School Reports IABU

[SheilaBirling]

Daughter is upper end of Primary. Really, really quiet. V well behaved. Excellent attendance. Expected in everything. But "very good" instead of excellent, despite being told that she always works as hard as possible. Sick of reading about "glowing reports". Why can't my daughter have a flipping glowing one for once? She is intelligent, conscientious but quiet.

Nothing wrong with being an introvert. One of my children always gets reports saying they could speak up more in class. Well, they could, but they don't have that personality. Teachers are generally extroverts - they are used to speaking in front of people - they think it's an admirable quality. But you can participate in class and get lots from it without speaking up.

Well done to your DD!

I think they're probably pretty well generic. We are told that we can't write anything negative without phrasing it diplomatically.

YABVU my child is intelligent but dyslexic and puts lots of effort in but is unlikely to get a report like that

Pressed too soon, it is an excellent report, please be pleased for your daughter

i heard a talk on self-esteem vs self-compassion the other day. the premise being that self-esteem hinges on being better than average. which, statistically speaking, leaves a lot of people hanging. i'm finding not better than average enough a tough sell in terms of being a proud parent.

go your dd \o/

This sort of thing makes me want to scream. I opened my son's report and cried, like I do every year. He's lower than expected in every area. He tries his absolute hardest every day and I do loads with him at home but he just can't do it. I'd kill for a "very good" report!

(((wannabe)))

Yes please be pleased, she’s done really well. I had the mother who was never happy. 8As and a B in my GCSEs and the reaction was ‘what was the B in? oh you never were that good at Chemistry’ . Still hurts and I’m 43!

Op please take reports for what they are . My Ds has a very good report because it has omitted his behaviour and just posted his academic achievements which are very good.

I would also add. The people often I see posting on fb about how proud they are are the ones the children and parents talk about.

YABU DS(13) is profoundly dyslexic. Excellent behaviour and tries so hard but would never get "very good" as he can barely read and is well behind his peers in every subject. Imagine how crushing that has been for him. I have been his champion for the last 8 years of his school life, I can't tell you how many meetings I've had with his schools as well as the educational psychologist, how many times I've had to push for more support, the hundreds of emails I must have sent. He has never been able to do his homework independently and now that GCSEs are approaching, I will have to support him at home with this as well. Not to mention having to work with him on his self-esteem and anxiety issues stemming from his hatred of school.

And you're disappointed with "very good"? Count your blessings.

Sounds like a glowing report to me! Working hard (or as hard as she can) doesn’t always mean she will be excellent, though. Some children will probably be working as hard as they can and still not achieve average scores. In that case, it would be fair to mark their effort as excellent, but not their achievement. Putting it like that sounds awful. Poor kids :( I think you’re picking up on something very minor and missing the fact that her report is brilliant. The ‘glowing’ reports that other parents are talking about might be exactly the same as what you are seeing, but their definition of a glowing report is different to yours.

Teachers are not “generally extroverts” - plenty are but I know lots and lots of quiet, introverted teachers who nevertheless promote class discussion and participation precisely because they know from experience how useful it is to develop those skills by pushing yourself out of the comfort zone and sometimes doing stuff that doesn’t come naturally.

As a teacher, I would say regarding the not being quiet thing, is not a change of personality, but sometimes having the confidence to pop her hand up to answer a question, or ask a question etc.

I have some fantastic able students, who I know know the answers but will never volunteer an answer, I have lots of tactics to mitigate this but would love it if they gave the others a run for their money sometimes!

It's not a personality change but just helping them have a bit more confidence in themselves.

Dd3 got expected for everything. Academically she's average but her attitude to learning and determination mean she'll achieve anything she sets her mind to.

I could focus on her only being on expected when dd1 is well above average across the board but despite that she lacks confidence her sister oozes. Every child is unique so focus on good for them and where they need to work on. All of us can improve and keep learning whatever our age.

I also what to echo what others have already said, please be happy with this report and tell your daughter how proud you are. My mum would also say about the 5% if I got 95%, I'm still very aware that I have never been good enough.

She is very young, so it doesn't matter so much at that age, but an "excellent" report and a "very good" one can open very different doors. It does matter.

Any parent want their child not only to do well, but also to be recognised. If you know your child works really hard consistently, you do feel a bit sad they can't achieve the top level.

A friend was taught A'level Maths by his Dad who was a teacher at the friend's school. He scored 99% in his Maths mocks. His Dad wrote on his report which was basically to be read by the Ds, himself and Dm, 'Room for improvement'. Your Dd sounds like she is doing brilliantly and just keep supporting her education

I think you’re being a bit unreasonable about the glowing stuff. Do you mean “excellent, top of the class” report?

The rest, I’m with you. I personally don’t think it has anything to do with being quiet. I think, that to get excellent, she has to exceed all expectations that SHE (is you) has of herself. Not the standard/average/ one size fits all benchmark. She needs to do better than she has been, otherwise she’s letting herself down.

Also, I hate hate hate the “works so hard” line. It really doesn’t matter how hard you work, the end result is what matters. I worked my area off for Physics and Chemistry - scraped an A in one of them, B in the other (the only B I ever got throughout my education). Tbh, I think that B said more about the standard of testing back then than my abilities! Languages on the other hand, I literally never did any homework and aced all my exams. I care about the effort my children make because it’s reflective of character. But it has little to do with results.

Your DD might need to quietly, behind the scenes, go about pushing herself beyond her current level of achievement to get the kind of report you want. Not for me to say whether that’s worthwhile.

I think you are getting a bit of a harsh response here op. I get where you’re coming from. My dc has had a completely average report both in effort & attainment. Reading the comments it’s clear there isn’t one single thing that the teacher has noticed they have particularly enjoyed or excelled at over the year. All comments could easily be applied to any student, e.g. having had particularly enjoyed outings & sports day... really?! Find me a child who didn’t enjoy the days out & if the teacher knew dc at all the sports day would certainly not be at top of list of things they have enjoyed. My dc is also quiet & I think that’s why. Unfortunately they don’t see the bloody awesomeness of them that I see )

Its all to do with what you consider glowing and your expectations. There is nothing wrong with meeting expectations - most people do as another poster said the constant need to be better than average means most people are disappointed as most people make up the average

And i have to agree with plumsofwrath working hard is admirable and a really good thing but it doesnt mean you are creating excellent work

I think you are over estimating what others see as glowing. Also a lot of people do not see a generic line as one.

For most people 'glowing' is working hard, doing ok results wise and not causing trouble in class.

I would also add - do not be like my husband's parents, who when he phoned to say he had a 2:1 for his degree said "not a first then..." In my husband's words - "nothing was ever good enough"

The same parent said to my dyslexic son who won a prize for effort in English and achievement in Drama, "not maths then, I thought you were good at Maths". It took my full strength not to say something I might regret