Everything with DP is a competition - even down to how little sleep he's had...

[ICouldNot]

It does my head in. I'm so tired because I'm 6 months pregnant, deal with him snoring all night and have some pretty bad insomnia. I lay awake for hours listening to him snore, he is ASLEEP. I text him from work today to say I nearly fell asleep at my desk because I was so tired. He doesn't listen to me. He just sends me a text back telling me how tired HE is and how he was up early etc. It does my head in. It's like this with everything. The sleep thing is what's bothering me today though. I'm exhausted and try to tell him this but it just goes back to him and how tired he is.

AIBU to want a tiny bit of sympathy sometimes as opposed to always counteracting what I say with a one-up? I am not a sympathy or attention seeker but it's nice occasionally to know that he cares.

I know. I sound ridiculous. I'm just so exhausted.

My DH does exactly this, I made him download a sleep app on his phone to show him how long he’d been asleep!

Get another bed set up in the spare room. Bliss.

@BigPinkBall I'm downloading one now that records when you trigger it with noise. I'm hoping it'll be sensitive enough to pick up his snoring from my side of the bed...

@TellsEveryoneRealFacts if only we had a spare room to set up a bed in...

I could have written your OP. My DP does this every single night, it's infuriating!

Competitive tiredness is a no go when you have a child. You have to ban it. Just accept that you're both tired and never discuss it!

Omg are we married to the same man?? The lying cheating bastard!

It's fucking infuriating!!!

When my partner snores ( usually after a few glasses of whisky) I kick him out of the bed & insist he sleeps downstairs. We have a foldable ‘z bed’ complete with pillow & blanket it a box under the bed for this reason. Kick him out OP!

greenglass he would have to sleep on the sofa forever!

I can't be ill without mine telling me that he's got a headache or a twinge or whatnot as well. Quite amusing to see gim struggle to come up with something when it's PMT symptoms that are the issue!

If he's snoring it could be sleep apnea. My hubby has this and was constantly exhausted and dropping off. Even during the day. He banged on about how tired he was even though I hadn't been able to sleep a wink due to the snoring. We installed an app that records the night sounds and decibels and he went to the Dr. He now has a cpap machine and sleeps much better (as do I!!!) Get him to go to the Dr asap before you lose it!! The balls in his court!

DH and I definitely fell into the competitive tiredness trap when our first baby came along. We're currently expecting no 2 so our peace is soon to be shattered again and we've promised each other we're not going down that road of arguing about who's more tired again. I'd have a conversation about this before baby comes if I were you.

Is he generally a two shuts kind of guy or is it just about the tired?

We seem to compete over lack of sleep, who has the crappest job, who is more ill, who is the most stressed... I thought that was normal married life!

Shits not shut

He doesn't have sleep apnea. He just drinks too much coffee, is on his phone before bed and binge watches tv before going to sleep. There's a lot he can do to help but he isn't that arsed.

@CanIBuffalo he is competitive about everything. When I mention my car needing a clean, being hungry, being tired, everything...

Dh did this even before DS came along. He is always more tired, works harder, does more house work, feels more ill than me etc. All the bloody time! Even after I was in hospital for 4 days after having ds and having not slept at all, he was apparently more tired than I was! He got to go home every sodding night and have a full nights sleep!! Aggghhhh

Yes! I am not alone! When I was 37 weeks pregnant my DH got a cold, & dripped about the house / slept all day expecting sympathy, while I ran around after our 3yo, WHILE I WAS 37 WEEKS PREGNANT FFS! Now our LO is a baby & I breastfeed him at night, he claims that it's just as bad for him because he wakes up every time I get up. I CAN HEAR YOU ROLL STRAIGHT OVER & START SNORING!! As you can tell it gives me the proper rage! Feel your pain!

My husband does this too and it drives me fucking nuts. With sleep and everything else...eg if I had a sore throat he would bring up the sore throat he had six months ago!

I pulled him up on it and he didn’t really realise he was doing it, thought he was empathising by saying he was feeling the same. I told him it seriously got on my tits and he’s stopped! Maybe your DH the same?

Yes he has to be told straight. It's deeply irritating even if it comes from a good place.

It's a very common problem. I would say me and 90% of my female friends have exactly the same issue with their husbands. It sucks.

I had a friend who was like that. It was exhausting and she would compete from everything, even illness.

We arent friends anymore because I just go so fed up with everything being a competition.

My DH does this too - drives me mad. Worst example to me was when I was literally on my knees with the pain of my first trigeminal neuralgia attack, complaining that his face was sore.

Worst overall was sitting with two cancer patients, both in remission at that time but one post bone-marrow transplant so very low immune system - and complaining about a cold. I mean, really complaining. He got chucked out.