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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have an afternoon tea wedding reception?

210 replies

pinknight · 21/07/2018 12:20

We're planning on a small wedding, under 20 people including us. The ceremony will be at a registry office

Reception venues seem to want minimum 50 guests and insist on us paying for things like DJs which we definitely don't want (the guests will mainly be over 50).

Then if you have sit downs you have to pick the same starter, main and dessert which isn't ideal.

I've found a hotel nearby that does afternoon tea receptions which sounds nice, but I'm thinking, will it be enough food? It says sandwichers, cakes, champagyne, tea etc are included.

What would you think if you went to something like this, and do you think it's enough to fill people up?

OP posts:
Potentialmadcatlady · 21/07/2018 18:00

How about overcatering? So if you are expecting 20 guests book for say 24 so you know there will be plenty??
I think it sounds like a lovely idea as long as guests know on invite. I would love it.

keyboardkate · 21/07/2018 18:10

Just thinking back. Sometimes an afternoon tea can cost more or similar to a restaurant gig where people can choose.

A nice lunch after the ceremony would probably work. The thing is, either have an afternoon tea or a lunch thing, but THAT's it. Over and done.

Why combine it with an evening do also? I may be missing something so forgive me please.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 21/07/2018 18:12

I think you need to tell us what the timetable is. If the wedding is later on in the afternoon and quite short it might be enough. You don't want to leave your guests hungry though.

Triskaidekaphilia · 21/07/2018 18:25

Ours was afternoon tea at about 3pm, we had canapes beforehand as well and I think with the two it was plenty of food. It was served to the tables on cake stands so it was sit down without having a set menu, and meant we could include veggie and halal options without extra fuss. Our wedding was very Victorian gothic, plus DH loves sandwiches and I love cake Grin

RubiksQueen · 21/07/2018 18:38

I reckon people have been to some rubbish afternoon teas.

A good one is just as filling as a plated meal, also some meals I've had at weddings have been enormous - I like my food but when my starter is the size of what I'd eat as a main course I do wonder how other people put it all away :/

MN is funny. All the weight loss threads are like 'ooh you eat FAR too much in a day, replace all of that carby bread with lettuce pronto' and then as soon as you get a wedding breakfast thread apparently you will starve to death if you have to subsist on a couple of rounds of sandwiches and some cake. If you substituted the weight loss 'healthy meals' as what you're preparing to serve as a wedding breakfast I think some peoples' heads would explode Grin

WendyCope · 21/07/2018 18:59

No, I think it's much more of a question of

  1. When is the wedding
  2. Actually, for 20 people, a lovely lunch/dinner in a nice restaurant would be MUCH cheaper then a wedding package hotel afternoon rip off tea. I am pretty sure. Or a nice pub lunch. Again cheaper and better.

That's all! Depends when the wedding is. Afternoon tea, to me 4/5pm. Not earlier! Depends where it is. Of course afternoon tea at the Dorchester is wonderful. But I bet they wouldn't serve it at 3pm, for example.

The timing is the main thing but OP isn't forthcoming, so we can't really help.

BottleOfJameson · 21/07/2018 19:01

I agree with others it massively depends on the quality of the afternoon tea - I've had a few crusty sandwiches and scone that could have come from a multipack in aldi which was obviously rubbish. A really good cream tea -loads of fresh sandwiches, strawberries, scones, cakes, tea, shortbread YUM!

TakeAChanseyOnMe · 21/07/2018 19:09

@keyboardkate I agree. Our wedding was in a pretty posh French restaurant and was around £100/head for canapés, 4 courses, tea and coffee and an open bar. It would have been less if my Irish family didn’t order doubles all night. Hmm

Honeyroar · 21/07/2018 19:11

You really need to go to the hotel and try the afternoon tea. Some I've had have been minuscule, others very filling. Quite a few establishments around here have started doing afternoon teas where it comes on a miniature picnic bench absolutely heaving with food and milkshakes in old milk bottles. They'd definitely feed you, but aren't remotely like the usual elegant experience!

hairyscarey · 21/07/2018 19:12

WendyCope - don't know where you've been but afternoon tea is in the afternoon. Three o'clock ish. It was quite a thing when we were young children so I remember the timing, so I can bet my bottom dollar that The Dorechester would serve it at 3pm if they did afternoon teas.

Purpleartichoke · 21/07/2018 19:20

It all comes down to how things are timed. I doubt OP is planning an all day affair. Ceremony then a couple of hours of tea and chatting and then everyone goes home sounds perfect.

Our wedding was a Monday night cocktails with bride and groom included, quick ceremony, dinner, dessert, and then everybody heads home. You can have a very nice celebration in just a few hours.

SinglePringle · 21/07/2018 19:21

I would really dislike it. I don’t enjoy sandwiches (they bloat me), nor ‘beige’ food (however high the quality, quiche and sausage rolls are still quiche and sausage rolls). Plus I’m not a fan of cake.

I’d much rather a good restaurant for a small, intimate wedding.

Heatherjayne1972 · 21/07/2018 19:27

Sounds fantastic op
As others have said as long as your guest know what to expect then it’s all good

keyboardkate · 21/07/2018 20:29

@SinglePringle..

Do not attend. Very simple really when you think about it.

keyboardkate · 21/07/2018 20:35

@Purpleartichoke

Absolutely. What more can I say. That would be my preference, sounds wonderful!

There is an accept/decline on the invite, and as long as it is laid out you have a choice.

Deliqueen · 21/07/2018 20:56

We did this for our wedding. We had the wedding, then everyone who had come to the church came to the hotel for a substantial afternoon tea ( about 100 people) followed by an intimate evening meal for our family/close friends who were all staying in the hotel. We never wanted a dj type event as it wouldn't have worked for our guests. It was amazing and people still talk about it now 20 years later! Do whatever you think is going to work best for you and your guests. Good luck!

keyboardkate · 21/07/2018 21:06

@Deliqueen,

Why do both? Either a small wedding and afternoon tea/lunch and that's it.

But each to their own.

I have been to a few register office ceremonies and a nice feed in the hotel/pub after. Home at seven o'clock latest. Divine

Well for me obviously! All day weddings are just so formulaic and totally boring to me. Just me I said.

BanjoStarz · 21/07/2018 21:24

I’d echo what other people have said and say it’s fine if there is enough food.

I’ve been to one, had previously been to the same venue for straight up afternoon tea so was pretty confident in quantities and had only had a light lunch before the 3.00pm ceremony as I was expecting the same quantity of food.

There was not, I don’t know if it was a wedding thing that the bride and groom did or if it was a venue thing for weddings but previously a platter of sandwiches that would have been delivered between 2 was delivered between 4, the cake tier that had fed 6 at lunch was expected to feed 8 at the wedding...it was NOT enough food.

Alothough the top table were being served in the same ratio as you would normally see at afternoon lunch at the same venue Hmm

I’ve never seen so many drunk people at a wedding.

The evening buffet turned out to be an Indian and Chinese selection with a couple of cut up pizzas...it went in SECONDS.

People don’t remember much about other people’s weddings, but in my experience they always remember if they are hungry.

Deliqueen · 21/07/2018 21:33

@keyboardkate
Mainly because our families, who are scattered around the UK, were all staying at the hotel (small hotel so only our guests there)so we had a lovely evening together after the main event and a great send off after breakfast when we left for the airport! Perfect for us! My husband and I had worked in big hotels for years and seen lots of different ideas so knew exactly what we wanted for our own. I think the best weddings are those that reflect the bride and groom, whatever that may be.

keyboardkate · 21/07/2018 21:50

@Deliqueen

Good on you!

It is an each to their own thing. Glad it worked out for you. and best wishes.

fabulous01 · 21/07/2018 22:36

Personally I would love it. I can't be going with the fuss of weddings and although I know I fussy with sarnies I would think it is your day
Congrats and have a lovely wedding

TheMonkeyMummy · 21/07/2018 22:41

I think that this sounds wonderful.

Burrumpeel · 21/07/2018 22:58

We've had a couple of these in our family and they were great. Just make sure they venue doesn't run out of cake.

ThorsMistress · 21/07/2018 23:11

My sister got married in a hotel and we had afternoon tea after. It was perfect. Just enough food and they kept on top of making sure everything was topped up.

SinglePringle · 21/07/2018 23:34

@keyboardkate I think you’re slightly over invested. My response is hypothetical, I’ve not actually been invited....