Everything with DP is a competition - even down to how little sleep he's had...

[ICouldNot]

It does my head in. I'm so tired because I'm 6 months pregnant, deal with him snoring all night and have some pretty bad insomnia. I lay awake for hours listening to him snore, he is ASLEEP. I text him from work today to say I nearly fell asleep at my desk because I was so tired. He doesn't listen to me. He just sends me a text back telling me how tired HE is and how he was up early etc. It does my head in. It's like this with everything. The sleep thing is what's bothering me today though. I'm exhausted and try to tell him this but it just goes back to him and how tired he is.

AIBU to want a tiny bit of sympathy sometimes as opposed to always counteracting what I say with a one-up? I am not a sympathy or attention seeker but it's nice occasionally to know that he cares.

I know. I sound ridiculous. I'm just so exhausted.

Oh wow @DeathByMascara - my friend has TN. I've seen her in the midst of it, I completely empathise and cannot imagine seeing anyone in worse pain

@PaulRuddislush it's bloody annoying! He even compared his piles (that he has from poor diet!) to mine!! I mean just let me have something!!! I swear if I talked about baby keeping me awake through kicking he would have an answer to counter it!

I feel your pain OP. Why do they do this WHY?

No matter what I complain about, my husband always has something similar (or worse!) And rarely does a week go by without him complaining about SOME pain or suffering he is going through.

And every other month, he develops a new ailment. Despite many visits to the docs, and various specialists, and having many tests (at clinics and hospitals and so on,) they have never found anything wrong with him

And when we go to stay in a hotel or guest house, we have separate rooms, coz he snores something awful, and every single time we go anywhere, my room is ALWAYS better than his, and his room is SHIT. 🙄 He finds fault after fault with it, it's always more noisy, it smells funny, it's too cold, it's too hot blah blah blah.

I say 'let's switch rooms then!' 'Oh no no no I may as well stay here now....' he says ( passive-aggressive martyr alert. )

Like I said WHY? Why do they do it? Is it an attention seeking thing? Do the not like someone else being more 'ill' than them? Or in more discomfort???

I do love him, and we have a good marriage, but this side of him pisses me off!

Not gonna lie, I feel better knowing many men are the same.

You have my sympathy @Icouldnot and congrats on your pregnancy!!!

I remember having mastitis and he started rubbing his moobs with a wincing look on his face. I nearly stabbed him 😎

I think 99.9% of husbands are like this. Mine certainly is.

Oh he's not my husband and I'm not ever planning on that 🤣

Slightly off topic, there is a condition where people fall asleep but misperceive the 'middle of the night wakings' when you wake for a few seconds, roll over then fall asleep again, as lasting much much longer than they do (ie, thinking five minutes is an hour, etc). My OH had this. He might still have it, but he's fucking shut up about it since the day he sat up after a straight eight hours snoring (during which I got NO sleep) and told me he'd been 'tossing and turning all night.' My reply was such that he hasn't dare make that assertion again.

Ok OP, please tell me you have everything in joint names....

ICouldNot

• Serious and potentially boring bit here

If you are not planning on getting married I assume you are the higher earner / have sufficient income / are appropriately legally protected.

@WidoWanky not relevant to the thread at all!

I think 99.9% of husbands are like this

Good lord, mine must be in the 0.1% then. He’d be under the patio if he was like this.

My OH is the same - if I have an elephant, he has a box to put it in!

I CAN HEAR YOU ROLL STRAIGHT OVER & START SNORING!!

My husband even has an answer for that one. He claims that the sleep you get when you are snoring isn't proper sleep, therefore if I've heard him snoring it's proof he got less sleep than me .

(I can't help but wish MNHQ had a standard post they trotted out whenever a poster reveals they're having children with someone they're not married to, like they do with people who are depressed etc. It would be really useful to have all the relevant info in one place so we could just pop it in front of the OP and then all move on.)

ANYWAY seriously OP, you must ban all competitive tiredness talk before the baby arrives. From you and him. You will both be beyond knackered. Sometimes it will be worse for you, sometimes for him. It will all balance out in the end.

My DH isn't usually like that but it describes MIL to a T. Whenever someone has something wrong, she'll have had it ten times worse. I swear if someone told her their leg fell off, her reply would be "Oh you don't know how lucky you are. I have it much harder now because BOTH of mine fell off"

Try being direct with him. Say "when I tell you I'm tired, all I want you to say is I'm sorry, that must be hard and give me a hug. Can I ask you to do this for me?"

Also, if his diet is shit, he maintains poor pre-bed habits, is on his phone a lot and has a shit sleep, that is ALL HIS FAULT. It impacts you and it's not fair on you. You are growing a baby, he needs to take responsibility for his health.

Try something along these lines: "I need you to think more deeply about your health. We are about to enter the hardest phase of our lives and better health will help us deal with it more easily. Can I tell you what I have observed about your habits? Will you do more to help yourself?"

@ICouldNot

www.boots.com/snoreeze-snoring-relief-oral-device-10217887

If he won't wear it for you then you can use the snoring is bad for his health angle and doesn't he want to be healthy with a baby on the way? Then try a sad face.

I wash my husband's snoring device with water and toothpaste every night and put it on his bedside cabinet so he never has an excuse not to wear it. Don't wash it with soap. Toothpaste is better and makes it nice and minty, with soap it will taste like soap or so I'm told.

Be sure to replace it every 6-9 months.