To think this is a dangerous situation?

[anglicanreed]

There's a young woman at work I'm fairly friendly with.

She's 22, has a b/f who lives in his own flat. She lives in a shared house with two male tenants and a male landlord.

Landlord is often abroad and she's made references into the past about being relieved when he's not around.

He's back long term for the summer now and she's basically told me that he's constantly going into her bedroom when she's not there, completely brazen about it, doesn't apologise just does it and claims whatever excuse (putting a lamp back, for example).

The thing is, she's just told me that he keeps walking into her room when he knows she's just got out of the shower.

Coming into her room at night to "check she's ok".

She's upset about it, spoke to her b/f about them moving in together (been together a couple of years) and he said no.

So now she's trapped with this man, who she is scared of.

She's asked him not to come into her room but he persists. She seems to think she's stuck with this situation?

It sounds dangerous to me?

It might also be worth her speaking to the local councils housing options team to see what help they might give her re finding alternative housing. Some councils are useless, but if she's at risk of homelessness because she's too scared to live in this room (and rightly so, it sounds creepy and like it could escalate) and has no money to afford somewhere safe to live then they might be able to help. She will likely need evidence of the harassment, but could be worth her getting advice on alternative / emergency housing options should she need it. She might not need this type of advice, but it's an option. You are definitely doing the right thing OP by offering her a place to stay until she finds somewhere more permanent and safe to live.

With regards to her not helping herself. I think I'm reading between the lines a bit but I don't think her parents gave her a great deal of safety growing up.

I'm not going to say I think she was abused as she hasn't said that outright, but certain things have made me think she expects to be treated in this exploitative / abusive way.

She seems very distant of her parents to the point of being scared of them, but I don't know what's gone on there.

If he's renting each room individually then he'll need an HMO and I'm pretty sure he's required to have a lock on each bedroom door. She could lock her door from the inside at night, and leave the key in so he can't enter even if he has his own key to her room. If he doesn't have an HMO, she can anonymously report him and she'll probably get her deposit back no problem even if she's breaching contract. It might also be worth her checking her deposit is held in a scheme - if not then she might be able to get 3x the amount back (I think). It's not an ideal solution but it's a temporary fix until she can get out.

Poor girl. If you can have her for a month or 2 I would offer this as a solution as if he won't pay her deposit back at least she can save it if she can stay at yours for free for a while (obviously pay for her share of food, bills etc).

She could also make a complaint to the police as this is harassment (though I don't think she should do this while still living there just in case he takes it out on her). If the police have a word with him he may be too scared not to pay back her deposit if she moves out early, it might also make him think again how to treat his lodgers in the future.

A wedge straight away, a note on the door setting out no entry, knock first whilst you read the agreement.

Happy to read it for you if you PM me a copy with the personal details removed, just the T&Cs.

She needs to move out. He sounds an arse!

Make sure that people are there when she tells him she'll leave and take her stuff away (at the same time).

She knows this isn’t a healthy situation so why isn’t she doing anything about it?

She needs to leave as soon as possible. He's escalating and pushing boundaries.

Just be careful OP that you don't find yourself in a situation where she won't/can't move out of your place. Be clear from the start.

Despicable landlord & uncaring boyfriend! If she can stay with you she would be safe and could consider options - flat share or lodger with a decent landlord (they do exist) etc, and dumping the boyfriend. Shelter may be of assistance. Good luck to her & to you for trying to help.

Exactly what StandardsHighSquatsLow says. The landlord is in breach of laws. Check he is even registered with the council and the deposit should legally be held in a deposit scheme. But more importantly she needs to get out immediately.

This makes me shudder, walking in when he knows she has just got out of the shower or when she's asleep - that's outrageous and very creepy. There have been landlords in the news in the past who have been convicted of spying on their tenants with hidden cameras, so as paranoid as it sounds I would be checking every nook and cranny of her bedroom and bathroom to be sure there's nothing like that in there. He sounds creepy enough to be capable of something like that.

She needs a new room and a new boyfriend.

It's really great that you are supporting her, just be careful around the whole situation. Is there any organisation/services to turn to?

This is horrible - he's taking advantage of her because she's young and inexperienced with the ways of the world and doesn't he know it? No way would I be happy with this. If this were my daughter I'd be in a rage. She needs to get advice and better accommodation.

In the meantime a door wedge fitted with an alarm, if such a thing exists.

I think if you can put her up for a while until she finds a new place, that would probably be the best idea. I agree it sounds like he is building up to assaulting her. No amount of lost deposit etc is worth that happening. If she does move out, is there anywhere she could leave a hidden note for the new tennant, just to warn them about him. Esp if they are female.
Good for you to keep an eye on her OP.

I would think the police could advise. I’d go to the local police station and ask to talk to someone. I’d put a door wedge and furniture over the door and move out ASAP.

I'd be having a chat with the police too.

Clandestino - I was just going to say the same!!

Surely any decent boyfriend of 2 years would help out, even temporarily

I guess the problem with going to the police and doing nothing else is that she would still have to live with the creep. Definitely better to get her out of there, and then report it to the police and also maybe see if there are any governing bodies over landlords, and report him there also.

YANBU this sounds like a very scary arrangement.

I think you need to encourage her strongly to take the good advice in the thread about door jams, CAB and to get out of there as soon as she can.

She also needs to dump the waste of space boyfriend.

'I kind of surprised he's doing it while she has a boyfriend on the scene, but maybe he's picked up that she's not that protective of her.'

Men abuse, attach and perv on women in relationships so it's not rally a surprise. Plus it is clear the boyfriend has no real concern about her at all. The only good thing that can come of this is that she gets shut of two jerks in one go.

@anglicanreed 'I think I might ask her if she wants to come and stay with us for a bit, actually.'

You are incredibly kind. Once she has moved out make sure she pays something to towards her keep and make it clear it is temporary.

Yep get her out of there asap. She does sound quite vulnerable, it's great she's got you to look out for her.

Maybe have a gentle word, after it's sorted, about how she should be receiving more support from her bf.

Right.

Thanks all.

I've been out for a quick coffee over lunch to try and work out what's going on. Apparently she's been viewing houses over the last couple of weeks but trying to keep it secret so LL doesn't know she's going.

She thinks she'll have enough money scraped together after next payday for a deposit.

She took this place in a hurry because the last place she lived in the LL had a daughter who burgled them and stole her laptop. Which the police know all about (burglar daughter was convicted) and she says she doesn't want to be back at the police station with another LL problem just wants to get away from it all.

So it seems her bf didn't help her last time she was in a volatile housing situation, but I think he's the least of her worries right now.

She's seeing a couple more places next week - she doesn't want to impose on us and thinks she'll be out of there soon.

I lived in a couple of places like this as a student. I remember sleeping on a chair in front of the door at one point so I'd be woken up if my disgusting landlord tried to get in.

I think asking if she wants to come and stay with you for a bit is a lovely idea.

poor young woman, she sounds like she's not been setup well to judge who's reliable particularly - she should find a new place and then find a new bf, her current one definitely sounds a loser too. The LL is obviously a creepy fw.

I don't be worried the LL would get a sense she's leaving and make his move. It's well known that abusive partners get more violent when the wife isn't making plans to get out. I'd still try very hard to get her to move out immediately.