Name changed for this, but regular poster.
My DD 18 has just left the house. Today has been the final straw for both of us in terms of her attitude and behaviour.
About 4 weeks ago (end of A Levels) she suddenly turned from a typical teenager/young adult, to a rude, ungrateful, spoilt girl.
For context, she has a part time job and I work full time. She takes home over £500 a month. She has no outgoings. I pay for: her monthly bus pass, mobile phone bill, and food. She pays no rent (have never asked). All I have asked is that she does her chore each day like her siblings (either empty dishwasher, tidy living room, or tidy bathrooms). That’s it.
For 4 weeks she’s either not done her chore, or been incredibly rude when I’ve asked her to do so.
She’s also been rude pretty much every time I try and talk with her. Every thing I say she gives a sarcastic response to, every time I ask her how her day has been she grunts and walks off, every time one of her siblings says hello she ignores them......the list goes on.
She’s going on holiday at the beginning of August. She’s known about this for 6 months. Her passport expired in April, and I kept telling her she needed to get a new form from the Post Office and get her photos done. She didn’t. I also told her she needs to help pay for it. I kept reminding her, but she did nothing. In the end, I got the forms, got them countersigned along with her photos and got her to fill it in. I took it to the Post Office to send, but she’d done it wrong (I did try and help, but she’s an adult now and could do it on her own apparently). I got new forms, got those signed, and gave her £50 towards it. She snatched it off me and went to her room - no thank you. She only sent it off yesterday. I’d be surprised if it comes back in time.
She was paid 2 weeks ago, and Sunday was moaning she has no money left for holiday. I’m not surprised, with the amount of clothes deliveries that arrive daily, along with takeaway orders. Stupidly I said she could come and work for me for a few days (she’s on the payroll). Monday she came in. Helped for a bit, then fell asleep for 2 hours because she felt ‘ill’. She did minimal work.
Yesterday she came in (despite me saying I didn’t need her). She proceeded to speak to me like crap in front of my staff, and moaned when I asked her to grab something from the sodding printer. It was embarrassing. I even took her to one side, and told her that if she was my employee I would have fired her by now.
Today, I get home from work. Ask her how her day was. First thing she says is that she brought Nando’s! I asked why if she has no money and she immediately started shouting at me telling me she’s an adult and can do what she likes.
I went to the supermarket to have a break, and she sends me a huge email telling me that I’m the worst mother in the world, I don’t respect her, I don’t care for her, and when I’m ready to apologise for my behaviour she will listen.
I returned (didn’t apologise) and she started shouting about when I treat her like my child, she will treat me like her mum.
She’s now packed her bags and gone to ‘live’ with the cool uncle.
I honestly can’t win. We have family time, she doesn’t want to come. We go out for lunch, nope, doesn’t want to go. I offer to go for a drive or walk to talk, nope, I’m being unreasonable expecting her to get dressed so quickly.
She has a good social life, she has friends (also lost some because she’s so opinionated), and enjoys her work.
I don’t understand why she’s suddenly changed. All I can think of is the fact that she’s stressing over her exams and Uni. Either that, or I’ve massively failed at parenting big time.
Gosh, sorry that’s so long! Any advice gratefully received!