When parents make their children friend/spouse

[Codependent]

Are you married to someone like this and how has it effected your relationship?

This is one of the reasons why I'm leaving, just curious to see if someone else been through the same.

I don’t understand your title or OP

Sorry , I think it's called covert invest. It's basically when a parent or a mother in my case treats her son like her husband.

Incest sorry

Are you saying that your DH and your MIL are having a relationship?

Have you had a few wines, OP?

Is your husband Norman Bates?

I think you are talking about emotional incest? Where a parent makes a child (usually) step into the role of partner/spouse.

Why is this an issue for you now if you are already committed to leaving?

Do you mean when they are too involved in each others lives? Not a sexual thing? So for instance, a mil who wants to talk to/see her grown son everyday, is territorial over him, they possibly gang up on you?

I think you'd have to describe in more detail what's going on. I assume you mean your MiL emotionally treats your DH like her own partner. What exactly does this entail?

So for instance, a mil who wants to talk to/see her grown son everyday, is territorial over him, they possibly gang up on you?

This. Where did I mention anything sexual? .

Yes emotional invest.

With respect, Co, it was me who asked the sexual question, because I didn't understand the AIBU.

Basically they talk/text everyday, see each other most days and he will never say /do anything that upsets her, she tells him everything and asks him to come with her to her appts, or anything that she's doing. She comes before me etc.

What a horrid description for a close mother/son relationship. What is the term used when there’s a close mother/daughter relationship? Or is that perfectly acceptable?

Covert incest Is a sexual thing.

That’s why they use the word incest. There is no such thing as covert invest.

I think that it's fine to have a close relationship but if it's interfering in a marriage and the son does nothing or sees nothing wrong when the wife does then it is a massive issue.

Er, that’s not incest.

It sounds like your MIL is dependent on her son but that’s not a sex thing!

I've said it many times - the way a man treats his mother is how he will treat you.

You know in many parts of the country, and many cultures, its really quite normal to see/talk to your parents every day.

ItoldyouIwasgeeky

If you'd google "covert incest" you'd find out it really is a thing.

OP I don't think it's worth channelling anymore energy into the hows and whys, just be happy you're getting out! Do you have DCs?

I speak to my mum everyday and see her a few times a week - I love her and enjoy her company, what’s wrong with it? Or is it only weird when it’s mother/son or father/daughter?

It is a thing. I have seen it my family with my SIL and MIL. There isn’t enough room for anybody else. Hence we don’t have contact. They have lost a few boyfriends over the years because of it.

@DaisysStew you really can't see a difference between what you posted and what the OP has mentioned?

You’re not actually describing anything that terrible from your posts. I phone my mum everyday and go to all her hospital appointments with her. She’s my mum and she needs me to look after her. Is she controlling in other ways, does she try to turn him against you?

Not incest.

Emotional incest.

See also: “Enmeshment”.

@NewYearNewMe18 I don't mind speaking to her everyday, I get that's normal. She lives close, she comes round a lot, he never wants to upset her. He would rather sweep it under the rug than confront her if she's done something wrong. If we have plans, and she rings him for something he will cancel our plans and go to her.

If she slags me off, he will make every excuse for her. If we're going out for the day, he will invite her. She's so involved, that's what bothers me. She has no life, no friends. Her son is her life. She done everything for him growing up and treats him like a baby.

What’s with the ? All the OP has said is that they speak daily and he attends appointments with her, which is the same as me and my mum. I also try and avoid upsetting her because she’s my mum and I love and respect her. I don’t see how that counts as covert incest.