To want to throttle mums who complain their baby sleeps too much

[verytiredmumma]

Just that really. My baby doesn't sleep, has severe colic and is unhappy 90% of the time she is awake (which is a lot).

I've been to mummy groups and one mother was complaining that her baby seemed to sleep too much (12 hours at night and then 3x 2 hour naps during the day). I wanted to cry / launch something at her. My baby has not slept longer than 3 hours in one go her whole little life. She normally only does 1.5/2 hours at a time. She doesn't nap well either 😴

Yanbu. You dont have to go to groups. You might be happier watching netflix with baby held upright.

My eldest never slept. She did 3 whole hours in a row the night she turned 3 months and despite her now being 10 I still remember it and remember waking up feeling rested with my boobs filled with milk to my collar bones. I woke in absolute panic dd was dead as she'd never slept that long. She had colic and reflux.

I then had dtds (nearly didn't go for a second due to sleep). They were prem and slept amazingly.

Dd1 was an impeccably behaved toddler. I asked her to get her shoes, she got her shoes, and she's been so good ever since. One toddler tantrum in Clark's but that's it.

Dtd made up for all that lovely sleep by the tantrum load. I mean 10 by lunch time. Proper laying on the floor screaming arms and legs waving. Sometimes they did it together other times just one while the other would announce "I'm good mummy!" They pushed me to my limits.

So here is my theory, parents who have a tough time with newborns sail through toddler and teen stage fairly easily, but all of us will get tested to our limits by one of these stages. On this theory, all of mine will be fab teenagers.

This may be wishful thinking but I like to think those smug parents will have the smiles wiped off their faces at some stage

YABU. She could be more sympathetic to your situation but assuming they are not assholes getting a dig in, mums of good sleepers genuinely can’t comprehend what it’s like to be up all night, never getting more than 20mins to 2hrs straight all night for months on end. They are new mums too and will want to chat about their experiences and worries but they only really have their own baby for context. I could say to you OP I want to throttle you as you’ve no idea what it’s like to have 4 kids under 5 waking you up all night but I know what you’re experiencing is fucking miserable from my own experience so I can be fully sympathetic.

Mums just want to join the conversation but what else do they’ve have to discuss other than their own experience.

3 hours sleep is totally the norm for a baby. Some do sleep more but most wake up every few hours. It helps prevent SIDS so you can view it as a positive thing.

Sleep is down to each baby. You can't teach them. Dd1 was awful. Could have woken every hour. Never more than 3 hours. Bf constantly all night. Weaned at 22 months. Sleeps through the night most nights now. She's 2.9. Loves her own bed.

Dd2 slept like a dream until 5 months. Now needs fed/rocked to sleep. But still does good 3/4 hours at once. I think that's great.

@m0therofdragons I so hope your theory is correct! I wanted several DC before DD arrived and I am not sure I could go through this all again.

My poor mum probably would have throttled them. I only slept for one hour a day.
Oh but do keep in mind, op. and i cant stress this enough
It's very easy,very easy indeed for people to make out their little poppits sleep from 8pm -9 am and Then they have a 5 hour sleep in between.
You only live with your own baby.
You don't truthfully know hand on heart know what goes on behind closed doors.

@verytiredmumma unless you've been through it I genuinely don't think people understand. They're not deliberately smug just unaware of the reality of true sleep deprivation.

We were advised be a paediatrician to put dd into solids at 4 months due to reflux and weight loss. It did improve slightly and by six months she was better. It took until she was almost 3 for me to say, right it gets better so we can do this one more time! You can imagine my face when we were told baby number 2 was twins! If God exists then he's a bit of a prick

Keep going, it's not you doing anything wrong and you'll soon be out of this stage. I remember a health visitor saying it's the sign of a very clever child - presumably she was trying to make me feel better, however dd1 is exceptionally bright (academically... she has no common sense!)

I've enjoyed each stage more than the last and at 10 and 6 I can sit here on mn drinking coffee while they play/get their own drinks and sometimes bring me drinks!

She was complaining about that?! What did she say?

@youknowwherethecityis basically that she was worried her baby was in a sleep routine too young and that she should be feeding during the night and what if there's something wrong 🤨🤨

YANBU at all. Just tell them to shut the fuck up.

I also detest the 'have you tried...' brigade. I want to scream at them. Wtf do they think we are doing. I have tried it all, bought everything....to no avail. Just shut your beaks.

Just because you have worries about your baby, doesn't mean the other mum's worries are less real or valid.

I was really worried when my Dd slept so much. I think it was the first time I posted on here. She was in NICU for a week and I was terrified it meant she had a serious health condition they hadn’t found. I’m not dismissing your sleep deprivation-it’s torture. But it was also really scary having to forcibly wake dd for feeds.

I always think the unsaid rule of baby groups should be that if your baby is sleeping well then it’s best not to mention it.
Mine is a variable sleeper and I don’t dare tempt fate by talking about it when she’s going through a good phase

worried her baby was in a sleep routine too young and that she should be feeding during the night and what if there's something wrong

I get that you're sleep deprived but she is a mum worried about her baby and wanted to talk with other new mum's about it. She was hardly saying it to piss you off.

YABU. Having am overly sleepy baby can be worrying. My third was like this. Jaundiced, born at 37 weeks, 5lbs. She slept so much she barely gained any weight. It impacts badly on milk supply. V stressful.

Sleep + babies is not always a wonderful thing.

To those saying overly sleepy babies are worrying too... I do get it. Mine was badly jaundiced as she was premature and other than us forcing her awake to change/feed she slept the entire first two weeks.

Based on what you say she’s complaining about, YANBU. Is it her first, by any chance? She’ll soon learn that patterns and routines can change overnight for no apparent reason!

I worried at first with DD because she seemed so sleepy that I thought something might be wrong. If she’d been complaining about that, it would be different. Needless to say, I looked quite the twat when she started waking on the hour instead.

I agree with a PP - it seems that easy babies make harder toddlers and vice versa (this is purely anecdotal and contains no science!). Hang in there, I know just how hard it is, but there WILL come a day when you look back and miss those baby snuggles so much that your heart will hurt a little bit!

I have a ftm like this in my current baby class...

Just ignore...

Things change quickly..I have 4 dc...dc1 slept through the earliest of the 4 (4 months) but then woke every night from 15 months to 3 years..one of my friends had an angel dc - was calm, slept etc...but she has been the most difficult child since she was 4...

No.3 who is 3.5 still wakes occasionally...no. 4 is almost 10 months and has only ever slept in my arms. Hopefully this will pass sooner rather than later as I’m knackered and she’s heavy😩😩.

Good luck! It will pass...

@Montsti yes we're both ftm. I think it was a smug brag thinly veiled as a complaint/concern. I'm going to tell myself she will be the world's best toddler as a result of all her issues 😂 whatever gets you through right!?

It all changes so quickly first dd slept like a dream and barely cried, reached 2 and it was tantrums and several nightly wakings for a year, now 7 and has the worst attitude imaginable! Lol.
Dd2 awful sleeper, colic, reflux and constant bf, 9 months in and started sleeping through the night and never asks to jump in the big bed, slightly cheeky adorable 4 year old now.
Ds another awful sleeper, colic reflux and constant bf, sleeping no more than 1hr until 6 months then poof, 1 year old now and sleeping 10 hours most nights and a 2 hour daytime nap.

I wouldn't class that as complaining tbh. I think it's easy to feel like it is when you're tired and probably a bit jealous (understandably) that she gets to sleep as much as she wants, but 18 hours does seem a lot for a baby to sleep.

I was super lucky and my baby wasn't a bad sleeper but she never slept anywhere near 18 hours a day. If she did I'd probably be a little worried. And we are always told babies need to wake in the night and feed, so if hers doesn't do this you can see why she might be concerned that maybe her baby isn't eating enough.

Yabvu. I’ve known a lot of mums who say it’s hard to wake their baby or baby won’t feed much due to sleepiness. So they’re worried about responsiveness, weight gain, growth. Just because sleep is no 1 on your worry list!

YANBU!!

My daughter is 4 now and sleeps fine but I still feel bitter when mums of newborns talk about them sleeping for hours and hours. I found the newborn bit so horrific I couldn’t put myself through it again. I am a bit of a wuss though

I was never smug about DS sleeping well because I knew it could change. And it did. Four month sleep regression is all I'm saying.