Being unreasonable from my kid's perspective - food related.

[loopylass13]

I have a very fussy just turned 10 year old, who just had her first filling at the dentist (with two more needed) - feeling like the worst parent! As we have become a bit lacking in our good habits, I just needed some perspective on how to reduce sugar and the over snacking.

If you could tell me what your children's average day meal plan looks like then that would be helpful, what you feed them to maintain good body health/teeth health and so that are not driving you up the wall with the sugar pestering. Would I be unreasonable to say she can only have veg to snack on between meals? That the meals can't be so ready-made types anymore. She is outraged.

Example

Breakfast

Lunch

Dinner

Snacks and/or additional meals.

I wouldn't restrict to veg between meals but I definitely would restrict to healthy snacks not sugary stuff no ready made meals is also reasonable. I think you should allow for treats though (maybe a meal of her choice within reason once a week?) - saying you can never have your favourites food again is bound to cause upset.

DS has breakfast - sometimes leftovers from dinner, porridge, scrambled eggs, seedy wholegrain toast with cheese,

Lunch sandwich & fruit, baked potato (with tuna, beans or cheese) & salad, pasta salad (with ham/tuna/sweetcorn/tomato/lettuce/cheese & olive oil).

Dinner salmon/chicken/fish of some kind. salad a few steamed veg with butter and garlic with a bit of pasta/potato wedges/gnocci etc.

Snacks - apples, crackers, cheese, sometimes yogurt

That's the everyday stuff sometimes we'll have treats too and if we're away for a week it'll all go to hell and it'l be croissants and doc pops for breakfast and chips with lunch and dinner.

It would be more useful if you posted a typical days eating and any strong likes / dislikes / allergies.

Reducing sugar and snacking isn't rocket science - keep sweets etc to after meals only and not regular, no fizzy drinks / reduce fruit juices.

Of course there are other things to snack on instead of veg - cheese, cracker, houmous, breadsticks. Whether these are actually NEEDED is another matter.

What is your daughters weight like? That would need to be taken into consideration.

Tooth brushing skills will play a big role in preventing future fillings too.

Bit...

Breakfast - toast and peanut butter / scrambled egg / porridge / low sugar cereal

Lunch - cheese / ham / chicken salad sandwich/wrap, some veg sticks, a small pack of crackers, piece of fruit....

Dinner - not something out a jar or packet - the world is your oyster! Really can't suggest anything without knowing cooking skills / time / budget / likes / dislikes etc

Are snacks needed? Hence what is her weight like? Does she do activities like swimming that make her hungry?

Snacks could be as i've suggested above.

Just a quick response

Weight - she is at the top of the healthy range for her age (I did the BMI NHS children's calculator).

Toothbrushing - she is does often resist this.

She has a lot of junk carbs (crisps, noodles, toast etc), eats a lot of fruit (will eat a whole watermelon a day if allowed), but she has a sweet tooth so she is often rooting in cupboards for treats (we have elderly relatives nearby who also often give her sweets). I feel like I have to battle with her to eat 3 healthy regular meals a day. I don't mind the occasional treat but sometimes it seems like she has no impulse control, she could have 5 sugar filled things and still ask for more. Hence thinking a ban for a while might help break her of some of these habits, give no access. Likely I am still in shock and at a knee jerk kind of reaction because of the cavities. I have wondered for a while if the constant snacking is to do with the bad diet and lack of vitamins (hence why I've let her go crazy on watermelon binges or giving her frozen home made fruit lollies). I likely have used too many treats for an easier life as she is strong willed, and stubborn. I can't get her to eat veg except cucumber and carrot at a push, so thought we would. I need to sit down with her more at meal times and not like her just pick what she wants when she wants. What I had been attempting to do was let her moderate her own food and eventually she will make better choices as not forced, so far that has not worked.

She is at the top of healthy weight wise for her age and height

I think you need to talk to her about her teeth.They are her teeth,her responsibility.You can remind but she must take the consequences if she doesnt.
Cutting out sugary snacks and junk seems the best way but you must have non in the house.Just get things as a once a week treat but just enough as she will find hidden stuff.
Will she help with cooking as that may be a way of her eating more veg.
I think you will have to put up with attitude fora while on the snacking front,tough love.

Would she use an automatic tooth brush?

No advice on food...but disclosing tablets worked wonders for my younger brother, they turn the plaque(?) bright pink and blue depending on how long it’s been there and you have to brush until it’s gone.

Unfortunately you cant change bad dietary habits overnight so small changes to start with is the only way. Begin with no fizzy pop which is a killer and if you can move on to the sweets. If you really cant manage, chocolate straight after a meal is better than on an empty stomach. following with a piece of cheese helps drop the acid. Despite the modern rhetoric, fruit is not your enemy, sugar and fizz are. Commercial snacks will also have sugar in the flavouring so as much home cooking as possible. She shouldn't need snacks between meals. She will rebel at veg but the fruit is ok. Keep a diary (discretely) over the next week or so and see what little sneaky improvements you can make. As her to think with you about what she thinks she could manage without. If she feels she has a little control to improve her dental health she will more likely cooperate. It actually isn't her fault her diet isn't good. ask the grandparents to stop buying sweets. Don't keep sugary snacks in the house. Give her loads of encouragement and praise for improvements. Make sure you are setting her a good example, eat with her

Other good snacks are rice cakes, oat cakes, cheese, hummus.

If you choose fruit, British rather than exotic is better for teeth - so apples, pears, plums, blueberries rather than oranges, pineapple, nectarines.

Ok, so at 10 she won't have any impulse control.

But, YOU control what she eats. If there aren't biscuits / crisps / chocolates / junk food int he house she can't eat it.

Don't ban things completely as they will become her sole focus. Have a sweetie box (like a cash box or similar) with some small bags of buttons / chocolate biscuits / crisps in. She gets to pick one thing a day (you can always cut down further, but it sounds like this would already drastically reduce her intake).

Fruit is a tough one, but you are going to have to ration it too - a whole watermelon has over 1000 calories! So again don't buy them.

What sort of family meals do you cook? Scope for plenty of stir frys with loads of veg, lean protein, a small portion of rice or noodles and a tasty sauce?

Everything Confusedbeetle says. That is perfect advice.

You did know water melon is full of sugar? You might as well let her binge on chocolate.

You should also look at what you yourself are eating. Be an example to her.

The advice above it quite useful, no I didn't realise water melon had so much sugar as I had assume fruit = good. I have put my foot down though the meal plan is far from perfect, being strict and consistent has worked wonders in the last few days.

Friday
Breakfast - one weetabix, unsweetened soya milk.
Snack - half a cucumber
Lunch -2 fish fingers, 1/4 pizza, mash and peas
Dinner - 1 and a half toast, butter, beans, mash, corn, peas

Saturday
Breakfast - one Weetabix, unsweetened soya milk
Lunch - 1/4 pizza, tomatoe, rice, veggie sausages
Dinner - 1/4 pizza, 1/3 noddles, rice and veggie sausages

I did offer fruit for "dessert" but refused.

I realise we have to get more healthier carbs, increase veg but I am ever so pleased that the snacking is proving easier to control than I thought I would be. It took a few days and a fair bit of yelling on her part. I imagine once she gets used to no snacking, that she will eat more for a meal with more balance. Right now given things she likes in smaller potions so she gets used to set meals/no snacks.

Any suggestions for improvement of meals? How/what to adjust over to?

Toothbrushing is 3 times a day, being firmer is helping.

I have given away, binned -and eaten- what was left of junk. Once the noodles run out I won't be getting them in for quite a while. It is my fault, I tend to be a snacker too so having to force myself into better habits. Lead by example as someone said.

that is WAY too little food for a growing child! One weetabix with milk is less than calories. She needs 1500-1800 every day.

It also seems like she's getting not enough calcium or protein.

• less than 100 calories

You need to increase what she's eating for breakfast. I would do two Weetabix with yoghurt or something similar. My 1 year old eats more than that...

Pizza unless home made has sugar in it.

What you need to do is wean her of sugary things in meals

My 5 year old eats more than that...where is the calcium ? Natural yoghurt and fruit (weaning mine off sweet yoghurt, and never diet yoghurt, its just rubbish. )
Pizza is such a poor food too..buy chicken..chicken thighs are cheap, and you can fry in a little olive oil, or just roast in the oven in 20-30 mins so easy and tasty, full of protein.

Are you vegetarian ? Ah no you have fish fingers..

My dd is 10 and borderline underweight (slim build and not a huge appetite).

Breakfast: 2 wheetabix with semi skimmed milk

Lunch: one roll or wrap with ham and lettuce or ham and cheese (no butter as she hates it), fruit - apple or berries, slice of malt loaf or breakfast bar, cherry tomatoes and cucumber, crisps like mini cheddars.

Alternative packed lunch: cold pasta salad dish (homemade left overs) plus a frube and maybe a slice of cake.

Dinner: meat and veg of some variety. Lots of green veg - courgette, broccoli, baby spinach with normal family meals like cottage pie or chicken and veg curry.

Snacks? My Dc can have one fruit snack and 2 small biscuits when we get home from school but only if they ask, so about 3 times a week. If they've had a snack then they can have a drink. We do milk, squash with meals and water in evenings. Fizzy is allowed for special occasions. Only one dd likes it anyway.

I was pretty tough on biscuits but as dc are lower end of the scale and dd1 didn't have a good relationship with food I've had to chill.

Chocolate sticks to your teeth, watermelon doesn't stick nearly as much.

Doesn't seem right to limit fruit when she seems to eat so little F+Veg.

You wouldn't want to hear what my 10yo eats. A lot less variety than OP's, anyway.

That doesn’t look like enough to me.
If you look at cwt.org.uk they have detailed info on what a balanced diet for a 10 year old looks like.
Top of the healthy range is concerning too.

Do you supervise teeth brushing or just send her to do it?

If she's snacking she may be hungry - breakfast seems very small, maybe add more weetabix or some fruit or yoghurt?

There also seem to be a lot of carbs - swapping to slow release carbs can make a big difference. Fruit isn't a bad guy - just watch portion sizes

Be careful brushing teeth - 3 times a day, especially after food/drinks can be brushing the acid into the teeth and can harm them - twice a day - before breakfast and before bed is whats recommended!

Cooking and eating as family makes a big difference - might be worth looking at a slow cooker - makes food prep super easy and leftovers can be used later in the week - make plenty and then you have your own home made meals that are as easy to reheat as a ready meal!

Good luck from a fellow fussy eater!