AIBU to be pissed off with my husband

[HopeSpringsEternal2017]

Due to health issues he has been medically retired. I work 45 hrs a week in a stressful job. We have a 13yr old with ADHD and ASD who only attends school for 3 hours a day and has lots of health issues.

I have quite bad depression at the moment so I'm genuinely unsure if I'm being unreasonable here.

I am out the house from 6.30 till 5/6/7 pm every day depending what time I can leave and if I've had to take time off for any of hospital appointments with the child. DH is home all day unless he goes golf. We have a cleaner 2 hours a week to do the majority of the cleaning. DH appears to sit watching tv all day until about 20 minutes before I come home, at which point he starts prepping dinner/ feeding the rabbits/tidying up. The dog has not been walked so I end up going straight back out to walk him, I do the clean out of the rabbits every weekend, I do all the hospital appointments which can be up to 4 a week and ironing as well as paying bills and ordering anything online, managing the calender. When I come home from work after walking the dog and doing any paperwork as well as ferrying the child to any after school activites. I gladly sit on my fat ass and gladly do sweet fa!

I can ignore the moans that he cooks dinner everyday. I can ignore the jibes that he feeds the pets. But what is starting to fuck me off is he won't listen when I ask him not to do something. If it's something he has to do like go and buy a bulb from a shop that is only open when I am at work it can wait indefinitely (sitting on the dinning room table for 4 months and counting so far) but if I ask him to leave something alone he wont - DLA paperwork I had spent hours on but was waiting for a supporting statement went in the bin. Clothes waiting for SIL and a friend to pick what they wanted before charity shopping the rest went in the bin after 3 days. He also changes plans at the last minute without telling me or double booking us because he forgot we had plans even though they are on the callender.

He also starts doing things around me as soon as I start doing something - tidying the kitchen he will come and make food. Have a shower he will need a poo. I just started to clean out the rabbits and despite me choosing to do it when he was occupied in another task he immediately stops what he's doing to do a job that means he is in my way!

He is kind and caring and will do anything I ask of him. Always puts others before himself and has 100's of redeaming quality that I won't put down because it will spoil my vent! AIBU I find him so bloody frustrating at the moment?

Ps he's health conditions do not impede he's ability in any way

No advice, but my dh also refuses to leave things alone that i want to do myself, and therefore fucks them up/throws away stuff i want. Wish i had the answer! His argument is i don't get to tell him what not to touch in his own home. But neither will he learn how to do things properly.

Does his medical condition have symptoms of being a self absorbed, selfish arse?

I think we are only getting one side of the story here. If he is medically retired there must be a serious reason surely

He sounds like really hard work! Do you think he does this stuff because he's genuinely unaware he's annoying? Or is it a passive aggressive behaviour?

Perhaps he wants to do house work near you to try to show he's doing stuff too? Either way I think you need a conversion about who does what and expectations in the home. It's not an excuse but I do wonder if people who don't do the emotional labour and certain tasks actually know how much work it is.

Thank you mumsnet for cheering me up! I did say that I have left out a lot of good points as I wanted to vent.

When we first met he worked full time while I did not. He helped encourage me and built up my self confidence, he has supported me fully in everything and in terms of money has put in far more than I ever have without a word of grumble and only support. I had a breakdown a year ago and for a few weeks he would feed me, clean me and sat with me talking or reading to me, when I recovered he never once mentioned everything he had had to do in that time only supported me in getting better.

He would happily do all the appointments and we tried when he first retired but he doesn't understand what's being said, doesn't ask questions or forgets minor details that seem like nothing but are actually very important. So for my own peace of mind I took on the appointments again. Same with the rabbits I'm the only one that can fit in the hutch to clean it properly which is why it's my job.

I don't want to say why he has been retired because it's outing but it's not epilepsy and I'm very aware of what he can and can't do and would never compromise him BUT walking the dog is something he can do, he used to do it in the mornings and then the dog would have a second walk in the evening with either both of us or just me but that seems to have stopped and that pisses me off on the dogs behalf as it's cruel in my opinion.

If I left a list he would do everything on it but I already have to think about everything for the child, everything for work, most things in the house and I don't want to have to think for him as well or belittle him by leaving him a list of chores however a conversation will be taking place as I'm starting to lose all patience.

We have gone from me doing everything to 50/50 When we both worked, in fact he used to be more domesticated than me, to him doing almost everything but it's now become very heavily down to me.

I think he has taken a nock no longer being the main earner and having to watch me flourish, I know he doesn't begrudge it but I think he needs more in his life to be fulfilled it's just a case of encouraging him to find that.