The midwife just made me feel like sh*t....but I'm a nice person!!!

[flightattendant]

Just been to MW for 38 week check. She was being all friendly but going on about my slightly low iron count. I was hoping for a home birth and they have a cut off of 10 Hb, mine's something like 9.8 at a guess right now...working on getting it up to 10 of course, I have been for weeks but it's not easy

Anyway she said, (after drumming it into me that I should have just 'taken the tablets' - I couldn't stomach them and neither could the Dr who prescribed them to me! - but have been taking the syrup and then overdosing on Spatone when I couldn't face that any more)
'Well, you're old enough to make your own decisions about where you give birth, but it will just make things much worse for the person who has to attend'.

I had been trying to stress that I really didn't want to put anyone out, and felt really bad about this (they have to attend if you want a homebirth, however foolish they reckon it is) but she just seemed to be saying that to make me feel even worse.

I nearly cried. Like, who wants a reluctant midwife there, who wants to piss off their midwife or put them under pressure? No one. Just feel awful that she was implying I'm being horribly selfish.

Can you tell I'm about to give birth and perhaps a bit sensitive? !

your iron levels are just on the cusp then, also , you get physiological anaemia when pregnant, due to the increased blood & fluid you are carrying, so it is not like your levels are on the floor and you are seriously aneamic

do you feel well ? as well as you can be for 38 weeks?? headaches? breathless?

My father works with one of the top hemotologists (sp?) in the world. And when I had a post partum haemmorage he strongly advised against my taking iron pills to raise my counts and felt that the best way is through getting it naturally through food (healthier and faster without the side effects). At the time I mentioned that my levels had been slightly low (about like yours) during my pregnancy and that I had been taking an iron pill and how awful it was because of the constipation and tummy aches. He was shocked that I had been prescribed them as a pregnant woman and said that he wouldn't have recommended my taking them because of the side effects. And in addition taking the iron in pill form can impede absorption from natural sources.

So, your MV is not only rude and insensitive, but clearly not up on the current medical advice. Ignore! And just have the homebirth that you want. A slightly low iron rate is hardly going to make the difference. Eat foods high in iron and save your energy for welcoming your new baby. (Have to say that as an american I just didn't understand why anyone would want a homebirth, until I saw the state of the hospitals in the uk...).

Sofia - likewise at the state of our hospitals. I imagine in the states they are a wee bit nicer? I was quite happy to give birth in one last time, until I got there and found out what it was like...

Lulu - hi sweetie, you've heard me moan about this before - I'm feeling WAY better on the spatone, thankyou so much for recommending it - still the odd breathless moment, like after going upstairs, but 99% of the time I just feel 'well' after a really long time feeling rubbish! She even said I looked better than last time she saw me . Took FBC yesterday so should find out in a day or two if it's taking effect - I really think it is

Thanks to EVERYone for your kind words, I feel much calmer now - though I have another appt booked with her next week, and strangely have this urge to 'lose' my carefully-written-on-by-midwives-to-cover-legal-implications notes on a long distance bus, and not 'remember' to turn up...

Hopefully he might arrive before then anyway, he's turned btw and 3/5 in!!! (bathroom floor is very clean!)

FA - tannin (tea, red wine etc) inhibits the absorption of iron and ascorbic acid (citrus fruits) encourages it; cut right back on all sources of tannin - google it, and drink a variety of juices before a meal. If you have glass of orange juice, for example and then have a steak and fresh spinach salad and then a handful of dried apricots and a yogurt you will be doing yourself more good than popping a pill and the iron is more efficiently taken up by your body. The yogurt is calcium rich and the calcium binds with the iron and makes it easier for the body to metabolise. Similarly, a breakfast of half a grapefruit followed by wholemeal bread and butter or cereal with milk (if you can stomach the milk after the grapefruit) would be iron rich; hot chocolate drinks are iron rich and the milk intake would help the iron absorption. I think that the key is in the variety of intake here. Google iron rich foods.

flightattendant, please print out this article and take it to your mv and then make a complaint to her supervisor and request another one!!!

in her defence she does have a duty and reponsiblity to tell you of the potential risks and problems that having a low hb could cause so that you can make an informed choice, but having said that she obviously upset you and that is unreasonable.
If you are not happy with her and feel you dont have any confidence in her and her willingness to care for you in labour then I would contact the head of midwifery and discuss your concerns with her.
good luck with your labour etc hope it all goes well for you, and Im sure it will

In addition to gglimpopo's comments about what not to take iron with, I regularly used to wash down my antenatal vits with a cup of tea or coffee and bran flakes for breakfast, all of which stop the iron being absorbed.

I reckon you are about ready to pop though FlightAttendent, you have reached the 'wanting to kill the midwife' point of pregnancy - a sure sign you are ready to put doors to manual and let the nipper escape.

Good luck!

For the record mw love homebirths, but with them a lot of responsibility falls on their shoulders if the protocol for iron says 10 is the cut off and you are below that then it is your midwives responsibility to encourage a hospital birth for many reasons. After all if things go wrong it is she who will bear the consequences and be investigated. I really can see her point.
Also when patients don't take medications rightly or wrongly it can be perceived and non-complient and can be very frustrating for the healthcare provider and that can make them insensitive, it is very difficult to empathise totally with everyone.
I hope your levels improve and you get the birth you want but if not these rules are made for a reason and I urge you to respect them for the safety of you and your baby.

"fuck her! who cares if it makes things more diff8cult for them!"

Um yeah. If you do choose to have a homebirth with a low HB and something does happen do not sue and drag the midwife through court. I wouldn't want to be put through that either.

Midwives/nurses/doctors are not miracle workers or god. They too often get dragged through the court system because a patient wouldn't take their advice.

Example. Once I took care of a patient who refused to have some med her doctor prescribed. We tried everything to get her to understand that it is imperative and possibly a matter of life and death. She still refused and she got very ill and has permanent problems as a result of not taking that med.

Then she sued everyone who cared for her in hospital. Luckily we had documented about 20 times that she even though we tried to educate her, and she had verbalized an understanding of what we were telling her...she still refused. Still went through the hell of a lengthy courtcase though. Lost money due to time off of work etc etc.

This kind of stuff is why the midwife is pissed off. This stuff goes on all the time and that is why they are defensive angry.

I hope you do have a homebirth if that is what you want and I wish the best for you and your little one.

personally i don't think it's a biggy, .2 but can see if she's had a bad experience before she doesn't want to take any risks. however ultimately it is your choice. you need to take into account how far you are from a hospital and base you decision on this and your iron count nearer the date.

if you are sure that home birth is right and the MW is still saying you should go into hosital then don't call the MW out too early if your 8cm they are unlikely to move you!

talk to your gp or as someone suggested another MW and research iron count on the internet to really find out the risks why teh cut off is 10.

good luck,

I had to have a blood transfusion after my caesarian but my iron level was 7.4, and that was a lot to do with the fact that my iron levels were low to start with (the pills made me terribly constipated, made my heartburn far worse and I ddn't take them) also my wound opened and bled constantly and heavily for 2 weeks and is still weeping now, along with my loss down below.

Why do doctors/ midwives etc prescribe pills for anaemia when they are so awful to take?

hope everything goes ok for you flightattendant

Obvsiously i am in a minority because I didn't have any problems taking the iron tablets prescribed when i was pregnant. I wasn't eating particularly healthily but last thing at night I would have a fruit craving and put away a couple of apples and oranges and I was drinking loads of fruit juice during the day. Unfortunately the only time I was constipated was in the last couple of days before I was induced - you can imagine when that (I was going to say backlog) cleared .

Gosh I hadn't checked back for a while, sorry

I totally agree that they have a duty to inform me about the risks, and need to cover themselves. I would never countenance taking anyone to court over this, what's the point, I just want to have a decent experience of birth after last time went a bit wrong...and am hoping that doing it at home will be better, I'm not entirely clear why but I know being in hospital last time simply led to a series of unnecessary interventions, and made me feel scared and nervous - it would be nice not to feel so out of control, even if it's only a slight difference...being in labour isn't known for making you feel brilliant, wherever you do it!

My point was really the way she said it. She always says something that makes me feel bad and my mother, who used to work in the same practice, agrees that she is a bit like that...
I had already told her I had done my best and was sorry I hadn't managed to comply, but was taking an alternative and was concerned as well about the risks.

The way she replied was a bit unnecessary IMO, it felt like she was trying deliberately to make me feel awful, while I just sat there feeling like crying.

That was all.

BTW it is the mother's legal right to insist on a home birth, although I would never want to make this a huge issue if the risks were high...I'd rather everyone was happy with it TBH.
But I think that makes it clear that the midwife would not be hauled over coals were I to decide on something she didn't recommend...it was documented she'd told me, the others had all told me, I knew their stance...and it would have been down to me, whatever happened.

wow- at the venom in some of the replies. i totally can see both sides fo the argument, yes all women have a right to choose where they want to give birth and should be able to do so,but on the flip side of that is we all know the ressures that the maternity services are under and if your local area can provide a home birth service thats fantastic and well done to them as many areas are point blank saying they can't (which is disgusting!).
I am sure your m/w could have phrased thigns a bit betetr and perhaps if she wasn't of a bolshy character and a different more sympathetic sounding m/w had expalined the same things to you it wouldn't have casued you upset.
the difficulties the m/w was referrign to was probably the fact that if something did go wrong yes it would eb the m/w that would be justifying to the critical incident team why the home birth had gone ahead in the first place, hence all the heavy documentation of conversations etc. unfortunatley we live in a time when health authorities are so concerned about the threat to sue and a society that complains so readily (mostly justified of course)that it is drileld into m/ws student m/ws, doctors etc to record each and every detail no matter how small.

fa - wish you well with the rest of your pregnany and hope you have a lovely smotth home birth!

from a scientific point of view, you need to do repeat measurements to get a totally accurate result, the machine needs to be calibrated on a daily basis and even after all that you can probably comfortably allow for an error of 10%.

You can also tell her that a (albeit small) study showed that mothers who give birth with an Hb of over 10.5 have babies who are more likely to have problmes.

Stick that up her madwife arse