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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WTF???

48 replies

splishsplosh35 · 18/07/2018 10:53

I've been out since 7am this morning clearing my flat as I have a tenant moving in on Saturday. It's a top floor flat and I've been carrying large heavy objects down the stairs for the last 3 hours. I was there until late last night packing everything up as well. When I got home last night my little boy (13 months) was still up so i had to come straight in and get him off to sleep which isn't always straight forward. I'm not too bothered about him having a late night every now and again but my boyfriend hadn't even tried to get him to bed, just waited for me to come home. When I came home this morning my boyfriend told me my little boy hadn't had his breakfast because he couldn't get him to go in his high chair. He also said, laughing, that he'd nodded off for 20 mins or so and was pleasantly surprised to find my little boy playing nicely with his toys when he woke up. The dishes from last night were still in the sink because I hadn't done them last night and the kitchen was a complete mess (he'd only made breakfast for himself!!) AIBU to expect more?? I'm very sore and tired at the moment so maybe i'm overreacting?? I haven't said anything yet......

OP posts:

Trinity66 · 18/07/2018 11:51

It sounds like as far as he's concerned childcare is your responsibility – it's a bit of an old fashioned viewpoint, but we all have our ways of living together.

Sorry but this makes zero sense, how can childcare not be the responsibility of the only person who's in charge of the child at any given time. He's either looking after the child or he isn't, don't you think? If she had been away for the whole night would it be ok for him to not feed the child or not put them to bed because that "isn't his responsibility"?

haverhill · 18/07/2018 11:51

‘He thinks childcare is your responsibility’
So the baby is kept up late, not fed in the morning, and quite possibly exposed to physical harm?
Superb.

Clandestino · 18/07/2018 11:55

Are you moving together?
Why?
He sounds complete useless.

Attic14 · 18/07/2018 11:58

He nodded off and left a 13month child unattended.

No way

BobbinsBoo1 · 18/07/2018 11:59

I would be really cross if my dh behaved like that. I have a family member who left her 1 year old at home with her dh and he decided to have a nap without ensuring baby was safe. Her son got hold of a nappy bag and suffocated. I would seriously be concerned about leaving my child with a man who will sleep and leave them unattended. The pain my family member is still going through years later is horrific and all because her dh was lazy like your boyfriend. Sit down and have a proper talk about how he needs to step up and parent or leave. I would be cross about all the other stuff too but the sleeping would be a deal breaker for me.

EvenThoughYouDidCHEAT · 18/07/2018 12:03

He also said, laughing, that he'd nodded off for 20 mins or so and was pleasantly surprised to find my little boy playing nicely with his toys

He fell asleep and left a 13-month-old unsupervised for 20 minutes? Anything could have happened. I would not leave this man alone with my children ever again. That is seriously neglectful.

Trinity66 · 18/07/2018 12:03

I have a family member who left her 1 year old at home with her dh and he decided to have a nap without ensuring baby was safe. Her son got hold of a nappy bag and suffocated

oh my god, that's terrible, I'm so sorry you all had to go through that but this is the reality that the OP needs to hear. Her b/f sounds incredibly irresponsible and has no business being in charge of a young child and besides that he seems completely useless

Snowysky20009 · 18/07/2018 12:08

And you are with him because.....?

kaitlinktm · 18/07/2018 12:12

So he got up, didn't clear up his stuff from the previous night, made himself breakfast but didn't find a way to feed his infant son, didn't clear up after his own breakfast and then fell asleep and left his son unsupervised for twenty minutes. He sounds like a prince.

He doesn't appear to think there is anything wrong with any of this - so why aren't you setting him straight? His response will tell you what you need to know (if you don't know already).

haverhill · 18/07/2018 12:14

Trinity That’s horrendous.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 18/07/2018 12:16

I think he needs to go on a parenting course so he can cope when he has weekend access!

Please don't ever marry this tit and definitely don't have more children with him.

He sounds like a liability.

haverhill · 18/07/2018 12:16

I mean Bobbins sorry

Cornishclio · 18/07/2018 12:18

I would have put him straight immediately and given him serious grief after sorting your little boy out last night. I am amazed he did not sort out carrying the heavy items out of your flat. Are you moving in with this idle layabout? I think I would seriously reconsider this.

Juells · 18/07/2018 12:29

Are you clearing out your flat because you're moving in with your bf? If so, it's a foolish move :(

CaMePlaitPas · 18/07/2018 12:32

I'd hit the roof. My H and I do argue a lot (we have two DCs aged 6 weeks and 1) but he takes excellent care of his children and if they are OK then I turn a blind eye to the mess. You should expect more of your BF - he needs to step up.

CaMePlaitPas · 18/07/2018 12:35

Actually I just re-read the thread, him falling asleep for 20 minutes and leaving a thirteen month old unattended is really really worrying OP.

BlueTears · 18/07/2018 12:39

My DH manages very capably to look after our two children on his own all day (12 hours) whilst I'm at work at least once a week plus he does dinner, bath and bedtime most nights.

Your partner should obviously be doing more with his own child.

CocoaGin70 · 18/07/2018 12:46

And you're living with this man because?????

He's doing fuck all because you're letting him.

You're the only one who can change it. He's living the dream.

EvenThoughYouDidCHEAT · 18/07/2018 12:49

I think people are missing the key fact in your OP, OP. He left a mess after breakfast and didn't feed your son, yeah that's shit, sort it out, etc. but more importantly HE LEFT A 13-MONTH-OLD COMPLETELY UNATTENDED AND UNSUPERVISED IN THE HOME FOR 20 MINUTES

ANYTHING COULD HAVE HAPPENED!

I would take your son and leave immediately

AveAtqueVale · 18/07/2018 12:54

Not getting him down for a nap: I wouldn’t care.

Not ensuring he ate breakfast and leaving the place a pigsty: I’d be unimpressed but would find it hard to get worked up.

Falling asleep and leaving a 13 month old unattended for 20 minutes: I’d be absolutely incandescent and reconsidering our entire relationship.

Ractify · 19/07/2018 01:12

Leaving a 13 month old unsupervised for 20 minutes is so unacceptable. I don't mean to be a panic merchant, but how does he know it was "only" for 20 minutes? In reality, could it have been longer? It is so unsafe.....

IAmNotAWitch · 19/07/2018 03:09

As I always say on these useless men threads.

What is he FOR?

thebewilderness · 19/07/2018 03:53

Whatever else he may be he is not your friend.
No friend would behave like that.

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