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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be terrified about the pain of contractions/delivery...please help me to feel better!

52 replies

Saminsachs · 22/07/2018 12:54

I'm due to give birth in about three weeks time and I am terrified. I last gave birth almost nine years ago and the pain was something that I was absolutely not prepared for and I never thought a pain like that could exist!

Everyone says that the main thing is to keep calm and breathe...but I just can't relax - every time I even think about I start to hyperventilate and get emotional.

Can anybody offer any advice, or some magic words of wisdom, to help me to feel better?

Thank you so much!

OP posts:
ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 22/07/2018 14:16

No one has mentioned the birthing pool, which was great for the pain for me, all three times. I didn't realize just how much it was helping till I tried to get out and walk around to " move things along" with ds, and the second I got out the pain was just so much worse! I got straight back in! I always got out to actually deliver, but along with gas and air it was great for me for pain

LartenCrepsley · 22/07/2018 14:45

One of the best things I read about labour pain is that it hurts like a bastard, but it’s a productive pain. It doesn’t hurt in the same way that stubbing your toe or twisting your ankle does. Labour pain is purposeful and you know it’ll end (hard to remember that at the time, though!), it’s not your body using pain to alert you to a problem.

Don’t be afraid of having any pain relief you want/need. If you don’t want an epidural, and I completely understand your reasons and I felt the same way, would a water birth be an option for you? I had both my DC in a birthing pool and I think it probably helped (though I don’t have any basis for comparison!). Even if you can just labour in the pool it might help. If nothing else, warm water will help relax your muscles in between contractions.

Good luck, OP.

unicornfarts · 22/07/2018 14:51

I freaked out with my first birth as I was totally unprepared for the sensations. Am due to give birth to no4 at some time in the next week and starting to get nervous again. All 3 previous births were with paracetamol and Entonox. My top tips: the key thing is not to panic. There was a noticeable difference between contractions where I 'gave in' to the panic and the ones where I distracted myself by focussing on the breathing. I used the birthing pool for no2 which made things 100% easier! Started off in the pool for no3, but she was a bit misaligned, so couldn't stay in it - :-(

So, 1. Don't let yourself panic - each contraction is one less, however trite that sounds. 2. Pool if you can get it. 3. Just when you think you really can't do any more, the baby usually pops out.

areyouactuallykidding · 22/07/2018 15:01

Try natal hypnotherapy to calm you down and help you learn how to breathe. Panic tightens everything and makes pain ten times worse.

I did my first on gas and air and tens and hypnotherapy and found it manageable.

If you’re really terrified though then get an epidural or ask for a c-section!

NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 22/07/2018 16:29

I have an extended family member who is now disabled because of an epidural gone wrong... that sticks with me 😬

I’m going to try hypnobirthing this time round, I’m quite good st ‘getting in the zone’ so hopefully it’ll work for me.

KitchenFloor · 22/07/2018 16:34

Hypnobirthing was fantastic. I only needed the breathing techniques but you do need to practise

Oneinthegrave · 22/07/2018 16:39

Contractions are bad but I imagined them getting 10xs worse because I expected to want to die. They were bad but not as bad as I thought they was going to. Expect the worst and anything else will surprise you. If they ask if you want pethidine you do and gas and air is life.

Can’t advise about epidural because I haven’t had one. Good luck, you’ll be fine

WineAndTiramisu · 22/07/2018 17:32

Epidural all the way...

Bambamber · 22/07/2018 17:37

When I was in labour I listened to an audio book. May sound silly but it gave me something to focus on other than the pain.

madcatladyforever · 22/07/2018 17:39

I knew I couldn't cope with labour and delivery (I was only 21 and very very afraid) so I insisted on an epidural. It was the best thing I ever did and I have no regrets at all.

Wearywithteens · 22/07/2018 18:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

FlaviaAlbia · 22/07/2018 18:59

Have you asked if there's anything between G&A an an epidural available?

There was about 3 types of painkilling injection available when I had my DC. One could be used in the midwife led suite provided you got out of a birthing pool. The others had to be used under monitoring in the labour ward.

youknowwherethecityis · 22/07/2018 19:08

Pethidine!!! It's fucking brilliant stuff.

I had that and then gas/air and it really didn't hurt anywhere near as much as I thought it would.

Cric · 22/07/2018 19:09

I had an epidural with my second but not my first (first birth was much less painful!) with both I was out within the same amount of time (quick).

Cric · 22/07/2018 19:09

Tens machine was great for labour number 1!

Cric · 22/07/2018 19:10

Oh and also.... you've got this! You will be fabulous, whatever you decide x

areyouactuallykidding · 22/07/2018 21:16

Pethidine has its down sides too - it can cause breathing problems in newborns

sexnotgender · 22/07/2018 21:23

I hated pethidine, made me feel so sick.

youknowwherethecityis · 22/07/2018 21:35

It can't be given too close to delivery but as long as its in the earlier stages of contractions it's fine. Of course there's always an occasion when they tell you you're 3 hours away from giving birth and it turns out to be 30 mins. But in these situations there's an antidote that can be given to the baby as soon as it's born if it does have any pethidine in its system.

@sexnotgender it's notorious for causing sickness, so now the injections also include an anti-emetic to combat that.

Snowysky20009 · 22/07/2018 21:39

Breath and take long slow breaths on the gas and air. It's too easy to take short quick ones, but make sure they are long slow. Sounds so easy but it really isn't. Only had gas and air on both of mine, and with the first I was taking quick initially and saying it wasn't working. The difference when I did it properly was amazing. Good Luck!!

SleepingInYourFlowerbed · 22/07/2018 21:48

Remember that the pain comes in waves. It will peak and then subside. Focusing on that really helped.

I had an epidural with my second - I was out 12 hours after baby and the only reason it was 12 hours was for checks on the baby as he had meconium in the waters. I would have been fine to leave earlier

Mybabystolemysanity · 22/07/2018 21:55

Have you asked if Remifentanil is available in your hospital? I was approved for it first labour but ended up with gas and air and diamorphine, which was wonderful. Same in second labour.

The thing that helped most this time (had DS three weeks ago) was fantastic coaching through my labour from a student midwife who was the epitome of calm. She helped me not to panic and I felt really in control as a result.

Ssssurvey · 22/07/2018 22:17

I haven't had an epidural but friends always recommend. Like you I have had a big gap between 1st and 2nd but was more willing 2nd time round to have the epidural, although still wary. With 2nd I brought a TENS machine but was hoping to use the birthpool as my 1st option. Due to stress on the baby I was put on the contraction drip so couldn't use birth pool and my MW said TENS machine probably wouldn't help. When the anaesthetist popped his head in to see if I needed an epidural, it was early on so I said I would see how I got on - MW present. An hour later when needed it I had missed my opportunity and the only option was diamorphine which I found made me a bit delirious, didn't help with pain but stopped me from expressing what I felt I needed.
My advice is yes don't panic, you are more than likely to find it easier but be flexible about an epidural as you can miss your chance and I frankly detest diamorphine. I had pethidine twice during my first long labour (two semi-doses) and it did help. I gave birth squatting and was mobile, but pethidine was not available 2nd time round and due to being induced I was given the full dose of diamorphine and then told that due to this I had to remain on the bed. In hindsight I wish I opted for the epidural.

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 22/07/2018 22:18

Re pethidine: one of my friends told me she wished she had known how close she was to delivery before she agreed to pethidine, it meant she was pretty out of it and her baby Ali so needed antidote.

I told my midwife I thought I was getting close to giving birth. She told me categorically that I wasnt. When I said I couldn't handle this for much longer I was offered pethidine. I remembered what my friend said , and demanded a number between 1 and 10. She refused, saying I had ages to go. I demanded.

When she checked I was 9 and 3/4 nd she started panicking and trying to move me. I was just glad I'd listened to my own body, hadn't just taken the pethidine. Dd2 was in my arms 10 mins later

Ssssurvey · 22/07/2018 22:49

The contractions really do inform you of where you are at, more than the measurements and timings. In my first labour I went to 5cm very quickly and kept being reassured, 'baby will be born by ....', it was a long labour and I wish I hadn't had these unrealistic premonitions as the longer it went on I became worried. In hindsight, my contractions were speeding up and then slowing down for a bit (baby was never in distress) and it would have been better for everyone to just tell me to go with the flow.