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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People shortening your name

83 replies

SparkleSoiree · 17/07/2018 12:41

I don't think I'm being unreasonable but it's happening so much that I'm wondering if I am!

For example, you introduce yourself to someone as "Katherine" and they reply with "hello Katie". It gets my back up. When I've politely corrected them and said "It's Katherine" they appear to get irked that you've corrected them.

Katherine isn't my name but it's a similarly long name and I just don't like the shortened versions so prefer my given name.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 17/07/2018 13:23

If they call you Katie, rather than saying "it's Katherine" (which is rather blunt) just say "I prefer to be called Katherine"

Coffeeisyourfriend · 17/07/2018 13:24

@halfwitpicker I have this problem too, getting called the long version of my name instead on the shortened - which baffles me as the long version isn't even my name at all! The short version is what's on my birth certificate! 9/10 times its someone asking 'is is short for..' But a lot of people I know do it just to wind me up! My manager tried once but that backfired when I didn't do the work he asked me to because he didn't ask me

halfwitpicker · 17/07/2018 13:28

You sound like my kinda woman, coffee! DH's family who I have known for ten years still call me by my full Sunday name. I just ignore them now. Sick of correcting them.

Grin
SharesinClarks · 17/07/2018 13:29

YANBU, my son has exactly the same problem. He gets really frustrated by it as he's 9. I told him to shorten the names of those that do it to him if they don't listen & continue to call him by the shortened name.

Original poster
SparkleSoiree · 17/07/2018 13:30

Gromance02 I judge people too who call me anything other than I've introduced myself as. I think that they have made a judgement about who they think I am or should be according to what makes them feel comfortable and they are not seeing or respecting me for who I am. Either way, it's a lack of acceptance I think on their part.

So I need to find a friendlier way of correcting people rather than my usual straight to the point style. Gah, I hate sugar coating.

OP posts:
Original poster
SparkleSoiree · 17/07/2018 13:31

If it's a problem with long and short names then doesn't it make sense just to call people the name that they introduce themselves as? Begs the question why people assume they can change it in the first place..

OP posts:
stevie69 · 17/07/2018 13:33

I get it too. I wouldn't go as far as to say it gets my back up but I do prefer to be called by the name I give myself.

I would always user the name that someone had introduced themselves with as that just seems the appropriate thing to do Blush

mydogisthebest · 17/07/2018 13:34

I hate it. I always call someone by their full name unless they say otherwise. I have worked with quite a few people who call themselves by their full name - James and Rebecca are 2 instances and yet lots of people called them Jamie and Becky. I just find it really rude.

I have a short name (3 letters) and people like to lengthen it! My mum gave me and my sister short names (both 3 letters long) because she has a long name which is almost always shorted and the shortened version is horrid. She said she was determined that no one would shorten our names. No because they can't, they just lengthen them.

I find it incredibly rude

easyandy101 · 17/07/2018 13:37

I don't like people other than very close friends or family to use my whole name, everyone calls me the diminutive.

However if someone really wants to call me whatever they want I really don't care. Call me Paul if you want.

People getting precious about their name is funny to me. A friend with an unusual foreign name refuses to tell people how it's pronounced cos he thinks it's funny having a load of different names based on people's interpretation of it

YANBU but it's not something I could ever get upset about

FrogFairy · 17/07/2018 13:37

My name gets shortened all the time, it doesn’t bother me. Better than them calling me cunty bollock chops. Though perhaps they do behind my back...

Scotstar · 17/07/2018 13:37

Not being unreasonable at all. You have the right to be called what you wish even if that is consuela bananahammock if that's what you have introduced yourself as.

My little boy is Andrew and i hate the shortening andy. I really really hope he doesn't wish to be called that when he is older but if he does I'll have to suck it up and get on with it.

DGRossetti · 17/07/2018 13:39

My rule is to call somebody by the name they introduce themselves with. So in the OPs example, Katherine stays Katherine.

Reversing it, I think it's a little rude to call someone by a name they haven't given you.

My name can be shortened, if you like that sort of thing. I don't and have had to gently ask people not to do it.

I know one person who made a stink and got the IT team to capitalise their proper first name in the online email address book.

Worlds0kayestmum · 17/07/2018 13:41

It gets my back up. My name is long and can be shortened which I go by but that can be shortened even further and I really don't like that name. I find it disrespectful to shorten it, I don't understand why you would. I always call people by the name they introduce themselves as

Sittingonaspindryer · 17/07/2018 13:43

Don't mind most people abbreviating my name, but it really gets my back up when MIL does it. And I don't know why, I have a perfectly good relationship with her most of the time. It just seems to familiar somehow.

Argeles · 17/07/2018 13:43

I never, ever shorten anyone’s name. I believe it is very rude to do so, unless you have been invited to by the person themselves - e.g, ‘my name is Alexandra, call me Alex.’

bruffin · 17/07/2018 13:53

It doesn't bother me. I quite like it. I must admit that I do (silently) judge people that get sniffy about having their name abbreviated.

Totally agree, happens to me all the time. I never use my short name myself or write it, but people are only trying to be nice , nothing to be bothered about.

Justanotheruser01 · 17/07/2018 14:01

Oh im quite bad for this stephanie for example when im chatting without realising becomes steph. I do mention it though that its a habit normally they're ok with it if they prefer stephanie ill make a concious effort but it may slip. Wouldn't do katherine to kate though

Ebeneser · 17/07/2018 14:01

I get this all the time but it doesn’t bother me. I will always sign things off in my full name though, and will always introduce myself by my full name. For some reason I don’t like abbreviating my own name, but have got so used to other people doing it, it doesn’t often resister that they have. My mum also only calls me by my full name if i’ve been naughty Grin

mydogisthebest · 17/07/2018 14:08

Fine that it doesn't bother some of you but why ridicule someone that it does bother?

Your parents give you a name. That is your name unless you choose to change it/shorten it etc. Surely it is up to the individual what they what to be called?

I know 3 guys called James. One wants to be called James, one prefers Jamie and one prefers Jim. I call each of them the name they prefer. It is not up to me to decide what to call them. Personally I hate the name Jim but it is not down to me is it?

mydogisthebest · 17/07/2018 14:09

"People are only trying to be nice"!!!! Oh really? What a load of . It just that so many people are to lazy to say the full name. It's rude and disrespectful

bellinisurge · 17/07/2018 14:13

My name has loads of diminutives. If people ask me for my preference, I say what my full name is. If people choose a diminutive they prefer, I can't be arsed correcting them. I have good friends I've known for years that decided what they would call me. The comical thing is, my very close friends and family use an entirely different nick name unrelated to my proper name. I differentiate between people that I allow to use my nick name and everyone else.

whiskeysourpuss · 17/07/2018 14:17

I have a long name that can be shortened then shortened again but I don't use my full name except on legal documents. Various people use the various versions of my name:

Full name - immediate family (mum, step parents, brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins)

Short version - friends, colleagues, family additions (in-laws), nieces, nephews, godchildren

Very short version - about 5 people with special permission

Random rhyming short version of a completely unrelated long name - Dad (no idea why he always has done)

Anything but a version of my actual name - Starbucks Hmm

MrsBartlettforthewin · 17/07/2018 14:39

This drives me mad. I have a long name like Catherine and go by a short version like Katie but I still have people shorten it further to a version like Kate or Kat. Never understood why people find it so hard to us the name you introduce yourself with.

Yogagirl123 · 17/07/2018 14:47

My name is short but it has always been shortened further by family and DH doesn’t worry me in the least.

I would only ever call a person by the name they have introduced themselves by, I think it’s a little rude otherwise.

CheeseTheDay · 17/07/2018 14:54

YANBU. My rule is, that unless someone specifically tells me I can use a short form of their name, I call them by the name by which they've introduced themselves. It's rudeness to do otherwise.

To family and friends, I go by a short form of my name, so to me using a short form is about familiarity. It's something people who know me get to do. It isn't something people I've only just met, or who I only know on a casual/informal basis (i.e a friend of a friend, for example) get to do, unless they've been told otherwise.

Another thing I don't appreciate, is people who try to use a different short form, because they prefer it to the one I have chosen. Er no, it isn't up to you, it's my name. You either call me by the short form I like, or you use the formal name, but you don't get to call me by another short form (especially when I hate all the other short forms).