Not wanting kids dad to see them?

[Butterflykissess]

I dont want my kids dad seeing our children again. So many issues far too many to go into. But wibu to stop him? He hasnt seen them in 6 months and has only seen his baby daughter 3 times (now a year old.) He show up unnannounced a few days ago. I want NC and he would never take me to court.

He sounds like a complete waster OP. Fuck him off and let him make the effort (like that'll happen). Get onto the CSA too.

As an adult I would find that lack of interest very hurtful, so I absolutely wouldn’t expect my DC to go through it. I would wait for him to contact me, and if he doesn’t, that’s his choice. If he does, he needs it laid on the line, regular contact outside the house, and if he doesn’t stick to it, he doesn’t see them. It’s not fair for them to be let down time and time again.

married the kids come first, last and all places in between. Not quite sure what you're saying there?

I agree with you. Kids don’t need someone irresponsible who isn’t there for them. Being biologically their father isn’t enough.

Thanks. Im glad more people agree now as ofcourse its damaging to them. He shouldnt be allowed to pick and chose when he sees them.

It is a shit situation, Unless he is violent or abusive it would not fair on the DC to remove all contact.

You may have to allow the sporadic contact, until they are older and make their own decision on him as a Father, otherwise they may resent you for your choice.

Not if it means at my house which it does and im bot allowing that anymore.
He has a child from a previous relationship who he doesnt see at all. Shes stopped all contact and he has not pursued it in any way.

Can you get a court order, so when he does not stick to it, at least you tried to maintain access. Id want him to piss off too, letting your DC down.

I think Rainbowqueeen has given the most sensible advice so far. He sounds useless but you need to give him a chance to do the right thing (regular contact), both for your children’s sake and for your sake if they question later why contact ended as you can explain all the efforts you went to.

Dont think I can take him to court to see them? I dont think he would show up tbh.

I was in a similar situation.

Contact was 2 hours once a fortnight . He rarely attended. I had an upset child. it was effecting my DS. When he stopped contact for 4 months I said no more .. He went to mediation, then court but cancelled court.

My son has gone through various stages of dealing with it. He is 11 I think he is in a happier stable place than he would be if his dad rocked up now and again.

it is pointless as a RP to take him to court . it only enforces you to make them available doesn't make NRP any more responsible.

I disagree that any parent is better than no parent, he sounds like a waste of space and you sound like you have your childs best interests at heart.

Sometimes, just sometimes an absent father is better than a really sporadic one.

My DD is no contact from the sperm donor. If he doesn't want to be in her life properly, he doesn't get to be in it at all. At the beginning he'd see her once every 12 weeks-ish, let her down, no maintenance whatsoever, no calls, birthday presents, Christmas cards. She started saying at 3 that she didn't want to see him and I didn't force it. She's now a happy, well adjusted teenager with a fantastic step-father who she sees as her Dad. She has the same opinion as me of her biological father - why should she be in his life when he clearly couldn't be bothered to be in hers?

It takes more than a few cells to make a father and IMO, blood is absolutely not thicker than water.

You know what is best for your DC. I would give him one chance see if he sticks to a regular access. (He wont).
If he lets them down, Stop access immediately. If he wants to see them he will be get his shit together, if not at least you can live in peace. They do not deserve to be let down or surprised when he arrives once a year. What a wanker. Give them lots of love Good luck OP

Thats the same for their dad ProfessorMoody, Missed his daughters first birthday, Didnt contact my other 3 on their birthdays either. Hes had so many chances but doesnt stick to it. Enough is enough.

YANBU, totally. He sounds like a waste of space, deadbeat dad. I agree that a sporadic dad who comes in and out of their lives is worse than no dad.

Jesus Butterflykissess he sounds worse and worse each post. Fuck that. Ywnbu to stop all access. I doubt you will have much of a fight on your hands. Good luck.

Yeah, he sounds like an utter dick. I didn't have much of a fight with mine. When I initially said he had one last chance to step up, or I'd cut contact, he gave me the whole "I'll take you to court, my kid is my world" crap. He turned up once, then didn't show up the next time and that was that. I told him not to bother contacting me again and he didn't. That was ten years ago.

If you are going to cut contact though, I'd advice being honest and open with your DCs. We've discussed him lots and DD is able to ask questions, see photos or anything else she wants. If she one day decided she'd like to contact him again (I doubt she will but you never know), she is aware that I'd support her through it. I think it's important that they know the truth, that it wasn't their fault and they have options open to them for the future.

Advise *

Butterfly kisses

You have my sympathy but far easier for them to find out hes a pig now than later.

If there's no safety issues I'd let him see them but explain to the children that he has to work away so can't visit often.
He's obviously a useless dad but if he does see them every few months at least they won't grow up with loads of questions about who he is or build up some 'perfect' picture in their heads to be disappointed of they meet him when they're older.

I wont be lying to them by saying he works away.

and just to point out he wont consistently see them when he does show up he sees them once or twice then goes again. and its not every few months 6/7 months works out to seeing them once a year.