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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to go on holiday without my children

46 replies

Generallyok · 15/07/2018 09:10

We have lots of friends who often have weekends away without kids. My DH is keen to do the same.We have grandparents that would happily look after the kids but I don't think I would enjoy myself especially if it is somewhere they would enjoy. My friends have gone down to Cornwall and said it was wonderful to be on the beaches just the 2 of them. Am I bit wierd for not wanting this?

OP posts:

charlestonchaplin · 15/07/2018 09:53

Nurturing your relationship with your husband is also very important for your children's welfare.

TacoLover · 15/07/2018 10:01

If I was your husband I'd feel a bit shitty not being worth a few days of your time without kids.

oohyoudevilyou · 15/07/2018 10:02

I've had a couple of one night trips away from my kids (hen nights, gigs where we've stayed overnight etc) but hate the idea of a holiday without them. I only get 4 weeks holidays a year and love to spend that time with us all together. I don't feel that we need time away from the children - the thing that impacts negatively on our relationship tbh is work, not family.

Petalflowers · 15/07/2018 10:03

I preferred family holdiays as well. Not unusual at all.

Blaablaablaa · 15/07/2018 10:05

Personally, I think it important to have a mix. We do 'big' holidays with DS but try and have a couple of child free weekends away. It helps us reconnect as a couple and we have a blast. It's makes us stronger as a couple and definitely makes us better parents

merlotmummy14 · 15/07/2018 10:06

The way I look at it is that (depending on Dc's ages of course) is that a holiday with kids is not always a holiday for the parents. My partner and I are going to Krakow in August for 2 nights leaving our then-5 month old with grandparents. We looked at taking her with us but had opposition from both sides of the family saying it would be stressful for us and that they really wanted to spend time with her and there was even an argument over who got to take her (nurses and midwives on both sides who love babies). There's a big thing about parents sacrificing their entire lives when they have kids but you have to remember you are an adult and have needs too and this includes your relationship. As I was pregnant and couldn't fly during my last semester of university I was unable to do a semester abroad to get the international credits I need for my transcript - so we agreed that I would do 10 days summer school in Holland in August as well. My partner has the time off work to spend with baby and has family coming in to give him breaks where necessary. Some might say it's selfish to leave my baby but in the long run I'll have a better chance of getting a good job with these credits so I can provide for her and take her on holidays she'll actually enjoy like Disneyland when she's older.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 15/07/2018 10:10

If I was your husband I'd feel a bit shitty not being worth a few days of your time without kids

Any partner that demanded this or played that emotional card knowing it would make the other miserable isn't a good partner anyway.

Normandy144 · 15/07/2018 10:15

I love going away with my husband on our own. We've been lucky to have had a few opportunities to do this and most recently had a short honeymoon which was fabulous. I felt guilty for about a minute and then it quickly subsided. It's important to spend time together even if that's just an evening out. For me it really helps to recharge the batteries as parenting young children is exhausting. Try it, you might like it!

Namelesswonder · 15/07/2018 10:18

2 weekends a year minus kids here - love it! DC go to grandparents (who live an hour away) so it’s an adventure for them and good for their relationship. Have done it since youngest was 1 1/2. Helps us remember that we are not just parents and allows us to reconnect as adults.

TacoLover · 15/07/2018 10:18

Any partner that demanded this or played that emotional card knowing it would make the other miserable isn't a good partner anyway.

But the DH in this situation is most likely miserable not having any alone time with his wife, and not really understanding why the kids can't stay with their loving grandparents for a few days? He wouldn't want an away break in the first place if they got enough alone time at home, surely? So how is the OP better than her DH in this situation? And how on earth is having emotions considered a 'card' nowadays

SerenDippitty · 15/07/2018 10:23

If you're telling your DH that you couldn't enjoy yourself going away with just him, that really is not a great message.

This. If you don’t enjoy being alone with your partner, if you feel happier with the kids there as a sort of buffer, that’s not a good sign.

Notso · 15/07/2018 10:37

I love spending time with my children, but I crave time alone with DH. I can't imagine not feeling that way about him.
It's not only beneficial for our relationship it's so refreshing not to have to think about where we're eating, what we are eating, where the kids are, is it safe, do they have coats/suncream/water etc.
I wouldn't go to Disneyland without them but I have no qualms about going to Alton Towers without them.

Anditstartsagain · 15/07/2018 10:39

We are booked for Amsterdam in March leaving the dc with my sister I can not wait. It's great for our relationship to have couple time and we do plenty with the kids I would say for every 100 days spent as a family we have 1 as a couple.

peachypetite · 15/07/2018 10:40

Don't you want quality time with your husband?

Badtasteflump · 15/07/2018 10:42

Well it's up to you but I do think you ABU - unless your DC are really young.

When mine were tiny I didn't want to be away from them for too long, but by the time they were old enough to stay with Gparents & other relatives I was more than happy to have a night or two away with DH. I think your marriage needs time as just a couple, and that's hard to get, especially with young children. If you don't want to do it, I would wonder why.

Keeping your relationship as a couple and not just co-parents is so important, not just for you and DH but for your DC too. Giving them a bit of independence away from you is important too.

ItchyBitchFace · 15/07/2018 13:32

I don't think you are BU. I would hate to go away and leave my kids and they are 8 and 12. But there is a different dynamic in the set up of my relationship with OH as we can quite often have a full day to ourselves if our kids are with their other parents.
We rarely have a night away on our own and when we do I really enjoy it but any longer than that away from my kids I would hate.

Hanuman · 15/07/2018 13:35

Am jealous of those with the option! We don't have grandparents who are willing to do this.

CrackerCrisp · 15/07/2018 13:43

I think it’s important to do both. Holidays with the children but also a weekend away just the two of you. It’s important to take care of your relationship outside of the DC. We’ve had a night away twice since having DC and it was great although we did miss them. But just being adults instead of parents was wonderful.

PitterPatterOfBigFeet · 15/07/2018 13:45

I understand your feelings but if your DH is keen you should consider it. It's so easy to focus 100% on the kids and ignore the marriage. A little time alone (even if it's just a regular night out) away from kids is important if you can manage it.

aaatozedd · 15/07/2018 13:51

If you look at the bigger picture, nurturing your relationship is very good for your dcs. How about a night or two away in the UK at a nice hotel?

tomhazard · 15/07/2018 13:59

I like to do short breaks with DH that the dc wouldn't enjoy such as city breaks or places without pools/beaches.
If it's a beachy/pool holiday then I would feel bad if I left them out as I know they'd enjoy it. We do 2 family holidays per year, sometimes 1, and me and DH will try and do 2 weekend city or spa breaks if the grandparents will have he dc.

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