A few months ago DH and I had a skype call with his Dad and Step mum which turned slightly heated. Long story short, there have been some NC with members of the family from DH and his step mum brought it up in front of our young children and continued to speak about it though we asked her to stop at is was not the time or place.
DH spoke to his dad a couple of weeks later and we all welcomed the idea to put everything behind us .
A few days ago, FIL and SMIL came to visit. We were feeling slightly apprehensive as we hadn't properly spoken since the heated skype call (apart from DH and FIL brief phone call). DH opened the door and was greeted by his dad (kiss and hug as usual) greeted me and walked through, his step mum greeted DH and as I leant out to greet her she looked at me, turned her head up and walked straight past me.
The whole visit felt awkward. We tried to keep conversation flowing as best we could. SMIL didn't remove her sunglasses until near the end of their visit and didn't touch any food I had laid out (she may have not been hungry which is fair enough!) What little conversation she had with me felt cold and disinterested. DH felt the same. It seemed she would rather be anywhere else but there.
As they got up to leave and we walked them to the door, I was quite a few steps behind, by the time I reached the front door SMIL had already left and half way down the drive. FIL kissed my cheek and said goodbye and as he left SMIL shouted "bye TheHerd".
DH said she kissed and hugged him goodbye.
DH was unhappy with how the visit went and how rude SMIL had been towards me (and him at times) in our own home.
He sent his dad a message saying..
'I thought we had all agreed we wanted this rattiness to stop between us. SMIL not greeting or saying goodbye to TheHerd properly was incredibly rude of her. It doesn't hurt to use some manners or be polite to someone even if you don't particularly like someone especially in their own home. We made time for you both and that is not how I want my wife to be treated.'
She replied back saying..
I must admit I was feeling apprehensive about meeting up after all that has happened but I came away feeling that today had gone pretty well. Obviously that is not how you see it and as I have no wish to upset anyone I think it is easier your Dad visits on his own in the future. I certainly did not mean to give the impression I was ignoring The Herd and I most certainly did call out goodbye, my mother brought me up to be polite to my hosts. I sincerely wish you, TheHerd and (childrens names) a long and happy life together.
So, are we being unreasonable not to reply to her? DH thinks she wants us to call her bluff. I find this behaviour exhausting as I cant begin to imagine not wanting to watch my future grandchildren grow up.
Honestly at times it has been a difficult relationship between the three of us DH, SMIL and me. SMIL has gone to her own health visitor about the way we raise our baby (attachment/co sleeping etc) and was one of the first things she mentioned as she visited one day. DH from the beginning has told me that other members of the family find DMIL difficult at times. I always have taken a step back until the skype call where I stood up for DH and some hard decisions he has made in his life regarding NC.
What to do...