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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a dangerous situation?

76 replies

anglicanreed · 19/07/2018 10:25

There's a young woman at work I'm fairly friendly with.

She's 22, has a b/f who lives in his own flat. She lives in a shared house with two male tenants and a male landlord.

Landlord is often abroad and she's made references into the past about being relieved when he's not around.

He's back long term for the summer now and she's basically told me that he's constantly going into her bedroom when she's not there, completely brazen about it, doesn't apologise just does it and claims whatever excuse (putting a lamp back, for example).

The thing is, she's just told me that he keeps walking into her room when he knows she's just got out of the shower.

Coming into her room at night to "check she's ok".

She's upset about it, spoke to her b/f about them moving in together (been together a couple of years) and he said no.

So now she's trapped with this man, who she is scared of.

She's asked him not to come into her room but he persists. She seems to think she's stuck with this situation?

It sounds dangerous to me?

OP posts:
Finallymorethananumber · 19/07/2018 11:10

Sounds like she is a lodger regardless of any 'tenancy' agreement. She had few rights but also fewer responsibilities. She needs to leave!

billybagpuss · 19/07/2018 11:10

She should also start a diary documenting when he comes in and get proof whenever possible of him entering unannounced.

BackToTheFuschia7 · 19/07/2018 11:13

I would advise her to forget the money and the contract and just get the hell out and into another lodging. Money isn’t more important than her safety, it sounds like he’s building up to assaulting her. The chances of him coming after her for the breech on contract is slim, if he shows any sign of aggression tell her to call the police who will also advise she moves out asap. Can you be with her while she packs her room up?

MrsMint · 19/07/2018 11:15

She needs to get out, if she's only 22 she could look for a student type house share with other girls perhaps? Does she have friends who she could share with until she finds somewhere more suitable? The deposit is an issue but her well being must come first.

Original poster
anglicanreed · 19/07/2018 11:16

I think I might ask her if she wants to come and stay with us for a bit, actually.

I hadn't realised quite how bad this was. She seems quite resigned to it. Her parents won't help, they are very wealthy apparently but she doesn't tell them anything about her life.

I'm wondering if she's tolerated this kind of thing before as she seems very resigned to it :(

And very resigned to the fact that her b/f won't help.

I'll speak to my DH and see if we can get her out of there.

"it sounds like he’s building up to assaulting her"

This is my worry, as well. It's like he keeps pushing boundaries and getting away with it. Testing the waters.

OP posts:
BlooperReel · 19/07/2018 11:17

OP you are lovely for letting her stay with you while she sorts somewhere else, tell her forget the money, its not worth her safety. You may well be saving her from a serious assault.

Tell her to ditch her shit boyfriend too!

Badgerthebodger · 19/07/2018 11:18

There’s really very little he can actually do if she “breaches the contract”. The absolute most would be to pursue her for unpaid rent through the small claims court but it’s not usually worth it. He sounds absolutely vile and if you can get her out of there it would be a very very good thing to do

Stephisaur · 19/07/2018 11:18

I was going to ask whether she could possibly stay with you for a bit, but I see you've had the same thought.

She definitely needs to get somewhere safe, I'm shocked that her bf wouldn't offer that protection to be honest!

Bibesia · 19/07/2018 11:20

Great that you're getting her out of there. She needs to contact CAB or Shelter about finances.

UpstartCrow · 19/07/2018 11:23

The Equality Act 2010 protects you from harassment by someone like a landlord or estate agent;

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/housing/discrimination-in-housing/what-are-the-different-types-of-discrimination-in-housing/discrimination-in-housing-harassment/

PatchworkGirl · 19/07/2018 11:26

If the landlord lives in the house then she's probably a lodger - not a tenant - with a lot more flexibility to move out. It's worth her checking which she is (it might no matter what the contract says). The MSE or Landlordzone forums usually have plenty of knowlegeable people who could help with this. Or tell her to speak to Shelter.

PatchworkGirl · 19/07/2018 11:28

Sorry - I see that I'm repeating others' advice - I didn't see the second page Blush

CaptainGT · 19/07/2018 11:28

She also needs to start taking notes of when it happens to demonstrate how often it is.

user1andonly · 19/07/2018 11:29

That poor girl!

Really hope you are able to help her out in the short term, OP, it would be such a kind thing to do. She needs to be out of there today if at all possible.

Her "boyfriend" is an absolute shit for not letting her move in for a few weeks while she gets herself sorted and safe. I hope, when the immediate landlord concern is over with, she will reconsider whether she wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't have her back Sad but that's for her to deal with in the future.

Her parents sound crap as well but possibly not aware of the seriousness. I know my dd would have been back home with me at the first sign of danger.

So glad she has you in her corner. Bless her.

Sarahjconnor · 19/07/2018 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nellieellie · 19/07/2018 11:33

As other posters have said, having a resident landlord means you have fewer rights. If you share facilities - bathroom, kitchen - you are a licensee, not a tenant. This will mean than in effect a landlord reserves possession of all parts of the house. However, I am surprised there are no locks on the doors. The only practical solution really is to leave. To cover herself against any money claimed by landlord, she needs to keep a log of all incidents, backdate it with all she can remember as well. Then, if he tries to sue in small claims for breach of contract, she will need to reply to any letter indicating that, by saying she will counterclaim for breach of implied term - that of harassment by entering her room repeatedly without warning and without any reasonable need to be there. She could indicate that the value of her claim will be excess of that claimed by him. Also, that such behaviour amounts on his part to a fundamental breach of the contract such that she is entitled to leave and is not liable for any rent for the remainder of the contract. He would be unlikely to pursue anything and no solicitor would advise him to - but she needs a detailed log as evidence.
Definitely phone Shelter. CAB s are not as good with landlord tenant stuff normally.

Trinity66 · 19/07/2018 11:37

I don't understand how she's "trapped" can she not just find a new houseshare?

Trinity66 · 19/07/2018 11:38

How long are her and her b/f together btw? He sounds like a dick not to even be concerned about her in a situation like that tbh

WhiteWalkerWife · 19/07/2018 11:42

Its great if she can stay with you. I would get her bags packed so she is good to go and text him a firm text to respect the privacy of her room and that she feels very uncomfortable when he enters without asking, especially as she's been in the shower.

It wont stop him but if he admits doing it then she has evidence. And check where her deposit in. A registered scheme would find in her favour if she can get evidence. If not registered then he is on shaky ground

MorrisIsClose · 19/07/2018 11:43

Is there a specific reason why she doesn't tell her parents about her life? Because I'd be devastated if I knew my child was adamant at being independent but suffering in silence with something like this. If they're wealthy they have the means to help her.

maxthemartian · 19/07/2018 11:46

I think it's lovely that you are considering having her to stay with you. It's sad that she seems so resigned to poor treatment from men, and can't go to her parents.

abilockhart · 19/07/2018 11:50

She seems quite resigned to it. Her parents won't help, they are very wealthy apparently but she doesn't tell them anything about her life.

I'm wondering if she's tolerated this kind of thing before as she seems very resigned to it sad

And very resigned to the fact that her b/f won't help.

It's very nice of you to help her out and allow her to move in.

However, it does sound like she is not putting in a lot of effort to help herself. Please, make sure she starts looking for another place immediately. Otherwise, you may have quite a job getting her to move out again.

HoleyCoMoley · 19/07/2018 11:52

Poor girl, she is lucky to have you as a friend. I would go round tonight, help her pack her bags, leave him a forwarding address and forget the money, if he wants to claim let him go to court. She should go to cab or shelter for their advice and to tell them he is a pest and she had to leave.

LEELULUMPKIN · 19/07/2018 11:55

If her getting out immediately is not an option for her, I would definitely advise her to get cctv in, at the very least her room.

It will be an essential piece of evidence whatever the outcome, ie: fighting tenancy agreements etc.

It will also allow her to see if and what he is doing when she isn't there, thus adding even more strength to the case.

Mrsharrison · 19/07/2018 12:06

I wonder if he's trying to force her out so he can move in one of his mates?
His behaviour just seems too blatant from a man who is sexually interested in her, as he knows she's not single.