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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

One year old milk and nap

69 replies

GeeGee12 · 16/07/2018 21:01

My health visitor today told me that I was a bad Mum for still letting my one year old have two naps a day. I bottle feed my baby 2x7oz of formula and sit in a rocking chair with her and feed and rock until she goes to sleep. Then I put her in her pram asleep for her nap. I repeat the same process for bedtime expect instead of her pram she goes into my bed, she sleeps with me. She only became one this week and I’m choosing to go onto growing up milk for bed time and cows milk for day naps. I’m happy with our routine and I think when my daughter isn’t she will let me know. The health visitor told me that I was hindering her development. I’m just wondering if anyone has a similar experience with their baby? Or any advice? Thank you

OP posts:

Bringonspring · 16/07/2018 23:03

Sippy Cup!!

Babysharkstuckinmyhead · 16/07/2018 23:04

Ignore the HV and do what is best for you and your family. My ds is 3 and still has milk and a nap every day.

Seasawride · 16/07/2018 23:06

Op did she call you a bad mother to your face?

Neverender · 16/07/2018 23:08

Ignore her and do what works for you. Smile and nod when they come round and say, "Thank you, that's so helpful." And then carry on with what you KNOW works for you and your family.

Neverender · 16/07/2018 23:10

Btw DD is now 19months and some days still has two naps

smellmybacon · 16/07/2018 23:10

op what did she actually say? if it was anything like bad mother she needs reporting

hellololly · 16/07/2018 23:13

I hate health visitors, they spout such shit at times. Why are they all so inconsistent on their advice? It's so irresponsible.

Seasawride · 16/07/2018 23:19

Sgree Bacon if she did say that to the op she must be reported.

Seasawride · 16/07/2018 23:21

And you do know you don’t have to have any contact with HV? They have no rights of access or rights to visit.

I never bothered after dc1. I found mine a complete waste of time

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 16/07/2018 23:23

I genuinely can’t see how this would be a problem. She’s still a baby and if she likes it, and you’re ok with it, then fine.

My twins napped well into age 3 it was brilliant. DS3 was a whole other story though!

Fatted · 16/07/2018 23:26

Both of my 2 used bottles for milk well beyond 1. They would drink through the day from a variety of cups, but morning and bedtime drink of milk had go in a bottle. When I moved to put milk in a cup instead, they stopped drinking it. So it was about the bottle and comfort. I held my DS1 to sleep until he was a year old. I don't see how it would hinder your child's development.

If anything I'm amazed you've seen the HV at a year old. It's been rare to see our HV beyond 6 months old honestly.

Sparrowlegs248 · 17/07/2018 06:56

@Bringonspring ds1 wouldn't take a bottle but around 12 months started to take a small amount of milk from.a nuby grip n sip. I offered it alongside bf at bedtime and he gradually increased the amount he drank. I started offering it first thing in the morning too. He soon drank a full cup am and pm and actually still has a small drink of milk from a similar cup at bedtime. I cut the amount down when I potty trained him. He's be at 3 and drinks from an open cup at other times.

Original poster

GeeGee12 · 17/07/2018 12:13

I’m not sure how to reply to people individually, sorry! But this actually isn’t the first time she has said something like this to me, when my daughter was 6 weeks she came into my house and told me I didn’t have my daughters best interests at heart as I wasn’t breastfeeding. I’m sure most HVs are wonderful, sadly mine hasn’t been great. Which leads to obviously starting threads to get advice on things. Do you know how I would report to? The local healthy child programme?

OP posts:

Original poster

GeeGee12 · 17/07/2018 12:16

To my face yes, my husband was stood next to me. She said ‘it would lead me to question your mothering skills, only bad mums don’t know they should be off bottles and naps by now’ we left after that.

OP posts:

Bellyscreen · 17/07/2018 12:21

I know you’ve got a thousand things on your mind but if she literally said that you need to report her. I don’t know who to, but someone needs to stop her saying things like that to people.

likeacrow · 17/07/2018 12:21

What a dick! That's terrible.

BadMoodBetty · 17/07/2018 12:37

Report her. Fucking hell, I'd have probably told her to fuck off and shoved her out of my front door!

In your red book there should be the numbers for your HV Office. Phone and ask to speak to the manager, I'd also be inclined to email so your complaint is in writing and official.

My DS is 19 months, still had a bottle of milk before bed (sanctioned by our dentist) he's only just (this week) dropped his naptime bottle.

Confusedbeetle · 17/07/2018 12:55

I wonder did your health visitor really say you were a bad mother????
Here are the issues, first you do whatever you like, BUT be aware how that might pan out. First, it is a good idea to move the milk drinks from a bottle to a cup as by now the muscles that are used sucking need to be developing for speech. Secondly, rocking to sleep, suckling to sleep both will not help her self-soothing. Two naps a day are not a problem. If she sleeps all night without needing you then all is well. But if not the rocking/suckling/ co-sleeping would be the areas to look at. I don't think your health visitor raising these issues is out of order and would be interested to hear how and in what context she spoke of them. Mothers naturally feel defensive if their way of doing things is questioned. It is not that these ways are wrong/"bad mother?" I have never heard a health visitor use that word even in extreme child protection situation. Sometimes you need to step back and view things a little differently. Seasidewride you are making some extreme judgments when we really don't know all the facts

Original poster

GeeGee12 · 17/07/2018 13:06

@confusedbeetle you are right she didn’t only say ‘you are a bad mother’ directly without saying anything else. She did say ‘it would lead me to question your mothering skills, only bad mums don’t know they should be off bottles and naps by now.’ Which is where I have taken the bad Mum from. I had taken my daughter to get weighed and was asked if I had any questions. I did and I asked about the whole cows milk and she asked me how she went to sleep. I said on her milk feeds two naps and bed time. She said she shouldn’t be having two naps and she should be using cups (she does use a sippy cup for water and bottles for formula milk) that rocking was bad for her and I need to (forgive me I can’t remember the actual term she used) get her to settle on her own. Explained about placing a hand on the tummy and leaving to room. It would be a good idea to use the crying out method as I’ve got her into a routine that isn’t good for her (I don’t agree with this) that’s about it.

OP posts:

Original poster

GeeGee12 · 17/07/2018 13:09

The HV was the one assigned to me while I was pregnant (the one who does the home visits) she isn’t officially ours any more and I haven’t always seen her since those visits, it’s just pot luck she was there on this visit and was the only HV available.

OP posts:

Original poster

GeeGee12 · 17/07/2018 13:14

@fatted did your bubba just naturally not want to be cuddled to sleep anymore? My train of thought was, it’s been quite natural so far, when she hasn’t wanted to do something from a routine anymore she’s just let me know and we’ve evolved. I wonder if it’ll be the same with cuddles to sleep?

OP posts:

Fatted · 17/07/2018 13:25

Yeh, we just kind of let both DS lead us. DS1 got to the point where cuddles wouldn't always settle him, so we just let him settle himself in the cot, which he did with no fuss.

I was lucky enough to have two boys who slept through from 2-3 months and so I was always reluctant to change their sleep routine for fear of disturbing that! If I was up 3-4 times a night cuddling to sleep I might have not been as willing to do it as long, but just to help settle him for the night, I didn't mind a little sit down and chill out for 15 minutes having a cuddle with him.

likeacrow · 17/07/2018 13:29

@BadMoodBetty That's interesting. I've just posted in Parenting about milk feeds & teeth. So did your dentist say it was okay to not brush teeth after bedtime milk?

BadMoodBetty · 17/07/2018 13:49

Her exact words were "don't worry about it too much at this stage" he has his teeth brushed at bathtime, then 9oz of milk in a bottle. He's been for dental check ups every three months since he was six months and his teeth are fine so far. Obviously it's not ideal and fairly soon we'll change it round to milk then teeth brushing but he's had a lot of big changes in recent weeks (and has always been a bugger to get to sleep) so I'm not worrying about it at the moment.

Seasawride · 17/07/2018 14:01

Op take absolutely no notice and please if you feel wrong enough report her. Honestly I would have told her to fuck off out of my house but I would t have after dc1! silly silly silly cow.

You carry on as you are and refuse to either let her into your house or deal with her st clinic. There will be other HV around if you need them.

I am quite angry on your behalf

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