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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The midwife just made me feel like sh*t....but I'm a nice person!!!

41 replies

flightattendant · 29/05/2007 16:50

Just been to MW for 38 week check. She was being all friendly but going on about my slightly low iron count. I was hoping for a home birth and they have a cut off of 10 Hb, mine's something like 9.8 at a guess right now...working on getting it up to 10 of course, I have been for weeks but it's not easy

Anyway she said, (after drumming it into me that I should have just 'taken the tablets' - I couldn't stomach them and neither could the Dr who prescribed them to me! - but have been taking the syrup and then overdosing on Spatone when I couldn't face that any more)
'Well, you're old enough to make your own decisions about where you give birth, but it will just make things much worse for the person who has to attend'.

I had been trying to stress that I really didn't want to put anyone out, and felt really bad about this (they have to attend if you want a homebirth, however foolish they reckon it is) but she just seemed to be saying that to make me feel even worse.

I nearly cried. Like, who wants a reluctant midwife there, who wants to piss off their midwife or put them under pressure? No one. Just feel awful that she was implying I'm being horribly selfish.

Can you tell I'm about to give birth and perhaps a bit sensitive? !

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 29/05/2007 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hannahsaunt · 29/05/2007 16:55

She does seem to be being a bit insensitive but on the other hand she could have scenarios at the back of her head which could mean things are complicated - e.g. I am low on iron and have to keep it boosted in time for delivery as I had a pph first time round and these are (apparently) much more common with a 3rd delivery if you had one with your first and low Hb has consequences esp if it's a serious pph (one of the myriad of reasons why I plan to deliver in a hospital). Sure she could have been kinder about it all.

MarsLady · 29/05/2007 17:00

You're not being over sensitive... she was rather rude actually.

Now... are you eating plenty of red meat? (unless you are vegetarian)

What about green leafed vegetables and some orange juice to boost the iron intake?

You'll be fine. Don't let her put fear or doubt in your mind.

Original poster
flightattendant · 29/05/2007 17:02

Thanks girls...Tmmj - make that 'one to 25' I think!!

Hannahsaunt - thankyou, yes, she is concerned about the possibilities of complications - though unlike you I didn't have a PPH with my first child (sorry to hear you did, must have been horrid) - I too am a little bit worried but it's just the way she made it sound so awful that I was still 'hoping' to try and do it at home.

Mind you she is usually a little bit snidey about something or other. I suppose at this stage I just didn't need it...

Good luck with yours xx

OP posts:
Lizzer · 29/05/2007 17:02

NOOOO! That's horrible FA! Don't let the witch bring you down and get eating spinach just to prove her wrong

Original poster
flightattendant · 29/05/2007 17:03

X-posts Mars...thanks for your support! Am doing my best, not into steak really but am getting thru about 3 sachets of spatone a day it's so easy to take!

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 29/05/2007 17:12

Tough. She'll just have to turn out for you. It's not hard to get from home to hospital if you need it. I did it for the second twin. It was no problem at all. IT was quite a fun trip. First trip out for the other twin.

Did you see the news in the Times baout Government putting non qualified helpers in maternity wards in place of midwives. It's actually not that bad a plan if it means you get one to one in hospital (or home) and a midwife available to come in at critical moments.

kate100 · 29/05/2007 17:18

She was rude to you, 0.2 is tiny surely and it's not like you haven't tried, are you eating spinach and broccolli? Keep at it, I'm sure you'll get there?

What is it about some midwives that treat you as if you're the baby not the mother? DS2 had been discharged by the paed and one midwife said I could go home and then another comes over and says I can't, when DH turned up to get me, she ignored me completely and says to him 'Well I've told her not to go, but she says she's going anyway' Still cross about it now.

ConnieDescending · 29/05/2007 17:24

She's probably concerned but going about itthe wrong way.

If you have heavy bleeding it can be serious. I had low iron levels when I gave birth to dd2 and didn't have a PPH but still required a blood transfusion as I couldn't even step foot out of bed without fainting. Was the most awful feeling in the world and was too weak to even hold newborn dd.

tortoiseSHELL · 29/05/2007 17:31

Are you having lots of caffeine? I know that can inhibit absorption of iron. Also I think if you take it with vitamin C (i.e. orange juice) it is absorbed better.

I'm sure I remember mears saying that actually a low hb is preferable. I'll have a look for a link for you.

tortoiseSHELL · 29/05/2007 17:33

mears on iron

allieBongo · 29/05/2007 17:34

eat tons of dried apricots also.

ellieandhattie · 29/05/2007 17:36

FA Are you in Kent by any chance as I am in Maidstone and your midwife sounds as stroppy as mine was re iron levels/tablets (my iron was 8.7 and I couldn do more than 1 tablet a day) te way she made me feel was crap and kept telling me of all the complications it would cause with the c-section (had 2 planned sections as dd1 breech and dd2 transverse)

Mumpbump · 29/05/2007 17:37

What a bad attitude! Why not make an appointment with your doctor to get a proper idea of what the likely risks are? Or ring your antenatal unit? I don't want to scare you, but I someone on here did say they had to have a blood transfusion which was apparently because of low iron levels, but not sure how low your iron has to be to wind up in that situation. But unless someone actually recommends AGAINST a home birth, I wouldn't worry too much.

Songbird · 29/05/2007 17:42

What a cow, it's not your job to 'think of the midwife', they're there to look after you and baby . It's either a medical necessity for you to go to hospital or not, saying you're old enough to make your own decisions (patronising bitch!) is totally unhelpful. It shouldn't be your decision IYSWIM. You have decided to have a home birth! If you need to go to hospital for medical reasons, then you will.

Next time you see her tell her you've been so worried about what she said you've been drinking 5 pints of guinness a day to get your iron up!

akaJamiesMum · 29/05/2007 17:43

flightattendant - get yourself over to Angela Horn's Homebirth website. Masses of research about low iron levels there. You'll find it at www.homebirth.org.uk

Your midwife is being difficult because she doesn't want the possibility of going to a homebirth. You poor thing - how dreadful to feel that someone who doesn't want to be there may be at the birth.
The other thing (from my days as a midwife) is that every area seems to have their own idea what is and is not an acceptable iron level. One area I worked wanted it to be 10.4! Others were not bothered as long as it was above 9.5. Definitely look at Angela Horn's site - it's fabulous for advice and perhaps print out some stuff and pass it on to this unhelpful midwife. I am angry for you as you should not be having to justify your decision in this way.

akaJamiesMum · 29/05/2007 17:44

"What a cow, it's not your job to 'think of the midwife', they're there to look after you and baby "

Here, here songbird - absolutely right.

mozhe · 29/05/2007 17:44

Dried apricots do it for me when \i have a low Hb...Plus v.good for bowels.

Dorisdaisy · 29/05/2007 17:50

When I was preggers with dh, my iron levels were constantly low despite eating steaks drinking orange eating lots of green veg. I took iron supplement...which didnt seem to alter the levels. Midwife insinuated that I hadn't been taking Iron tablets ( of course I had). Gave birth to a perfectly healthy 9.5 boy iron levels went up immediately after having him. Try not to worry too much!

purpleduck · 29/05/2007 17:55

the liquid iron (floradix) is very good. {it also tastes nice with orange juice!] I had my iron levels checked weekly last time (i was in germany)and it def worked. Good Luck!!

purpleduck · 29/05/2007 17:56

last time i was pg i mean!! Also the liquid absorbs better than tablets

Rantmum · 29/05/2007 17:58

I had low iron too, and took the awful tablets which made me more constipated that I have EVER been in my whole life. Gave me piles, which took over a year post childbirth to settle down, even with the weightloss. Pg results in a lot of inconvenience, but mainly for the pg person. I can understand that the mw might have concerns, but there is no need for the attitude. As a mw she should patiently explain the issues to you, and even advise you, but she should not be using "inconvience to the medical profession" as an excuse. It is supposed to be a "caring" profession which means a good "bedside manner" is a very important part of the role.

fruitful · 29/05/2007 17:59

Silly cow (the mw).

You've got lots of good advice here re the iron thing. Can you refuse blood tests for the next few weeks?

Be prepared for them to come up with some other silly excuse to put you off a hb though. The homebirth.org site is really good.

Songbird · 29/05/2007 18:12

Will she definitely be the one attending? Do you know if it's just her opinion or her colleagues' as well? Can you ask for someone else 'if she's uncomfortable'? This might just put her back up though.

lulumama · 29/05/2007 18:13

sweetheart

((((((hug))))))

sod her

and complain to the head of midwifery after the birth