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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go on holiday without my children

46 replies

Generallyok · 15/07/2018 09:10

We have lots of friends who often have weekends away without kids. My DH is keen to do the same.We have grandparents that would happily look after the kids but I don't think I would enjoy myself especially if it is somewhere they would enjoy. My friends have gone down to Cornwall and said it was wonderful to be on the beaches just the 2 of them. Am I bit wierd for not wanting this?

OP posts:
Etino · 15/07/2018 09:13

How old are your dcs? Everyone’s different, but no, I’d feel strange at Disneyland or on a Cornish beach leaving little ones at home. In Paris or on a walking holiday, less so.

MerryMarigold · 15/07/2018 09:14

I think both are really important. Dh and I both love being around kids (even if they're not ours), so it would feel odd to go away to a location the kids would enjoy. However, we do go away to places which they would hate or where it would be very hard to enjoy whilst they messed around eg. quiet hotels/ spas etc.

I think it's really important to get away WITHOUT kids as your marriage needs to not revolve around them. What happens when they grow up? Or even in a few years when they are more independent? A strong marriage does need 1:1 time, so I agree with your dh that it would be nice. A weekend once a year is enough. Doesn't need to be a whole week at Disney Land without your kids!

Dopplerineffect · 15/07/2018 09:14

We can’t all like the same thing so you are not being unreasonable.

Personally I think its nice to have that time alone and not be dependent on your kids. It helps them with confidence too and is a good bonding experience with Grand parents.

Ericho · 15/07/2018 09:14

I love weekends away without kids. Their grandparents love spending the weekend with them, the kids love spending time with their grandparents, and dh and I get a stress free, more grown up holiday.

So it's a win-win-win situation.

Worlds0kayestmum · 15/07/2018 09:16

I say each to their own. Personally, I struggled with the idea of being away from my DD but I had to get used to it because her dad and I split and she went to his every other weekend. I missed her but enjoyed my own time too. When I met my DP we went away sometimes during those weekends and it was lovely having time together the two of us. Eventually we went away for a week and had a lovely time. Still missed my DD but having some adult time was amazing.
Her dad has stopped seeing her at the moment and I have a 14 month DS now too. I'm currently hiding at the bottom of the garden just to get half an hour peace Grin

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 15/07/2018 09:16

I can't think of anywhere I'd want to go without the DC. I don't do beaches.

Groovee · 15/07/2018 09:16

We haven't done many times away without the children but we do enjoy it. My 2 are now of an age where family holidays won't be happening every time due to their ages. We are going away ourselves in October and I'm looking forward to it.

LunaTrap · 15/07/2018 09:17

I wouldn't do a full holiday without the kids but a couple of nights is nice. My kids love spending time with their grandparents who enjoy doing things with them, taking them on days out so they have a mini holiday too. It's nice for their relationship and also nice for DP and I to have a little break.

Keeptrudging · 15/07/2018 09:18

DH and I go away at least twice a year for a long weekend without kids. It's lovely. Your relationship with your husband is also important. You've got family childcare, it's not as if you're abandoning them, and you've got family holidays too.

LunaTrap · 15/07/2018 09:19

Just to add we don't go anywhere the kids would miss out on. Usually just a hotel in a city where we can go and watch a film that isn't animated, or theatre that isn't for kids and a nice meal out.

Etino · 15/07/2018 09:22

@PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks
You can’t think of anywhere you’d like to go without dcs?!
Gallery
Theatre
Concert
Festival
Pub
Restaurant
Fell walking
Climbing
Massage
Cooking class
Flying long haul
City break
?

Amanduh · 15/07/2018 09:27

I enjoy nights out without ds but I wouldn’t want to go away for weekends or holidays. I like to spend my holiday time with him!

Hooli · 15/07/2018 09:29

If you don't want to, don't. But your post comes across as a bit judged of people who do.

Each to their own and certainly not a subject you need peer (mn) opinions for.

Fatted · 15/07/2018 09:32

Going for a weekend away without my kids sounds like absolute paradise!

I wouldn't want to go abroad for a fortnight without my kids, that would be a bit strange to me. But just a nice romantic weekend away with the hubby sounds lovely.

timeisnotaline · 15/07/2018 09:34

Everyone is different. But if your dh wants to spend some time with you without the kids that’s completely fair and shouldn’t be dismissed out of hand. You are the person he entered into a relationship with, and when the kids are grown up and moved out you two want to still like each other.

tenterden · 15/07/2018 09:38

How old are they? 15? Grin

I wouldn't have wanted to leave mine when they were littlies (under 5) but beyond that, yeah, why not?

I have left mine for a whole week whilst I went on holiday. I called them, and I missed them, but it did me a world of good.

EdWinchester · 15/07/2018 09:39

Ours are teens now but when they were little we always had at least two weekends away per year without them. Never went on holiday without them though.

I think it’s quite important to spend time together with your partner and the kids were having a ball with grandparents.

ReHorsing · 15/07/2018 09:40

Would a weekend alone be good for your relationship? Does your relationship need a bit of love bombing?

cingolimama · 15/07/2018 09:41

OP, a few things jump out at me from your post.

  1. Your dh "is keen" to go away with you. This is a sign of a strong marriage - that he loves your company and wants to spend time with YOU. To not even consider going away makes it appear you don't value that relationship.

  2. If you don't think you could enjoy yourself if you went somewhere you think they might enjoy, then don't go there! Go instead somewhere very adult.

and finally 3) chunks of time spent alone with grandparents can be a wonderful and very positive thing.

PinkHeart5914 · 15/07/2018 09:41

Me and dh have done it a few times, the dc were with mil loved and safe so why the hell not?

I wouldn’t go for longer than a weekend but sometimes it’s just good to be just me and dh, it’s easy once you have dc to forget you are a more than just a parent and it’s ok to take time for yourself and your marriage.

It’s absolutely fine if you don’t want to, I know couple that haven’t been without the dc in 6 years so your hardly unusual 🤷🏻‍♀️

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 15/07/2018 09:43

I've never left mine either, holidays are for families in our household. A night out I'm ok with.

0lgaDaPolga · 15/07/2018 09:43

It would really depend on how old they are for me. My son is 13 months and I would not want to leave him for a weekend to go on holiday. I can see how it would be nice to spend time as just a couple though and I’d consider it if he was maybe 5 or 6. It also really depends on the couple though. My best friend has a baby a few months younger than mine and she just left her for 4 days to go on holiday. She had a lovely time. No judgement at all from me, I just personally wouldn’t want to leave my baby for that long, I just wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself.

Terriblydifficult · 15/07/2018 09:44

My husband and I do a few nights/weekends away a year together sans kids. It’s great.

Bibesia · 15/07/2018 09:44

If you're telling your DH that you couldn't enjoy yourself going away with just him, that really is not a great message.

PolkerrisBeach · 15/07/2018 09:51

We've been for weekends without kids and it's great! As long as you know you have someone trusted to leave them with there's no issue. We had a fabulous weekend in Berlin doing museums, bus tours, restaurants which would have bored the kids but we loved.