not being able to face it! I always try and get thing people will use or like, some I cross stitch for.

cholka · 23/07/2018 10:11

When you give someone a gift, it's a token of your esteem and respect for that person. It should entail a sacrifice of your time or money, otherwise it's devalued.
By giving away something as soon as you get it, you're disrespecting the person who gave it to you. You're also disrespecting the person you give it to, as you're pretending to have sacrificed time and/or money but have not.
If I have unwanted gifts I keep them for a while and then give them to a charity shop, or I might pass them onto someone else but not pass it off as a genuine gift - more along the lines of 'someone gave me this but I don't want it, would you like it?'
I would think less of someone who gave me a present they'd got from someone else.

4GreenApples · 23/07/2018 10:17

Read my post, SHE ASKED FOR SMELLIES!!!

Did she ask you for a particular type or brand? Or just say “posh smellies”? Because if she’s not specified her tastes in smellies it would be easy to get it wrong and pick something she doesn’t like.

I mean, I’m pretty particular with smellies - I have my preferred shampoo, hand cream etc etc... so I have, in the past, said, when asked “I’d like some of this type of hand cream from this brand” and then been happy to receive exactly what I’d asked for.

But if I’d just said “oh, hand cream” without being specific, and then got a brand I didn’t like (what with people not being mind readers), then yeah, I probably wouldn’t use it and it would end up being regifted or donated somewhere.

Might it have been something like that with your sister?

Whitesea · 23/07/2018 10:20

The thing is with all these ‘beautiful’ gifts that people gift to others, beauty is in the eye of the holder.

I was shopping some time ago with a friend who was buying a gift for a colleague who was leaving the company. She was browsing wall pictures/prints. When I asked her what the colleague’s home was like, my friend replied that she didn’t know, she had never met the colleague in person, she lived in another country and they spoke every other day on the phone but never about personal things.

With the best intention in the world, how on earth could my friend select something for this colleague to hang on a wall in her home.

It can be a thoughtfully chosen gift but unless you are certain it is wanted, don’t buy personal gifts.

kernowsailor · 23/07/2018 10:24

@cholka - what is respectful about keeping it for a set amount of time if you know you are only going to give it away anyway? Not being goady, genuinely interested in the logic here.

Whitesea · 23/07/2018 10:42

My SIL works with kids and regifts what they give her. Lots of Primark/very cheap unlabelled perfume. She also gifts handmade pictures where she puts pieces of straw in the shape of your initials in Ikea frames. Opening the gifts in front of her was embarrassing because I refused to fawn over them and would say thank you/that is interesting and leave it aside. The woman earns over £100K pa and is a tremendous cheapskate. Such an odd mentality but giving for the sake of giving is a terrible waste of time.