I think DS is stealing from us. What do I do?

[catweasel44]

Last week there was £20 missing from my purse. DS has taken £1 for the shop from it a few hours earlier. I rang him from the supermarket so daunt was missing and he 'found it' in the floor.

Today, DH has had a pile of cash on a windowsill from an eBay sale for a few weeks. Today he went to bank it and there was £60 short. Once again, DS 'found' £40 although £20 is still missing.

I don't know what to do. He has denied taking it obviously. And I can't prove that he did but it does seem a remarkable coincidence that he seems to find it whenever anyone notices it missing.

I just want to cry. He's 12. I feel such a failure as a parent and am at a complete loss.

If it isn't him, accusing him would be awful. I want to believe him, but I don't want to be blindly stupid about it either.

I also don't want to let my own sadness over the whole thing get in the way of dealing with it.

I feel at a complete loss.

My brother did similar at his age, and lied about it when confronted. My mother marked one of the notes and caught him red-handed. You could try similar so that you know for sure before confronting? Don’t feel bad OP, it’s common xx

I feel a bit better about it, thank you.

DH is furious though. I'm not sure we have a very united approach.

Tell your DH to pipe the fuck down.

It’s a shame that there isn’t a teenage anti theft device on the market; I’m envisaging something like a slim mousetrap to be slipped into the purse, but would only cause bruising rather than breaking if the fingers while emitting a loud “thief, thief, thief..” repeated shriek. Nothing too loud or damaging, just enough to make them shit their pants.

Glad I found this thread, I have felt guilty about my behaviour at a similar age for a long time and now realise others did the same, I seriously worried that I may be a criminal in the making, but grew out of it. I really didn't know others did the same thing. My parents found out and talked to me, they were really understanding which made me feel even worse.

I was saddened when the EMA was stopped as I really think teenagers need an allowance

When I was abo
When I was about 11 or 12 me and my mate were responsible for the Brownies tombola

We rigged pulling the winning tickets for ourselves

When Brown Owl was forced to speak to my parents I was mortified when she used phrases like "I didn't think Mini AF was the kind of girl to pinch lipsticks from Woolworth's" ...etc

I was and I did. Erk. I am a model citizen now. Kind of.

Does your son have friends? Just asking because my cousin did the same thing and then spent the money on sweets etc at the corner shop near school to keep in with the "popular crowd" This was 20 years ago now so don't even know if this sort of thing still happens 🤔

It's normal.
My friend put a note in her purse saying - stop taking money out of my purse - I know you are doing it.

We've spoken to him. He denied it.

We said we would give him the benefit of the doubt but we did not expect anything else to go missing.

I'm going to give him a couple of days and then talk about earning some money in the holidays.

AnyFucker I am , I tell you.

I used to nick money from my parents at around that age and a bit younger . I'm a totally normal person now and wouldn't dream of stealing from anyone (I actually drove 20 minutes out of my way the other day when I realised I'd been over-changed). I do definitely think you need to remove the temptation. I don't know about your DS but I just didn't really acknowledge that the money I took would mean my parents couldn't afford to buy XYZ for themselves - parents just seemed like an infinite pool of money. I wouldn't have dreamed of stealing from a friend!

Hopefully that will be a shot across his (lightfingered) bows. He knows you are onto him.

Hide the cash now and get on with your life await the next teenage horror show

OP would it help if you namechange then show DH the thread? So he can see how sticky fingered we pillars of the community were back then at a similar age?
I honestly think it's pre teen boundary pushing rather than a downward spiral, but I can see how the initial reaction is one of horror.

Leave a stack of money and set up a webcam to catch him. If he's going to lie to you then it's OK to catch him out. I'm not sure what punishment you would dish out, but I'd give him a harsh one. Like ask the police to come and chat to him, scare him about the consequences. Yes he's "only" 12 but then what age does it become unacceptable? He needs scaring so that he won't do it again.

At the same age I used to take £1 from my mum's purse and buy Ribena and a Pepperami on the way to school. I have no idea why I did it as dm would have given me money if I'd asked. I also used to eat all of the Micro Chips in the freezer and deny it. Just to reassure you OK that it is not a reflection of your parenting or a foreshadowing of his future as a criminal!

@lastnightidreamtofpotatoes

Microchips!! I havnt thought about those in years!

I don't even have a microwave. But now I want microchips

DS did this when he started secondary, we had a chat and agreed that anything he found on floor 20p coin or less was fair game and he could have it.

I started leaving an extra quid or so lying around in 10ps and 5ps and 20ps......Normally around where I had taken my jeans off or ditto DH, I got away without increasing pocket money and he felt he had a few pence to go to the shop enroute to school.

Win/win

I did it at that age, I'd take 10p or 20p and save them up over time so I could afford some of the things my friends had.

It sounds like you've dealt with it well.

Like previous posters I was horrified when I realised how serious it was, and still haven't admitted it to my mum, as I know she'd be terribly disappointed!

Aww the not that was Micro Chips..no matter how long you cooked them they were never really cooked.

I did this I'm ashamed to say. Not that it's an excuse - my parents didn't believe in pocket money and I was too young for a job. I didn't want to be the only one of my friends at school/ community events with no money. My parents didn't notice. I'd have been mortified to be caught and probably would have denied it. However, I turned into a very law abiding citizen! I never told my parents as I think it would have made them feel bad. I did give them an amazing holiday for their 30th wedding anniversary which assuaged my guilt somewhat!

Whether he took it or not (you are the only one that knows in your heart) you've done nothing wrong as a parent! It's a stage, not ALL kids go through it, but many will! I'm not saying that excuses it at all...f4om the age of 12-15 My son was a nightmare, I was at the end of my tether...at some points I honestly thought I was going to have a breakdown...I couldn't figure out where I'd gone so wrong!!! Now he's 16, just sat his exams and I couldn't be more proud...The last 8 months he's barely come out of his bedroom revising! He has grown up, but at the same time I feel like I've got my baby back! Things WILL get better, and it's not your fault OP x