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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School Reports IABU

49 replies

SheilaBirling · 18/07/2018 18:07

Daughter is upper end of Primary. Really, really quiet. V well behaved. Excellent attendance. Expected in everything. But "very good" instead of excellent, despite being told that she always works as hard as possible. Sick of reading about "glowing reports". Why can't my daughter have a flipping glowing one for once? She is intelligent, conscientious but quiet.

OP posts:
kitkatsky · 18/07/2018 18:09

I think v good in everything, well behaved and excellent attendance is a glowing report. Do the comments not suggest what she needs to do to improve further? Eg you said she's quiet- maybe to be excellent in English she needs to speak up more?

Sirzy · 18/07/2018 18:09

To be honest I can’t have too much sympathy for someone Upset at ‘only’ being described as very good!

INeedMoreCakeInMyLife · 18/07/2018 18:11

What I'd classed as a glowing report.
My DS used to do well but behavior let him down occasionally. But if was doing very well, I'd call that glowing in my eyes. It depends on the child.

RavenWings · 18/07/2018 18:11

Then maybe she isn't achieving what it takes to get excellent. Some kids are like that - great effort but they may not get the very highest results. There's nothing at all wrong with that either. The teacher is just giving an honest reflection of their performance, it's not a personal slight. Sounds like she got a very good report as it is.

happinessiseggshaped · 18/07/2018 18:11

There is such a thing as too quiet. I failed an English GCSE assessment as I didn't speak enough. If she lacks confidence then Very Good might be more appropriate than Excellent.

WarPigeon · 18/07/2018 18:24

That is a good report! When the report says “Timmy is quite a character” then you need to worry, what we are trying to tell you is “your child is the spawn of fucking Satan”

donquixotedelamancha · 18/07/2018 18:25

Really, really quiet

That'll be it. You can't really be outstanding if you won't stand out. One of my biggest challenges when teaching very able kids to is to teach some to be willing to: make mistakes, try stuff without a 'right' answer and be bolshy asking for (necessary) help. Lots of nearly excellent kids do everything you ask, but no more.

ZenNudist · 18/07/2018 18:30

Dont be the parent focusing on the negative. I say this as someone who nearly went into school today to ask why ds had good rather than excellent in a couple of categories. I did it last year and teacher was confused why i was there when he had great report and i wanted to know how he could improve. This year we are just saying well done to him and chilling out until September -when i might get tutor assessment to check hes on track-

Hellohah · 18/07/2018 18:30

I would take what other people describe as a "glowing report" with a pinch of salt. It probably isn't glowing by any stretch of the imagination.
Last year I went to parents evening (albeit at High School), saw all DS's teachers, asked is he doing ok? Is he happy? Yes, yes. Came home and other Mum's posting all over Facebook saying "Teachers all said DS/DD will get all A's at GCSE."
It was, in case you were wondering ... A load of rubbish!
Not a single teacher spoke to me about GCSE's, and in fact this year we had reports which now tell us target grades and working towards grades and guess what? Not a single one of those kids now predicted or working towards all A's.

ZenNudist · 18/07/2018 18:31

Strikeout fail-

Nodancingshoes · 18/07/2018 18:35

That sounds pretty glowing - very good is... Very good!! My ds2 struggles at school and is below average at most subjects. He does, however, try hard and got good throughout for effort. To me, that is a glowing report! Xx

Original poster
SheilaBirling · 18/07/2018 21:16

I know that very good is very good. She can't help her personality! I

OP posts:
kitkatsky · 18/07/2018 21:20

Nobody is asking her to adjust her personality, but if her teacher/ exam board/ curriculm's definition of excellence is being vocal/ asking questions each lesson etc... then she's not excellent: her personality might not be to put herself out there and if she's doing non verbal/ presentation GCSEs then no probs, but don't forget that they're measuring all kids by same yardstick, personality or not. You're taking all this way too personally

VickyEadie · 18/07/2018 21:24

I remember cringing with embarrassment when at the end of J1 (Y3 in modern terms) my mother stomped into school to demand to know why I'd 'only' come 2nd (out of a top class of 40, in a year group of 70). This was the 60s - placing children in terms of position in class was a 'thing' then.

I knew, aged only 8, that marking, etc was not rocket science...

CasperGutman · 18/07/2018 21:25

Some children can't help being well below average across the board. Your daughter is lucky to be capable of achieving "very good" through her hard work. You need to show her you value her achievements. Not all prizes in academia are achievable by working harder.

Isleepinahedgefund · 18/07/2018 21:31

Glowing is in the eye of the beholder.... sounds glowing to me. She is “very good”. Very good is... very good!

Do you express your disappointment to your daughter? I hope not. She’s done very well. She’s tried her best and done very well.

ShawshanksRedemption · 18/07/2018 21:31

Perhaps you should define what you class as a "glowing report" @SheilaBirling ? All sounds pretty good and glowing to me!

Are you frustrated over the quiet bit? Do you wish she spoke up more?

achoocashew · 18/07/2018 21:32

If she can't help her personality why are you expecting her to change? You should be praising her to the skies if she has a very good school report. Honestly, some people. I hope you tell her you are proud of her instead of moaning why isn't she excellent!

RoboJesus · 18/07/2018 21:32

You're upset over the wording they used? But it was all positive and good? Why?

Katri0na · 18/07/2018 21:32

Of course you want the best for your child. It may be that she is "only" very good because she is quiet and conscientious. She doesn't shine enough to have a glowing report.

Does she have activities out of school that would help her get out of her shelf?

She is only in Primary, she has years to be able to shine. She might just need to find the right area where she will excel. Being a very good all rounder is a great start.

Lougle · 18/07/2018 21:39

Please let her be 'very good'. I'll never forget telling my Mum that I got 95% in a maths test and her replying "where did the other 5% go?" She meant nothing by it, and just always expected me to get 100%, because I always did, but I'd just gone up to secondary school, and the curriculum had stepped up, but I was so deflated and it has always stayed with me.

Glumglowworm · 18/07/2018 21:47

It sounds like she does have a glowing report!

I suspect as PP said that to get excellent she would need to contribute to class discussions and share ideas when working in groups, for example. I get that it’s hard for her. But most kids have something they find hard!

cadburyegg · 18/07/2018 21:50

YABU.

SassitudeandSparkle · 18/07/2018 21:54

Well I don't think they have to be top of everything to have a glowing report for a start! Very good counts as glowing to me!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/07/2018 21:55

Don't be that mother who's never happy.

Your DD got an excellent report and for that you should be glad.