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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be terrified about the pain of contractions/delivery...please help me to feel better!

52 replies

Saminsachs · 22/07/2018 12:54

I'm due to give birth in about three weeks time and I am terrified. I last gave birth almost nine years ago and the pain was something that I was absolutely not prepared for and I never thought a pain like that could exist!

Everyone says that the main thing is to keep calm and breathe...but I just can't relax - every time I even think about I start to hyperventilate and get emotional.

Can anybody offer any advice, or some magic words of wisdom, to help me to feel better?

Thank you so much!

OP posts:

lindyhopy · 22/07/2018 13:03

have you looked into Hypnobirthing? I have done an online pack and it's helping me keep calm

WooYa · 22/07/2018 13:06

I second hypnobirthing (and an epidural )

AdventuresRUs · 22/07/2018 13:09

Epidural planned and all over your notes. Magic...

IJustLostTheGame · 22/07/2018 13:10

Get a thick Sharpie and write all over your notes EPIDURAL EPIDURAL EPIDURAL EPIDURAL EPIDURAL EPIDURAL EPIDURAL EPIDURAL EPIDURAL EPIDURAL EPIDURAL EPIDURAL EPIDURAL EPIDURAL EPIDURAL EPIDURAL

and study hypnobirthing, it really did help me.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 22/07/2018 13:12

Epidural- haven’t had one but I like you was shocked by the pain of natural birth and would never ever ever go through that again!

Shmithecat · 22/07/2018 13:14

Diamorphine and/or epidural. Nothing wrong with either of those!

usernamefromhell · 22/07/2018 13:19

I was like you: utterly phobic of giving birth to the point where I obsessed about it.

I'm probably going to get flamed for this on here but my advice to you would be to make sure you get all the pain relief you possibly can and be hard line about getting it when you think you need it, not when its deemed to be the right time by the midwives/nurses.

I tried hypnobirthing and it made no difference whatsoever to the pain for me. Maybe I had the wrong mindset etc, but I'm very sceptical of so-called "natural" forms of pain relief. Labour is painful. So many women go into labour with ideas that they can hold pain off through positive thinking etc and have a very rude awakening. If you need pain relief, ask for pain relief and don't be fobbed off by anyone.

My labour was fairly long and not especially straightforward but with the help of first gas and air and then an epidural it was tolerable.

Also final piece of advice: don't expect anyone to pay the slightest bit of attention to your birthing plan -- they are usually disregarded once labour begins. You have to be forthright and vocal about what you want. If you have a birthing partner ask them to be vocal on your behalf.

Duskqueen · 22/07/2018 13:21

I don't know about your last labour but with my first I had worked myself up about as you have and I found that it wasn't as bad as I had built up in my head.
Did you have any pain relief? I found gas and Air worked really well and slept through most of my first labour (I didn't have time with my second). Also if possible try for a water birth. With my second I was induced and had a pessary which caused like Braxton hicks and the warm water really helped, they subsided and I slept over night( my labour didn't actually start until they broke my waters with my second and it lasted an hour and a half.)

ToadsforJustice · 22/07/2018 13:22

Epidural. Demand one as soon as you get to hospital. Show that you will not be dissuaded. Don't let them think you'd be happy to wait and see. Don't be fobbed off by the MW and their "natural" birth shenanigans. Shout loud and keep up the pressure.

Original poster

Saminsachs · 22/07/2018 13:24

Thank you for your replies!

With my first birth, I only had gas and air...I asked for an epidural, but the anesthetist wasn't available.

I actually don't want to have an epidural, mainly because I don't want to stay in hospital any longer than I have to - I really want to be in and out!

So gas and air will be the only option available to me really...I just don't know how to stay calm and not panic and be terrified that I'm going to die or something!

OP posts:

PinguForPresident · 22/07/2018 13:26

Could you possibly afford a hypnobirthing course? It's a bit late in the day, but if you got a private course for just you and your partner with a decent teacher, it could make all the difference.

Other than that, TENS can be useful particularly for the early part of labour, and water is an amazing form of pain relief. Ask to use the pool in your birthing unit. You don't hve to deliver in water if you don't want to, just get in and float about for a bit. It's the next best thing to an epidural for pain relief.

And there's always epidurals: they do knock out your mobility but they are amazing for pain relief. They don't take away pressure or some stretching pain, though. So the 2nd Stage can still be quite uncomfortable.

Wolfiefan · 22/07/2018 13:27

I found TENS really useful. Pushing the boost button when I had a contraction gave me something to do. Later in labour I switched to a water birth. Really helped again. And breathing exercises.
Every single contraction is you getting closer to the end and meeting your new baby.

hibeat · 22/07/2018 13:28

Epidural. The best is if you can have a pump, en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Patient-controlled_analgesia.
Prepare each step, it's your experience, there will be pain but it can be controlled, focus on everything else that you can handle.

for exemple having a watch and counting the minutes between contractions, have a space prepared where you will rest or move around quiet or with music until you go to the hospital, if you can have a doula, that would be great, every birth is different, the first one could be very painful, and the second one very fast and calm, you can watch women giving birth peacefully, without episiotomy, it helps too. Do your breathing exercise every day and envision how you wish things will roll. Anticipate the joy of having your baby skin against skin. Lastly it is totally normal to have fear, it's not about making it disappear but taming it. You did it once and you did not know what it was. Is there something else that stresses you out ? Deal with it. Fears tend to fuse together. There is no such thing as perfect circumstances. Gosh you are so lucky to have another one. It can be anyday now.

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 22/07/2018 13:31

Second labours are usually much easier than the first... your body has already experienced it once, so is already geared up for it.

Not always, but generally.

I did this, worked myself up after having a long painful Labour with my first (58 hours with over an hour of active pushing), second one was so much quicker... still s fsutly long labour, but the pushing stage was so quick and easy I was a bit taken aback (so were the staff, there was no one in the room when the head was out... 😂).

Don’t panic, you’ve done it once... you’ll be fine.

oakleaffy · 22/07/2018 13:33

Don't worry...I was concerned about ''pain'' but it is a pain not unlike period pains, it comes and goes in surges...like waves.
I wanted to avoid all painkillers, to give birth ''naturally'' but in the end I had pethidine which I regret, as it masked the ''awareness'' of the process and made DS very drowsy too.
Avoid Oxytocin [by drip] if possible, it was only the oxytocin that made the contractions so powerful..they were quite bearable til then.
But I think ''oxytocin'' was popular back then to ''hurry things along''?

Audree · 22/07/2018 13:37

HTH

m.youtube.com/watch?v=S9LO1Vb54yk

NicoAndTheNiners · 22/07/2018 13:37

You do know epidurals wear off quite quickly and most women are walking within an hour of them being switched off, or are able to walk from that point of view anyway. So don’t think it would hold a discharge up my much.

PorkFlute · 22/07/2018 13:45

Tens machine until you can have an epidural. Really nothing comes close to the pain relief of an epidural - I slept through the contractions and had to be woken up when it was time to push! Was also out the same day so no need to stay in. I’ve given birth without an epidural as well and it’s not something I’d repeat.

Stopandlook · 22/07/2018 13:45

Time the gas and air right. Inhale during the breaks and stop just before a contraction. Count / get your partner to count down from 20 to zero during the contraction - then you know the pain will end by zero.
This really worked for me.

mindutopia · 22/07/2018 13:51

Hypnotherapy.

I’ve had two natural births, both at home, and it was totally fine and manageable. I didn’t even need gas and air with my first (though used it for pushing with my second as it was much faster and more intense). Midwives honestly didn’t actually think I was really in labour with my first because I was so calm. They checked and I was 10cm. I truly believe it was the natal hypnotherapy that did it. Labour really is 80% mental and if you can get on top of how you feel about it now, it will make things so much easier.

PinguForPresident · 22/07/2018 13:54

Women get sensation and movement back at different rates. The thing with epidural is that it knocks out bladder sensation, and women often/usually require a catheter in situ for labour with an epidural. Once that's removed they then need to trial without catheter (TWOC) to see if they have bladder sensation/function back. In my unit (I'm a midwife in an obstetric unit) that involves voiding 250ml+ of urine 3 times. that can take time, and some women don't get the urge to urinate back, or retain urine, which is dangerous.

A same-day discharge is unlikely if a woman has had an epidural. If she births early in the day, ifthe unit is not busy, if she gets sensation back and TWOCs without issue, if there's a Dr available to ok discharge, then same day d/c might be feasible, but it's unlikely

Oxfordblue · 22/07/2018 13:58

Challenge your thinking of the pain. I went to a couple of NCT classes & a couple of points were invaluable.

the pain is a means to an end - embrace it, visualise each contraction opening your cervix & go with it rather than bracing against it.
labour standing up, leaning over the side of the bed - they'll put a crash mat under you too DC2 came very gently into the world, carefully guided by the midwife as I leaned on the bed (poor woman!)
if you can't stand up, lay on your side. I had an epidural with DC1 who ended up getting distressed & was a ventouse birth. Wish I'd had the above info for her birth as DC2 birth was intense, fast & just as it should be (imo!)

NicoAndTheNiners · 22/07/2018 14:06

pingu. Guess it depends on your unit. I work as a midwife on a labour ward in an obstetric unit and we don’t catheterise in labour, never heard of it. So no TWOCs. People have to be able to PU 150mls once and can then go. 4hour discharge after an epidural isn’t uncommon.

NicoAndTheNiners · 22/07/2018 14:06

And we don’t have to get a doctors permission to okay discharge either.

CrackerCrisp · 22/07/2018 14:11

It’s all very well saying demand an epidural but if the anaesthetist is busy or, as in my case, the non midwife led side was full then you can’t have one. I had gas and air and diamorphine (which just made me fall asleep in between contractions).

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