To be upset by others opinions nc

[Hidingbehindarock]

Nc for this

Before we start yes i am over sensitive and need to grow a backbone.

This past year ive had others comment and inform social services of their opinions (all clear given each time)

Ive been called some of the most disgusting things a parent/human could be called to the point i almost had a breakdown whilst pregnant.

Ive had others comment on what we spend , that they hear us shouting and they are going to call ss.

And today someone saying they dont know what goes on in our house and therefore their child can no longer come here.

Without outing i cant say anything else. But im so pissed off that others feel they have the right to judge withiut knowing us, i am a good mum. They have everything they need, love discipline. Respect,time,food,clothes, dental check ups every 6 months eye checks every year, orthadontists, plus others .. i drive them to appointments nearly 4 every week. I spend all my time and money on them im giving them a lovely home to live in, i keep it clean and tidy. I really dont know why these people all unrelated cant just keep the noses out. My kids arnt angels but they are polite and respectful to others 1 of them is incredible popular. Kids gravitate to my house because we are warm and welcoming. I have worked with kids all my adult life.

Why can i just not let this comments pass over me like my husband does...

What are the comments actually about? You sound like a very average decent family

The first incident i was called a child abuser and a pedo. Hence near breakdown

Other comments ive written.

Do you have any idea why these people are saying these things? If you’re a normal, loving family (like you sound from your post) then it seems very odd that multiple people are saying these things about you.

Who is it calling you these things and calling social services? If you are a normal loving family, as you sound, then there must be more background to explain the malicious behaviour from others.

Who are they in relation to you OP? Blood relative/neighbours/school parents?

Different people, the first was in a different place weve since moved because of it.

We dont draw attention to ourselves, we do nothing different to other families. Our neighbours are louder then us. I really dont know why . None of these things have been said to our face theybe either been posted on social media or overheard in the garden. I cant stand up for myself as im to anxious and hate shouting arguing etc...

I would help anyone if i could ... all these people had to do was ask and i would tell them they were wrong but they dont they just become underhand... and no its not family or close freinds

WhiteVixen

Who is it calling you these things and calling social services? If you are a normal loving family, as you sound, then there must be more background to explain the malicious behaviour from others.

The first was malicious she tried to turn others against us. It didnt work thankfully people knew us thete to well to believe that shit.

Are these people who don't know one another? If so, to be frank, I'd think there is a problem.

eff13

Are these people who don't know one another? If so, to be frank, I'd think there is a problem.

Im not sure how to respond to that. Im giving you a very small snippet of it. The first can almost be discounted as it was her jyst being a bitch.

The 2nd was jelously as we had some money we bought a new car and some furnature. I havent had any contact with social services about this.

The last one had upset my daughter as this is only 1 of 2 freinds. She has social anxiety among many other issues.

My children are not in danger, yes sometimes we shout we are only human but maybe once a week when we are in receipt of attitude. All offical bodies involved (even solcial servicez who i have spoken to volunteringly) have all commented that we are doing a good job and there are.noconcerns

I'm not fully understanding your situation, it reads like a jigsaw with some pieces missing?
Anyway, gossip is cruel & can be very toxic but it is just that, gossip, rumour & innuendo, nothing factual.
People shouldn't judge others but they do, they seem to forget that they are not perfect human beings either & have fucked up just like everybody else!
We need to be kinder to others but I'm afraid, some people enjoy the drama.
I know it's hard living in the midst of all this but it really doesn't matter what anybody else thinks about you, it is more important what YOU think about you. You know the truth & that's really all that counts.
Good luck hun.

Sorry i dont mean for it to be a jigsaw. Im just wary of being outed as i dont want any drama.

Why did they call you a child abuser and pedo?

People make malicious allegations, it’s very common.

Can you move?

We did move

As with some other PPs, if this was one specific individual, I could understand the lying/vendetta/jealousy angle. However, if these allegations/reports are coming from a multitude of sources, I would start critically evaluating the situations behind the reports - what are these people witnessing happening in your family unit/household? Have there been repeated incidences which cannot be explained away as a 'one off'?
People might have legitimate concerns about the things they have seen/heard. Without more specific information about the allegations, I'm afraid I'd be unable to comment fairly.

I'm loud, I shout at my non-angelic children and I swear but I've never been accused of all the things you have, by multiple people

I'm confused as to why multiple people have reported you. All apparently random and malicious?

I don’t understand this at all - there’s a difference between a set of people making nasty comments, and different people from a variety of places making the same sort of accusation. The “paedo” thing is very worrying and I don’t understand where that came from.

It seems quite strange that different people in different places are saying detrimental things about you and your family and talking of involving social services. Maybe take an honest look at what people are saying and ask for outside help/insight

I guess people havent read my post properly..

Ive expained that 1 reported us it was mallacious and we were cleared. We moved to safe gaurd the children

The other was said when they were drunk in the garden never reported.

The last was becuase they discovered my teen smokes. Now yes contraversal however given that i have told her counsellor,dr and they all agreed it was better thrn self harming it was with the understanding its done discretly and a small number a day.

I repeat i have never ever hurt my children, physicialy mentally, finacially anyway you can think. They are my world and i would lay down my life for them. Everythig i do is for them,

I guess from the prospective of a social media forum i will sound like ive done something wrong but genunily we havent its making statements that they have no buisness in making. I can say things that i have witnessed about others but i dont becuase its none of my buisness

Ok then. Let's go back to your original question of why can you not ignore these comments like your husband does.

If these people are telling lies/being petty or generally poking their noses in, you need to be able to rationalise that in your head.

I would suggest resilience counselling.

Thankyou 1stimedd. I will look at this.

A good place to start:

Developing Emotional Resilience
Biological and social influences make some people seem more ‘naturally’ resilient than others, but the good news is that everyone can take steps to develop greater personal emotional resilience.

1. Know boundaries. There is a difference between you and the cause of your suffering.
2. Cultivate self-awareness. Take time to tune into your feelings and your body. Name your feelings. Notice when they come and why. Think about what’s helpful and what’s unhelpful to you. Adopt what is helpful and look after yourself.
3. Seek helpful connections. Aim to be with people who are able to listen and be supportive whist not trying to ‘fix’ you or solve your issues. Try letting others know what you need and what you find unhelpful. Seek company that helps you feel positive. Friends, family, tutors, a counsellor, a helpline, or a relevant workshop, book, website or training may all play a part.
4. Practise acceptance. Stress, pain and changes are a part of living. It’s more helpful to accept the reality of pain, rather than repress or deny it. This is not about giving-up, it is about acknowledging pain, knowing that it comes and goes, and that you can survive by looking after yourself, doing what helps, and allowing support from others.
5. Practise mindfulness. Being in the present moment without judgement or avoidance is a powerful, ancient form of healing and resilience building. It takes practice, but reminding yourself to gently come back to the present moment may be really helpful.
6. Expect not to have all the answers immediately. You have in-built healing abilities. Trying to fix things by force may hinder finding your natural balance which may take time.
7. Allow yourself to be imperfect. Making mistakes is part of healthy living. Keep going and don’t be discouraged by ‘getting things wrong’. Allow yourself not to do too many things at once and let go of some things you don’t have to do, or that are not your responsibility.
8. Allow others to be imperfect. All of us are fallible. When you are less critical and accepting of yourself, you are more able you will be able to extend this grace to others, and to allow them to extend the same to you.
9. Practise self-care. Be aware of and seek out what resources and nourishes you. Make sure you are not ‘running on empty’. Inner wellbeing is nurtured by exercising, eating healthily, getting enough sleep, good company, receiving and giving help, fun, relaxation, having quiet time, and avoiding too much alcohol or stimulants.

10. Consider your possibilities and goals, and take realistic steps. Reflect on what is in your power to change and what is not. Aim to accept what cannot be changed and consider what can be. Is there a different way of seeing your current situation? Might there be in the future? What choices do you have? What are your realistic goals? These may be very small to start with. Keep going and don’t give up. 11. Express yourself. When things seem to spin around inside or you feel preoccupied, it may be helpful to express things in writing, to a friend or creatively. You may choose to free yourself from unhelpful ruminating by bringing yourself to the present, e.g. by going to the gym, baking, walking, painting, yoga, volunteering, or practising self-care or mindfulness. 12. Keep things in perspective. Try to look at day-to-day issues from a broader perspective. Humour, a sense of purpose, love and giving to others, and other spiritual perspectives may also help. 13. Practise optimism. Is there a good side to a bad situation? If so, consider both sides. If possible, allow yourself to appreciate what is good, even in the midst of pain. When possible, see crises as challenges to be overcome rather than insurmountable problems. Remember what you have overcome in the past and your previous successes, and draw strength and confidence from this. 14. Notice your warning signs. Notice signs that you are experiencing vulnerability, e.g. sleeplessness, anxiety, hopelessness, joylessness, loss or gain in appetite, headaches or sickness, and then take steps to look after yourself, e.g. talking to someone and practising self-care. If warning signs persist speak to your GP. 15. Nurture a positive view of yourself. Imagine you are your own best-friend or someone you really care about. What care, love, patience, kindness, hope, encouragement and forgiveness would you offer this person? Offer this to yourself. 16. Trust yourself. Attach less importance to what others think. Resist making comparisons with others. However difficult things are. You are in charge of yourself and have choices.

Thank you for putting that up. I have had a quick look and alot of it is mindset i know this. People will always make commenta to strict not strict enoigh etc.. it just seems that people rush to make comments without knowing all thr facts. People can report us all they like. Social services know how we are as a family and are more thrn happy with what we are doing for our children there are no safeguarding issues.

And today someone saying they dont know what goes on in our house and therefore their child can no longer come here.

What was the ^^ all about ?

I dont mean to cause offence but the fact that you say 'social services know who we are as a family' speaks to there being other issues/factors at play. Its not the norm for social services to be aware of your family environment. I am wholeheartedly of the opinion of social services being there to help and to guide families, however usually there is a reason they have had involvment to begin with. As i said previously use this as a prompt to evaluate and seek help if needed

The smoking instead of self harming comment just threw me sorry. How are they even related ?