Sorry it’s long, please read and advise if you can. I don’t know enough about this area to know if I’m being U or not, I don’t think I am but would like experienced and unbiased opinions first before I do anything...
Backstory. My 13 year olds dd is generally lovely. Never been in trouble at school or with police, no troubles really at home. We are normal family, two nice kids, no issues, no previous involvement with Children’s Services. I work in education as a qualified professional.
6 months ago my daughter was being bullied. Daily insults and threats etc. All reported again and again. She was then assaulted suddenly and violently at school. Bully admitted it, police involved. School less than helpful. Daughter lost all confidence, anxious, upset, lost friends. I pulled her out and she has new school to start in September.
She’s been upset and angry and different since. She’s smart and switched on and yet has started taking risks and not caring. She’s gone missing 6 times in 3 months- firstly just overnight with mates locally but then the last three incidents have been over the last week and she’s been to the coast then London. Admitted drinking alcohol and meeting random people at a beach party with friends and crashing at their place etc. Each time I’ve reported her to police, given appropriate consequences, spent extra time with her, offered to talk etc. She has no phone or access to money due to the above incidents and trying to stop her having access to travel and making going missing far more boring with no cash. I’ve even tried locking her in. She keeps leaving and refuses to come back or stay with family. Says she’s wants to be away from everyone and will run away if taken back. No particular reason given. She has a nice life, nice family ans nice home.
I called Children’s Services after the first
two times and referred myself. Social Worker visited and agreed she needed counselling etc and said a Child In Need plan would be best as it would allow for access to services. I agreed. Report was made about me, our family and home- all positive. Heard nothing since, for 5 weeks. Chased it up and told not sorted yet, referrals not made as takes time.
This last week has been hell for me. The worst week of my life. She’s like a different child and I’ve not been able to sleep or eat. Felt like a zombie, sick and worried she would be found dead somewhere. Police found her locally and took her into Police Protection at my request as she was a danger to herself. Social Worker said he’d chase up the referrals from before and have a meeting with Missing Persons dept of Police to decide what next. Fab.
I get a call to be told I can’t speak to her. She’s taken to the Police Station then to a Emergency foster carer. I’m baffled and shocked of course. I assume the worse and think she must have made some serious false allegation against me and I make calls all evening but get shut down.
The next morning I go to the council children’s services building in desperation. I’m told no allegations have been made, they have no concerns about my parenting and the report states I am a “good mum”
our home is a nice environment, good parenting etc. But that foster care has been decided. Other services likes counselling will come only once she’s settled. I object, ask for reasons and ask to speak to the manager. I then spend 5 hours there. Being pressured into signing a section 20 voluntary care agreement. They told me she’d be placed near her new school (so no intentions of her coming home before Sept) and the only reason given is that a foster carer may be more firm. I explain my discipline methods etc and they agree all fine only other option is physical intervention which a foster carer doesn’t have authority to use anyway. I work with children and I’ve even recently completed a course in child behaviour management. It was totally surreal and I honestly felt like I was going to cry or scream or faint. Tiny hot room with them over and over saying sign sign sign. I asked for some time to think and they kept saying they have already contacted their legal department, which I replied I know what that means, if I don’t sign they’ll go immediately for an emergency court order. I don’t know too much about Section 20’s but I’m sure the SW are supposed to ensure you are told you can take legal advice, not make you feel pressured and also they told me it would mean the LA share Parental Responsibility- I thought this wasn’t true at all? Anyway. I kept it together and insisted on time to go for a walk and think.
I made some calls and my sister and mother both offered to have my daughter with them. I explained this when I got back and said both are local and have spare rooms, my sister is a police officer and they both babe a good relationship with her. SW declined and said they’d need to run checks on family and meet and vet them first so I had to sign Section 20 for foster care for the time being. By this point I’d been there 5 hours!!!
Then they left the room. The SW returned 20 mins later and said his manager (head of children’s services dept) had spoken to him and she agreed with me that my daughter doesn’t need to be in foster care and what we need is support and help for her which should have been in place already and they’ve let us down by not getting the child in need plan in place sooner. He then brought my daughter in (she’d been there he whole time in another room for 5 hours too not offered so much a snack!) and he said we were free to leave and go home. I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.
They put me through total hell for nothing. How can they go from one extreme to the other?!! I’ve since found out they were recently judged by Ofsted as required improvement and seriously failing. So my AIBU is- AIBU to make a formal complaint? Do I have the grounds to? Am i wrong about their treatment of me about the Section 20 being totally wrong?
Thanks in advance!