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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is 30hrs childcare a bad thing

78 replies

Nicpem1982 · 22/07/2018 19:32

We've had some changes in our childcare needs due to unexpected circumstances with ils.

Me and dh have decided to relieve some of the burden that we will utilise the 30 hrs free childcare that we are entitled to

Mil has gone berserk and has told us that we are 'robbing dd of her childhood' and 'bullying her into growing up'

Dd is 4 in September and marginally missed the cut off to start reception this year so in effect had and extra year in nursery. She understands that from Sept after lunch club she will be in an afternoon group with one of her fave teachers.

After mils outburst I text my sil (my side) for a bit of reassurance and moral support and it turns out she also things I'm a disgrace and it's immoral for dd to be doing full time

So iabu to wonder is 30 hrs a bad thing

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 22/07/2018 20:34

Sunshine no alternative has been offered. Sil is a sahm but lives too far to help out regularly.

OP posts:
MrsJBaptiste · 22/07/2018 20:35

Yes, if MIL is unable to hel0 out with childcare anymore (which is fine) then what exactly is she sugesesting you do with your child? (Her attitude is not fine!)

JynxaSmoochum · 22/07/2018 20:36

Mine went to a private nursery as I worked various combinations of PT/ FT/ ML/ SAHM through their years prior to starting school. I kept them in reduced hours through school holidays for their routine and socialising and some previous time to myself.

Nursery provided a different range of opportunities and experiences to the ones they got at home.

They were particularly fantastic with my DC with a speech delay. Their experience supported me with my concerns that development was too slow and getting support and his key worker was brilliant at building his exercises into play targeted at his interests, something I would have really struggled with.

Pre-school education is subsidised by the state and accessible to all to some extent because most children benefit from it compared to being solely in the care of their parents.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 22/07/2018 20:37

Mil doesn't want to admit her and dfils health has deteriorated

OP posts:
Sunshinegirl82 · 22/07/2018 20:43

My DS has been at nursery 3 full days (30 hours) since he was 13 months old as I needed to work so I could selfishly do things like, you know, pay the mortgage.

He's bright as a button and bloody loves nursery, there's no way I could stimulate him enough if I was at home full time (that's not to say others couldn't but I think it would be beyond me).

Your plan sounds great, your DD will love it by the sounds of things so I wouldn't give it any further thought. As MIL and SIL aren't coming up with any other options (and aren't your DD's parents!!) they can be safely ignored!

Yika · 22/07/2018 20:43

Maybe the real issue is that MIL is afraid that her deteriorating health will mean SHE misses out on your DD's childhood.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 22/07/2018 20:46

Yika- we thought this so said there's a full afternoon each week plus if they want dd to stay for dinner 1/2 nights a week that's fine also school hols as I'm not off for all of them

OP posts:
PandaPieForTea · 22/07/2018 20:56

Sometimes I wonder if people think nurseries are some sort of gulag where children are kept as slaves or sent down the mines.

My DD came home so filthy from nursery one day last week that she looked like she’d been down a mine 😁. That’s the kind of thing she gets from nursery that I wouldn’t be doing if she was at home with me.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 22/07/2018 20:59

Sometimes I wonder if people think nurseries are some sort of gulag where children are kept as slaves or sent down the mines.

Hmm come to think about it when I used to pick my DC up from nursery their clothes were pretty filthy... 🤔

😁

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 22/07/2018 20:59

My dd is permanently filthy

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 22/07/2018 21:01

Ha cross posted with Panda - they tell us they’re painting pictures of butterflies but really they’re on a production line churning out art print reproductions 😁

EmeraldVillage · 22/07/2018 21:03

For your MiL I really doubt it is actually about the evils of nursery. I’m sure it is much more about this highlighting her health problems where she’d rather not admit the severity.

Honestly 30 hours pw is nothing to worry about

Kate223344 · 22/07/2018 21:09

All the children we know who go to nursery love it. From age 2 in particular they form friendships and miss/talk about each other when they aren't there. They also do fun things that I wouldn't necessarily think of. Plus you will still be with her weekends and more. So just ignore the negative comments!

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 22/07/2018 21:12

Thank you for your support everyone. I feel a little better I've had a battering on here with some threads search 'shellfish in toddlers lunchbox' if you want a laugh but I'm very grateful x

OP posts:
insertimaginativeusername · 22/07/2018 21:17

OP of course there's nothing wrong with nursery, their reaction to early education sounds very extreme!

Audrey what do you mean by children do get pushed into nursery too early ??

Littlemissdaredevil · 22/07/2018 21:19

I went to nursery back in the early 80’s (I think it was free back then). I loved it. It was much more fun than staying a home with my baby brother

Racecardriver · 22/07/2018 21:20

Honestly, I wouldn't put a young child into nursery if I could avoid it. They expect far too much of them too soon. But she 4, that really is old enough to have developed the skills to do the kind of self care that jrderu requires and to understand thay you arent being left there for ever. If anything I think that at her age it will be good for her by letting her have a life outside of her family. It will also be a good opportunity to get ready for school.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 22/07/2018 21:27

Race we get near the school and she loses my hand shouts BYE MUM! and skips in. She asks each morning who is picking her up and what plans are, she is fully toilet trained, can dress and undress herself and loves to play with her friends. Im not concerned in that way

The nursery itself is big on teaching workable skills and theres an allotment, fire pit, forest school and outside play in all weather's. They learn to cook, go shopping in the local Asda and chose ingredients, look at change and then cook, they do simple computer coding and basic science experiments. We love it it's the perfect setting for our dd

OP posts:
insertimaginativeusername · 22/07/2018 21:30

Expect too much? Yes, the painting and messy play my children have done at nursery; helping them feed themselves, socialise and potty train....all wildly different to the expectations I have at home 🙄

Viserion · 22/07/2018 21:30

Haha, you're the prawn and tomato kebab person?! That thread was legendary for some of the bonkers posts about child neglect if prawns hadn't been introduced by age 3!

Both my DS were full time in nursery from 4/8 months respectively. They are fine, much loved, well rounded individuals. With a mother who has a career.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 22/07/2018 21:37

Vesiron- yes

OP posts:
pointythings · 22/07/2018 21:38

Expectations? Confused I recall when mine started in the baby room that the expectation was that they would, well, gurgle, sleep, eat, cry and fill nappies...

Later on things were offered - early reading if they were interested, but it was never forced. Mind you, this was before the EYFC.

BellyDancer124 · 22/07/2018 21:38

mamansnet
Sorry if I read your post wrong, are you a SAHM to one DC, and he is in childcare for 50 hours a week? And you’re going to uni full time in sept, so presumably 3 days a week (unless you’re going to do nursing etc then fair enough maybe 5 days) but 50 hours????Shock

BottleOfJameson · 22/07/2018 21:42

Bloody hell if your DD is going to be 4 she'll be a few days older than kids going to school full time. (I actually think a year of extra play based education is brilliant). I would say that 15 hours in nursery probably is less than ideal for most 4 year olds in that position anyway - most would probably love to stay for lunch and have more time playing with their friends even if their parents didn't have to work. 8am-6pm can be a bit too much every day for some kids but 30 hours a week is perfect. Lots of socialising time and lots of family time too!

ChanandlerBongsNeighbour · 22/07/2018 21:42

I'm a school nursery teacher and at my last post (where I was for 11 years) my class were full time. They started with me the September following their third birthday and 8.40am until 3.15pm from the start. This is the norm for me as was all I ever knew as a teacher. In my new post the class is only mornings and I feel it is such a missed opportunity for the children as I know they could thrive with a full day and day struggle to fit in all the experiences I want to give them in just three hours a day!

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