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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is 30hrs childcare a bad thing

78 replies

Nicpem1982 · 22/07/2018 19:32

We've had some changes in our childcare needs due to unexpected circumstances with ils.

Me and dh have decided to relieve some of the burden that we will utilise the 30 hrs free childcare that we are entitled to

Mil has gone berserk and has told us that we are 'robbing dd of her childhood' and 'bullying her into growing up'

Dd is 4 in September and marginally missed the cut off to start reception this year so in effect had and extra year in nursery. She understands that from Sept after lunch club she will be in an afternoon group with one of her fave teachers.

After mils outburst I text my sil (my side) for a bit of reassurance and moral support and it turns out she also things I'm a disgrace and it's immoral for dd to be doing full time

So iabu to wonder is 30 hrs a bad thing

OP posts:

ForalltheSaints · 22/07/2018 20:08

The only thing I think is wrong with the 30 hours free childcare is my understanding that the providers are not well or fully funded.

lapenguin · 22/07/2018 20:08

Its actually very good for them, it gets them used to being around other people, form bonds with them and to play with children their own age. You find they learn so much quicker around other children at varying levels of skills.
Maybe see if there is a childminder near you that will take the 3 year funding? Less kids but all the benefits are still there.

Celebelly · 22/07/2018 20:09

Sometimes I wonder if people think nurseries are some sort of gulag where children are kept as slaves or sent down the mines.

God, I loved nursery as a kid. I used to hide when my mum came to pick me up cos I didn't want to leave my pals! And as an only child, it was invaluable for learning social skills and making friends, as well as getting to take part in loads of activities that it's just not feasible to do at home every day.

PattiStanger · 22/07/2018 20:11

They are totally out of touch with reality, don't listen to anything they say. I'm amazed daily by the bizarre things posters relatives come out with.

Original poster

Nicpem1982 · 22/07/2018 20:11

For all- our nursery is well funded and is in surplus (I'm a governor) as they generate income through a well used community building.

My dd has been in the setting for 18 months and loves it she can't wait

OP posts:

divadee · 22/07/2018 20:15

My 18 month old is in childcare 40 hours a week and has been since 8 months old as I need to provide a roof over her head and food in her belly. She is absolutely thriving there. I have a 21 year old who didn't go to childcare till preschool at 3 and I can already see big differences with confidence and what she is learning from her peers. They also do way more messy activities than I would be comfortable doing in my house!

Ignore the stupid MIL and SIL. They 're being numpties.

Original poster

Nicpem1982 · 22/07/2018 20:16

I know they are in reality but between them they have made me feel like a crap parent

OP posts:

pointythings · 22/07/2018 20:17

My DDs were in nursery full time from 6 months old - p/t working wasn't a possibility back then, nor did you get as much mat leave as people do now.

What matters is that you're 100% there for them when you're with them. And honestly, at age 4 you are not going to cause any attachment issues. Mine knew exactly who their parents were and they have turned into two fabulous young women. Your MIL and SIL are talking rubbish.

Sunshinegirl82 · 22/07/2018 20:18

OP they're bonkers! Just crack on.

What does your DH say? And why is he not under the cosh on this? Why is it all on you?

Original poster

Nicpem1982 · 22/07/2018 20:19

Pointy--we both finish work at 4 and regularly have picnics, game nights, park trips and movie nights we eat together most nights.

On the weekends we always have family time, days out or just relax together

OP posts:

Original poster

Nicpem1982 · 22/07/2018 20:20

Sunshine it's a joint decision dh fully agrees he was cooking dinner when the conversation took place

OP posts:

mindutopia · 22/07/2018 20:20

Lol no, unless your nursery workers are smoking crack.

Mine was in nursery full time from 2 (part time from 9 months). Incidentally, she coped so much better when she started school than friends who hadn’t been in nursery. My mum went back to work when I was 3 months old. You do what you need to do. Kids are pretty adaptable.

glintandglide · 22/07/2018 20:21

Well no, it’s a good thing. Helps children who aren’t prepared to school because they grow up in families like your MILs and become disadvantaged as a result.

pointythings · 22/07/2018 20:22

Of course you do. . You sound like a fabulous mum. So try to silence the guilt and self doubt (not easy I know!) and just do what is needed.

Sunshinegirl82 · 22/07/2018 20:22

I'd get him to have a word then and tell them to mind their own business. Your DD will be completely fine and you sound like a great mum.

Fwend · 22/07/2018 20:23

Ignore them.

I had the same from my MIL and SIL, one memorable quote was "I don't know why you bothered having children as you're farming them out to be brought up". That was from them going to nursery 3 days a week when I went back to work.

SIL had a baby within 3 months of mine, and was lauded as doing things properly as a SAHM compared to me, the workaholic. I was so sick of hearing the comparison.

No judgment from me about going back to work/staying at home, it's each to their own. Except SIL is a particularly poor SAHM who hits her kids, doesn't leave the house, smokes weed daily and literally plonks them in front of Jeremy Kyle. Now that I judge.

MIL and FIL recently commented that they think mine and DH's "modern" way of parenting is wonderful, and they wish they'd done things the way we have. They've got short memories!

Original poster

Nicpem1982 · 22/07/2018 20:23

Pointy - I'm drowning it out with prosecco at the min (mils incidentally )

OP posts:

FuckMePinkAndCallMeCedric · 22/07/2018 20:23

Absolutely YANBU seriously where do people get off telling you you’re a disgrace, going berserk at you, telling you what to do?! This is your child you are doing your best!

PurplePotatoes · 22/07/2018 20:28

They're being ridiculous. Do what YOU think is right for DD.

BTW depending on the nursery you don't have to send them 5 days a week if you don't want to. I sent DD 3 x 10hrs (due to work) but I know our nursery are changing things now so people can do 22hrs a week but over 51 weeks of the year not just term time only.

doleritedinosaur · 22/07/2018 20:28

Ignore them.

You do what’s best for you & your family.

My DS has been at Nursery since he was 2 for 2 days day a week.
I’m a sahm & it gave me valuable 1:1 time with my second & he gained so many social skills that even though we do a lot, he’s come on a lot at Nursery. Also his best friend’s are there as well & they run the staff ragged.

He’s starting a preschool in September at 3 days ready for school next year. I’ve seen with various different children the ones who struggled with school hours because they weren’t at Nursery.

Let go of the guilt & the in laws as well if you can!

thelonggame · 22/07/2018 20:29

my youngest DD is an August baby, she was 4 years and 2 weeks when she started reception class full time, she thrived.
30 hours a week at aged 4 is perfectly reasonable, she'll get plenty of time with grandparents during the long school holiday.

Bluetrews25 · 22/07/2018 20:29

Carry on, OP.
IMHO, they learn so much more at nursery than they would with one adult at home who is busy doing housework or watching TV with them. I bet granny doesn't get out the sandpit, water play, do baking, practice writing, painting, playdoh, playhouse, storytime, go off on naturetrail, get visited by a fire engine etc etc a fraction as often as they do at nursery. DC will be getting a head start with reading and writing skills, not to mention listening and socialisation. All crucial stuff. You are giving a great start. That is not being a bad parent!
Is SIL a SAHM? Doing things differently from her may be taken as a criticism if she's not feeling confident.

BeanCalledPickle · 22/07/2018 20:30

I feel like I am currently the world authority on 30 hours having spent the last year working on it for the dfe. The evidence strongly suggests that the more nursery the better. The greatest benefit is from the first fifteen hours but there are still significant benefits from the next fifteen. There is little to be gained from full time over three days though and outcomes start to become negative after about 40 hours. But bottom line is this policy of 30 hours isn’t offered to everyone and there have been legal challenges on this basis from people who believe their children are being disadvantaged. Which they are really as the evidence really does show a massive benefit from extended nursery, in a good setting.

Original poster

Nicpem1982 · 22/07/2018 20:31

Nursery is term time only and I'm fortunate enough to have a tonne of annual leave to use for school hols. Also with being a governor events at dds school fall under public service leave at work so I can attend them all with out using annual leave, fortunate I know

OP posts:

Sunshinegirl82 · 22/07/2018 20:31

Out of interest what is MIL and SIL's alternative? If the childcare has to change it has to change.

To be honest OP I think your DD spending less time with MIL sounds like it might be a good thing, she sounds a bit unhinged.

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