to be upset about the way the teacher's end of term present was given to her this morning!

[Lemonsmakelemonade]

My daughter has really thrived at school this year thanks the tough love and nurturing (with some strictness thrown in ) of her class teacher.
I normally volunteer to do the class collection with a couple of other mums but this year are children were in different classes. So another mum, who actually got offended when I did the class collection at Christmas volunteers to do the end of term one, she offered at least a month ago so quite early. Was pleased because I didn't want to be the default parent. Anyway this morning (term does not end until next Tuesday) I was dropped my daughter off and this mum comes up behind me, almost shoves me out the way and gives the teacher a card. Doesn't say what it is, goes on about it 'having to be done today because her (mum's) dad is ill'. As she's walking away a dad runs up to her says 'I hear you're doing the class collection here's some money'. This mum then goes up the teacher asks for the card back. Now the card - first of all it was small card - doubt all the children's names are in it.... I ask the mum as we are going out of the playground 'was that the class collection'. Apparently it was. No flowers or chocolates or even letting the kids give it to the teacher and the TA. I am still seething about this, I'm not some 'virtue signaller' I am someone who really really enjoys doing this for the teachers at the school. I know it's their job but dealing with children is a skill and a vocation.. Now I've messaged the mum and asked if she needs any help (having heard her talk about her dad). This mum will do all the collections but apparently does just shove cash in an envelope and give it to the teacher; just that my children haven't been in her class. I think I might just buy some flowers and chocolates anyway for next week... Why I am so upset about this? Not like I can do anything..

Nobody needs these mum's to be wound up. Stick their kid in a state primary and watch em go.

It sounds like you're upset because you felt pushed out when you didn't get to organise it and now you feel you could have done a better job. And probably you could have . . . but you seem to be ignoring that the other mum has an ill dad which presumably was unforseen and obviously took precedence over a teacher's present.
I'm cringing a bit that you're obviously 'seething' and upset but are pretending to be nice by messaging the mum about her dad. imo if your concern about her dad was genuine, you wouldn't be so upset about a class collection.

Sounds familiar to what happened in my dc's class. A bunch of flowers was bought for the teacher from the class for a celebration for her. We all agreed that two children would carry it in and hand it to her. One mother offered to buy flowers. Practically jumped there and then to get them. Not sure why so eager.
But anyway, she handed them to the teacher herself and the children never got to do it.
I'm not even sure that she said they were from the class. I thought it was pathetic and when she told us that she'd given them herself, it was as if she was doing us all a massive favour.
More like she was trying to gain favour from the teacher!
Worst part is none of us pulled heee up on it as she is kind of alpha PA mum and no one would want to get on her wrong side.

I’d be really unhappy if I had contributed to a group gift that turned out to be the collected cash shoved in an envelope.

Parents are trying to say thank you with a little gift, throwing some cash in an envelop seems like a tip, it's rude and unpleasant for everyone involved. Why bother if you don't want to do it?

I’m a teacher and I greatly appreciate being given a gift, regardless of what it is. I like all the mugs I’ve been given over the years and I know who gave me them all. I love being given chocolates, I sit in bed and eat them on the first day of my holiday.
Cards are lovely too though I’ve only kept a couple in 27 years.
One somewhat challenging pupil practically threw a plastic soap dish at me, that she’d bought herself as she noticed that I washed my hands a lot in class! I really loved that and I still have it.

@JJS88 my children are in a state primary, and I have a very rewarding career outside the home which I have worked bloody hard to construct in a way that ensures I can also be involved helpfully at their school.

This is nothing about validation for me and all about ensuring that my children have the best experience they can at school.

If other people don't want to/can't be involved, then that's up to them but they need to shut up and stop criticising those of us who choose another way, particularly when their little darlings also get the benefit of what we do.

I think the teacher may have been offended receiving cash (that possibly included coins!) My DC's school sometimes has a collection- which is a good idea so the teacher gets a large voucher rather than lots of teacher-related gifts. However, I did my own gift last time as sometimes the money is wasted on silly things. For example, £100 was collected. The teacher got a £60 voucher, £10 worth of flowers (lovely), £10 tacky best teacher key ring (who is going to use that) and £10 chocolate from Thornton's. Would be better £90 voucher and flowers.

The mother probably was upset about her dad but could have got someone else to step in.

What's with the hate for the class collections. So much easier. And everyone gets a gift. Teacher, Teaching Assistant, PGCE student and it covers large cards etc. Our school had an all kids sign the card but no CF parents and all were happy to chip in a fiver.

Sounds a bit badly handled, if she was stressed out she should have handed it over.

This a perfect opportunity OP to give a thoughtful present to your teacher and show that other mum up. You could even get you children to give it to the teacher at home time

Class collections are shitty. There's nothing personal and nothing thoughtful about it.

So yanbu to be upset about it but yabu to have agreed to a collection in the first place.

show that other mum up

That's the spirit!

This a perfect opportunity OP to give a thoughtful present to your teacher and show that other mum up. You could even get you children to give it to the teacher at home time

Yeah, screw her and her ill dad.
I have never based any decision I've ever made upon the prospect of "showing someone up". What a poisonous attitude.

Class collections are shitty. There's nothing personal and nothing thoughtful about it.

I disagree, it is thoughtful to try to get them something they actually enjoy.
Unless you are friend with the teacher, you don't know them enough to buy the right gift. Look at the threads about wedding gifts and people's idea of a "thoughtful personal gift" which will likely end up in the bin!

Class collections also allow parents with not much cash to contribute and only give a pound or 2 if that's all they have, whist others can put a lot more.

A thank you card from the child to go with the gift is enough for the personal touch.

Ok, you’re upset because you wanted to do it and would have handled it differently.
Just do your own thing?

£5 per child, in a class of 30 is £150. What on earth are you buying a teacher that costs £150? Different schools and different LAs will have different rules but at that level I would expect the teacher to have to declare it to the Head as a minimum. I’m glad our school has banned class collections.

I appreciated every single thing I was given as a teacher. But the things I have kept and treasured most were hand written cards, drawings, things that meant something. One pair of siblings once bought me a beautiful Le Crueset baking dish as they knew I loved cooking. It must have been worth a lot of money. I had to check I was allowed to accept it - of course I loved and appreciated it but it also made me very uncomfortable.
It can be seen as bribery!

From mulling over heard on the playground afternoon tea is what one year group are giving their teachers... the same year group did the same present for their teachers last year... They have also moaned that this year not as many parents have joined in and people are putting in extra to top it up some parents have even been asked in the playground if they are donating or not. Minimum £5, the collection organiser writes the names of the children who have donated into the card.

Higher up the school parents seem to of realised nobody wants a class collection and us parents just get on with doing what we want regarding gifts and cards. It’s the reception/yr1/yr2 that seem to do the class thing.

We did a collection where anyone could donate anything. So you could donate 10pand still have your name and message on the card. It's ridiculous to demand an amount not everyone afford. We then got vouchers for John Lewis I think. Some people did individual gifts too.