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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be upset about what 3yo has said

53 replies

happymommaof2 · 18/07/2018 12:23

DS, 3 years old was picked up from Nursery by his dad's gf last night. She has text me this morning to say he called her a fat fuck in the car when she picked him up! I am absolutely gutted. I am 100% certain he has not heard it at my house and 98% certain he hasn't heard it at his dads. She said he was really upset about getting in trouble and it was clear he had no idea what he was saying.

Just the thought of those horrible words coming out of his little mouth - the best insult he can normally muster is "I'm not your best friend!"

I have phoned nursery to make them aware, I really don't want them to think he is that kind of child :(

OP posts:
RedSkyLastNight · 18/07/2018 12:28

Every 3 year old is the kind of child that repeats things they have overheard without necessarily understanding what they mean.

He'll say much worse in the years to come .... really not worth getting upset about it, and I imagine nursery are a bit bemused by your phone call.

Original poster
happymommaof2 · 18/07/2018 12:33

I phoned nursery because he came out of their setting and said it and I have assumed he has heard somebody (another child) saying it - I think they need to be aware of what the pre-school children are potentially discussing and also, if he said it again I want them to know he's not the "ring leader". She wasn't bemused in the slightest and thanked me for letting her know so that her staff could listen out for anything.

OP posts:
HonkyWonkWoman · 18/07/2018 12:39

It's upsetting happy but it happens. Some poor kids hear bad language at home from parents or older siblings.
Little ones pick it up as you've now seen. I don't blame you at all re. phoning the nursery, they can then, as they said, listen out for whoever is saying rude words a lot and tell them that it's a naughty word.
That's all we've ever done. Just tell your child not to say "that word" as it's a naughty word.

Original poster
happymommaof2 · 18/07/2018 12:43

Thanks Honky - I know it happens it was just the shock of reading the text and the thought of my lovely little 3 year old saying something like that - what a strange feeling that was! Ex's gf said she told him off and he said sorry and she could tell he was shocked that he was in trouble, I feel so sorry for him, he thought he was being funny!

OP posts:
Lunde · 18/07/2018 12:44

At 3 kids often pick up stuff and repeat then without having any real clue what they mean (other than getting a reaction). Good to let nursery know.

I remember when DD1 (who also has asd) started using insults heard at nursery in another language to the one we speak at home. Started calling me (direct translation) "poo sausage". I just said "hmm - what does that mean?" and she had no clue!

CAAKE · 18/07/2018 12:45

Could he have been saying "truck" or something else?

CAAKE · 18/07/2018 12:46

Posted too early - meant to add that my ds used to call his fork a fuck and he still says he's wearing a t-shit. Could be she's not used to his little words?

wink1970 · 18/07/2018 12:47

on the plus side OP, you clearly have a productive relationship with the ex's girlfriend. How nice that she thought she could talk to you about it, and that you reacted so well. Cake for you both as we can see on here that this is not the norm!!

Madforfootball · 18/07/2018 12:49

Can I just say, OP, that you seem to have a lovely relationship with your ex's gf. The fact that she told him off, told you she told him off and you haven't moaned that she wasn't out of order for disciplining him is lovely. I've seen other threads where the only AIBU here would have been you wanting to go and rip her head off for doing so.

PickleJuice · 18/07/2018 12:51

I was going to say similar to CAAKE. Are you sure that's actually what he was saying. My 3 year old says a few different things that sound like fuck.

Singlenotsingle · 18/07/2018 12:51

My little dgs aged about 2 used to go round saying "duck, duck, duck" but of course we used to think he was saying something entirely different!

Tomatoesrock · 18/07/2018 12:52

Could he have said Fat Duck. My own DS aged 3 has called people Fat or huge, without the fuck. It is very embarrassing. I tell him off for it, that is all you can do. They learn so many words it is just working out which are naughty or nice.

I would say you were mortified Blush

Original poster
happymommaof2 · 18/07/2018 12:55

CAAKE I did ask her if she was 100% sure because that was my initial thought. She said she was certain because she'd called him a smelly bum and thought he'd said fat bum so asked him and he corrected her!! Ex and I split before DS was born and she has always been on the scene so I'd say she would more than likely understand him.

wink1970 - it's not been plain sailing but yes we have reached a point where we can have a decent, amicable conversation which is so much easier!

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/07/2018 12:58

I agree with @wink1970 and @Madforfootball said - it is lovely that you have a good relationship with the ex’s girlfriend - that can only be a good thing for relationships between you all.

I also agree that children can repeat things without knowing what they mean. In one of her books, Libby Purves tell someone an anecdote about one of her friends’ child, who was overheard by is nursery teacher saying “Oh Christ, oh Christ” - so she asked him what he thought it meant - and his reply was “It means mummy can’t find a space in the car park,” Grin

Tomatoesrock · 18/07/2018 12:58

Well it sounds like GF threw the first name call so instigated it. Haha. Only joking but my DS would retaliate to a jokey name calling.

May I ask if the GF is over weight.

Original poster
happymommaof2 · 18/07/2018 13:00

Madforfootball - that has made me smile. As I said, it hasn't always been the case (and the same can't be said for ex who very rarely has anything to do with me - his choice not mine) but we (GF and I) both know who is important in our situation Smile

OP posts:
Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 18/07/2018 13:04

I also wonder if it could have been a mispronunciation?

When DS was 2 he used to pronounce "fox" as "fucks", clear as a bell. I don't think people always believed me when I said he wasn't saying "fuck". I could hardly tell them that had unfortunately pronounces "fuck" with a South Dublin accent like me ("Fock") and only says it in traffic. Like me.

womcombat · 18/07/2018 13:05

Is that 100% what was said?

My son at the same age once started shouting 'Silly old slag', turns out he was saying 'silly old Flag'!

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 18/07/2018 13:15

When DS was 4 he overheard a couple of people having an argument outside nursery. He repeated some of it word for word and of course then so did a lot of other DC. I was mortified but thankfully a staff member had heard the argument too and realised. She was lovely and shrugged it off and explained to the other parents about the incident outside in case their DC repeated it. I'm still pretty mortified thinking about it now.

Original poster
happymommaof2 · 18/07/2018 13:19

I suppose I'm never going to know for sure if it was a mispronunciation - unless he tries to say it to me. I was going to try and drop it into conversation to try and find out where he has heard it but I don't want him to think he is getting in trouble again!

OP posts:
MuggledOff · 18/07/2018 13:23

It's horrible to hear but quite normal for him to repeat things. My DS (2) says 'fucking sake' with alarming regularity. DH or I obviously swore when he was a baby and it went into his head. We've not sworn in front of him since he began to talk, so almost a year now, but every so often DS comes out with 'fucking sake mummy! The animals need to go to the water, get a drink! Fucking sake mummy!' Confused We don't react to it and just change the subject and get him to talk about something else but he is taking rather longer than I would like to forget it.

That said, a 'fat fuck' is different in that it is name calling rather than just swearing, and I do think that's worse. Nursery should have a zero tolerance on name calling whether it's poo-head or fucking bastard...

PinkHeart5914 · 18/07/2018 13:24

He obviously heard it somewhere, more than likely he picked it up at nursery tbh unless that’s how you talk about the girlfriend when you think his not in ear shot Wink

Original poster
happymommaof2 · 18/07/2018 13:29

Tomatoesrock haha no she's not!

PinkHeart5914 she's lovely and slim and I quite like her. More something Ex would say about me but I'm sure even HE isn't that stupid Wink

OP posts:
Tomatoesrock · 18/07/2018 13:33

Oh good at least it would be seen passing comment, without causing upset.

Womcombat flag Grin

Fontella · 18/07/2018 13:41

When my son was a toddler, we were in a neighbour's house and it was time to leave. They were making a big fuss of him and he was reluctant to go, but they were just about to eat dinner, and we needed to get back so I kept saying 'say goodbye, it's time to go' and trying to steer him out.

Out the blue, clear as a bell he says to me 'Why don't you piss off?'

I was absolutely mortified! He'd never said a swear word, never said anything like that to me before ... and when he does it's in front of the bloody neighbours! They laughed and made light of it ... but I was really upset.

As soon as we were out of the house it was like he'd never said it. All smiles and back to cutie pie toddler again, He never said anything like it again. At least not until he was a teenager!

They do come out with some stuff at that age!