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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband blaming me for stuff our toddler does AIBU?

80 replies

TheDailyMailisTrumpCock · 18/07/2018 16:51

Our 18 month old DS is a menace. He’s into everything, climbing, switches, buttons, dirt, mud, toothpaste, keys... you get the idea. I’ve had to nail everything down and toddler-proof as much of the house as I can. Turn the oven and the dishwasher off at the mains switch on the wall every time, to stop him fiddling with them, that kind of thing.

I’m a SAHM and have other children at home too. Toddler DS is by no means allowed to just roam freely around the house, but there are small windows of opportunity when I’m in the loo, or making lunch, or hanging out the washing, when I don’t have eyes on him the whole time.

He’s done minor damage to some of our furniture in the past and the other day, he scratched the shiny surface of a particular bit of furniture that DH especially likes and was quite expensive.

DH is blaming me for not being able to ‘control’ DS. DH maintains that the children never misbehave with him and that DS would never do something like that on ‘his watch’ because DS is scared of the bollocking he’d get from DH. I’ve argued with DH in the past about how harsh I think he is with the DCs. Wrenching their arms by frog marching them and smacking hands away too hard imo.

He thinks if I was as much of a disciplinarian as he is then DS wouldn’t fuck up furniture.

I think that the damage wasn’t that bad and that his sort of thing is par for the course when you have a boisterous 18 month old. Everyone knows you don’t have lovely, expensive things when you have small DCs for exactly this reason.

Now DH is all in a huff with me because he thinks I ‘let’ DS damage the furniture. I think he’s being an arse. AIBU?

OP posts:
Jux · 19/07/2018 13:41

My dh has a collapsible Victorian stand (several shelves) on which he kept some pottery/crockery which had come down several generations of his family, and which he was very proud. When dd was learning to stand and wobble, I told him it would be a good idea to pack it all away. He refused and insisted I had to watch her and it was my responsibility to ensure she didn't touch it. I asked about loo breaks, answering the door, etc but no it would be my fault if she touched anything on my watch (I actually never got a break of more than half an hour except when I was at work).

The inevitable happened, actually when he had been with her while I was in the kitchen. The first I knew was that he was screaming at her with his hand raised and she was crying hysterically. I picked her up and took her away. Not far enough, tbh. I should have run out of the house with her and never gone back.

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 19/07/2018 13:45

This habitually suggested notion that you need to need to leave dh home alone with the kids is really misplaced
So it’s recommended you go away(where?) and suddenly your dh will step up
In your absence He’ll become empathic,sensitive,and appropriate to his kids
Just like that..hmm.so a man with no substantive childcare experience will suddenly acquire understanding.
The act loading the wmch, making lunch,changing nappy will transform him
People can and do change,people have a propensity to learn new tasks,modify behaviour. If they want to,and it takes time & a commitment . I’d suggest you work in a partnership and gradually increase his involvement with his kids
Openly discuss parenting style, and what your consistent approach will be

BillywigSting · 19/07/2018 13:50

I would much rather have a piece of scratched furniture than a son who was afraid of me.

Your husband sounds awful, sorry op.

piknmixer · 19/07/2018 14:02

What do you guys think I should do? Asking honestly, not defensively

Tell him in no uncertain terms that if he continues to treat the kids like that he will be out of the door.

If you've already had that talk and he's still treating them like this, LTB.

NordicNobody · 19/07/2018 14:48

Oh @Jux, there's still time. Pick up your daughter and run far away and never go back to that arsehole. Please don't live like that 😔

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