Do working mums get more respect at home

[LovelyBath77]

Just that really. I wondered, if it is less expected they will be in charge of all the household tasks. As it can seem that way for SAHMs.

Surely it’s a compromise in either case?

I work full time
Pickup kids
Cook all meals
Do all ironing on a Sunday

My wife works part time and does the rest, which is mostly the cleaning that I refuse to do 😄

Perhaps, but all l women should take responsibility for claiming a fair deal for themselves. Be it society, biology, thoughtlessness or plain old chauvinism, many men wont give much thought to how childcare and housework should be split after maternity leave (as during that time the mother tends to do the lion's share).
Even my own dear husband laboured under the misapprehension that i would do most of the child related stuff as it "came naturally" to me and he assumed i enjoyed it. I corrected him, do not worry.

We have a very egalatarian marriage. We both work full time and share the home stuff. We split the last lot of maternity leave between us and that was awesome.
Yet i know lots of working mums who still do most of the grunt work as well. I think their husbands are selfish but the wives shouldn't let them get away with it!

Hahahaha. Nooooo.

Going on your title, It wouldn't be a very long lasting marriage if DH didn't respect me simply because I don't work.

Of course it is less expected. If you are at home all week rather than at work, it is reasonable that most household stuff will fall to you. But not all.

IME the very worst kind of mum to be (from mum's POV) is one who works school ool hours.

Whilst it's lovely to be there for DC in the afternoons, the rest of the family don't seem to realise you work at all!

Both Dp and I work FT. I come home every day and first put the washing on, clean the kitchen, organise clothes and lunchboxes for the next day, cook a meal for everyone. Dp washes up, and does ad hoc stuff that needs doing.
I have been a SAHM before, neither is ideal when you have Dc's, there is always an element of chasing your tail unfortunately.

I think respect is a state of mind in a relationship, it’s not really about who does what. DH and I have taken fairly traditional roles at home and we respect each other for that, but I don’t think he would respect me any more or less if I was doing paid work. I do suspect we might bicker more though, if we had less defined roles because we’d have to work around each other and compromise more.

As for the kids, you are just “mum” whether you work or not. I think they (hopefully) respect you as long as you respect and do your best for them. Your job or role is neither here nor there to kids, unless you’re at the point of a breakdown or literally hardly see them.

Completely depends on the partner IME.

Good point Vashna.

It depends on the partner. 100%. My DH and I pull equal weight. We have our strengths/likes (give me cooking every night over folding laundry anyway) but in general we split the load dependent on each other's work load.

I'm a SAHM and am the fucking empress of my house. Thus thread is bullshit, and another attempt to have a pop at SAHM. Leave us alone, we're having a lovely time thanks.

Just realised I didn’t really answer... it should make no difference which you do.

Teenagers can be horribly disrespectful - I suspect I could cure cancer & win a Nobel prize & my youngest would still inwardly roll her eyes at her embarrassing mum. Frankly, I need my work to retain any self esteem in the face of her withering judgement.

I'm a SAHM and am the fucking empress of my house.

So you've stolen some jewels and expect your subjects to support your extravegant lifestyle?

I used to work school hours. I barely even got a lunch break on a good day, and still did everything.

I now work term time only, I drop dds off in the morning, dh picks them up, but when he’s away with work I do it all. I have them in the terms, so I don’t really catch a break. I hope he appreciates it, he’d get short thrift if he didn’t.

I think you're confusing two different things. (Lack of) respect doesn't go hand in hand with responsibility for household chores

I expect respect as a given and not because I work ft.

What does the household chores have to do with respect?

That's what i think I have wrong, Helena. Think I'm interpreting getting stuck with all the house stuff as being taken for granted and running round after everyone- being a kind of lack of respect. Think I maybe have that wrong.

Maybe I should have worded it differently. Just feeling a bit put upon and taken for granted.

Children learn to treat their parents with respect by seeing the parents treating each other respectfully. What the parents do with their time is virtually irrelevant to this.

My DH has always respected me. I work a 70% contract and he is full time. We share household tasks but I do more child wrangling and admin as I have a day off.

DH didn’t want me to be a SAHM ax he didn’t want to be solely responsible for earning the money. This works for me.

I

Both of us work fulltime and we share household tasks... right now, I'm enjoying a glass of wine in the garden while dh reads ds a bedtime story. I feel like I'm winning right now!!!

I had more respect for my mother when she started work. And yes, I know that mn will hate me for it. But it is v true.

Ha ha , no!! I work full time and my DH still expects me to do the lions share of chores etc because I did when I was a SAHM. We are in th school holidays now and as usual he has asked me what ‘we’ are doing about the school holidays. Bearing in mind that I have booked them in to clubs, taken 2 days off every week to look after them and made arrangements on other days so that they don’t get bored and watch TV all day.
Seems to me that if you work, you do the majority of household stuff AND work full time.