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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WTF???

48 replies

splishsplosh35 · 18/07/2018 10:53

I've been out since 7am this morning clearing my flat as I have a tenant moving in on Saturday. It's a top floor flat and I've been carrying large heavy objects down the stairs for the last 3 hours. I was there until late last night packing everything up as well. When I got home last night my little boy (13 months) was still up so i had to come straight in and get him off to sleep which isn't always straight forward. I'm not too bothered about him having a late night every now and again but my boyfriend hadn't even tried to get him to bed, just waited for me to come home. When I came home this morning my boyfriend told me my little boy hadn't had his breakfast because he couldn't get him to go in his high chair. He also said, laughing, that he'd nodded off for 20 mins or so and was pleasantly surprised to find my little boy playing nicely with his toys when he woke up. The dishes from last night were still in the sink because I hadn't done them last night and the kitchen was a complete mess (he'd only made breakfast for himself!!) AIBU to expect more?? I'm very sore and tired at the moment so maybe i'm overreacting?? I haven't said anything yet......

OP posts:
MrsPreston11 · 18/07/2018 10:58

Is your boyfriend your sons Dad?

You're making it sound as if he isn't so it may skew my answer a bit....

Charley50 · 18/07/2018 11:00

Yet another useless man. Sorry, non-useless men.

RonniePickering · 18/07/2018 11:03

What MrsPreston said.

Tigger365 · 18/07/2018 11:04

Is it a one off?
Honestly, as long as your son is happy, fed, watered and not bleeding...I’d take the win.

HopefullyAnonymous · 18/07/2018 11:07

Honestly, as long as your son is happy, fed, watered and not bleeding that’s a fairly low benchmark that he didn’t even manage to meet if he hadn’t managed to give the child breakfast 🤷‍♀️

Oliversmumsarmy · 18/07/2018 11:10

Honestly, as long as your son is happy, fed, watered and not bleeding...I’d take the win

But he hadn't been fed and watered

ElderflowerWaterIsDelish · 18/07/2018 11:14

Is your bf your son's dad? If not why are you leaving a 13 month old with a man who isn't looking after him properly, he didn't put him to bed, he didn't feed him, and he went to sleep and left the child unattended where God forbid anything could have happened. And then he laughed when he was telling you this...

Why would you leave your child with someone who isn't going to look after him?..if he is your son's father you need to have a talk with him

Original poster
splishsplosh35 · 18/07/2018 11:15

No he's his dad. Sorry if I made it sound otherwise.

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 18/07/2018 11:17

Tell him to step up and be a parent then! Can totally understand why you're so pissed off.

Time for a serious chat about upping his game - both it terms of parenting and not leaving all the 'shit work' to you.

Charley50 · 18/07/2018 11:18

He's completely useless then. He could have helped carry stuff for you, while baby slept in car seat or whatever.
He didn't make dinner, put him to bed or clear up. What a totally inconsiderate wanker.
Not sure what to suggest though. Maybe show him the thread after we've all called him a useless lazy prick, that might shame him into stepping up!

lornathewizzard · 18/07/2018 11:18

So he's his dad and he can't put him to bed (or even try!) or get him a meal?? Wtf. You need to have a proper talk about this and also make sure you stop doing everything

LovingLola · 18/07/2018 11:19

Yet another useless man.

This.
Mumsnet seems to be full of threads about useless gobshites.

Bibesia · 18/07/2018 11:19

YADNBU. If he couldn't help with sorting out the flat, the least he could have done was to look after his child properly. If I put money on a bet that what he was doing instead was watching TV/gaming, would I win?

Lweji · 18/07/2018 11:26

This is one of those occasions where a huge rant is perfectly justified.

If he can't be trusted to take care of his own child, what is he doing there?
Tell him to father up or get out.

itsBritneyBeach · 18/07/2018 11:29

That's ridiculous - he sounds like he's one of these people who make excuses, or do jobs soooo badly in the hope that you'll never ask them to do it again.

A huge moan at him is definitely justified.

happypoobum · 18/07/2018 11:31

BF sounds lazy and useless. What's the point of him?

Eliza9917 · 18/07/2018 11:31

Was he like this before the baby OP? Did you do everything for him?

Trinity66 · 18/07/2018 11:35

Oh I'd be so annoyed by that, so you're doing all the physical work to do with the flat and then coming home to do all the parenting and house work?? wtf is right. What exactly does your boyfriend do at all?

ErictheGuineaPig · 18/07/2018 11:35

You are massively underreacting. He can't even take basic care of his son when he's been a father for 13 months. Absolutely pathetic and neglectful.

shinyredbus · 18/07/2018 11:39

Left him alone for 20 minutes while he was asleep?! Do you realise the danger of this? Honestly? I would have to consider dumping him. So many things can happen in 20 minutes, a fellow mum turned her back to do something (10 seconds) and her baby pulled a mug of hot tea all over her face. 20 minutes?! You are severely under- reacting.

Tigger365 · 18/07/2018 11:42

I misread the OP, sorry!!
So he’s not capable of being a parent by himself, and you have two children.
I feel for you, I have a DH that doesn’t see things that need to be done, but the only thing he is responsible for is DDog, as DD’s are old enough to feed/water themselves.

Charley50 · 18/07/2018 11:43

Yeah tbh I'd probably just get rid. He's not gonna change. So much easier without the constant disappointment of being let down.

ARogueDad · 18/07/2018 11:43

It sounds like as far as he's concerned childcare is your responsibility – it's a bit of an old fashioned viewpoint, but we all have our ways of living together.

If you're not happy with this arrangement, you need to have a chat with him about it – preferably before having children together. Wink

I'm guessing that your relationship so far has led him to expect this to be the arrangement – if you now want to change this you've got some serious negotiation to do.

If the above is totally off the mark, then yes, he's being a knob. Ask him why he thinks this is OK and have a calm grownup chat about it.

SquishySquirmy · 18/07/2018 11:45

Lazy git.

Even if he wasn't his dad, his behaviour was piss poor.
If you are the only adult in a house with a very young child, even when you are not related to them you feed them, water them and entertain them at the very least. You don't fall asleep!

The fact that he is his father makes it worse; he is so stuck in the default assumption that you will do everything, and sounds incredibly selfish.

If this is a one off then a huge rant would be justified.
However if its part of a general pattern then I would suggest calmly setting out why you are pissed off and making it crystal clear that things need to change. And if they don't, or if he doesn't want them to change, I would reconsider the relationship.

SquishySquirmy · 18/07/2018 11:47

And don't do the washing up for him!

Insist he clears up the mess.
If he refuses, or says he will "later" but doesn't, then you know exactly what he thinks of you.

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