Would you change your look for your employer?

[Mondkind]

Long story short, I am in a managerial position at my current work place and have successfully interviewed for another managerial position elsewhere. Not the same job, but more of a side-step than a promotion iyswim.

I have bright red hair and an ankle tattoo, which was visible throughout the interview day. No one mentioned my looks all day. HR have just sent me my contract and the staff dress code (among other documents). It blatantly states in there that unnatural hair colours and visible tattoos are strictly forbidden and subject to disciplinary procedures.

I'm a bit taken sad to see it go, but nevertheless, I have booked myself in with a hairdresser to neutralise my colour and will cover up my tattoo with opaque tights and trousers/ socks.

Friends have commented that I shouldn't have to let go of my individual looks for an employer as it is removing part of my identity - especially as they wanted me to work for them knowing fully well that I sport a more alternative look.

I think for the sake of £45,000 a year and my dream job I can overlook this and just use coloured hair accessories/ fake streaks and flash my ankles when I'm not at work.

What do you think?

So it's a school or college? My view as a parent is if the school has a very strict uniform code for students then you have to be discreet. As a parent, the tattoos would not please me, especially tbh if you are an ace teacher the children love because you are also a role model. As far as i'm concerned I wasn't paying £20k pa for the dc to come out yearning for tattoos because Miss Red Hair had them and was cool.

Sorry, I know that won't be the popular view on MNet.

I find puzzling this "I wouldn't change for a job". You don't need to change, you are who you are. But certain industries have a dressing code and if you want to work there, you need to comply or negotiate. Nobody forces you to work there

Yup. That’s exactly what I said, I wouldn’t make the change and therefore the role wouldn’t be for me.

As far as i'm concerned I wasn't paying £20k pa for the dc to come out yearning for tattoos because Miss Red Hair had them and was cool

I went to a school where my parents paid in tha region. They were perfectly happy for me to get tattoos. I’ve grown up successful. Tattoos don’t kill the education

We have a very clear line at the office I manage on rules like this. Get in line or shop out.

Whether it's dress code, attendance or any other of our policies, we won't hesitate to remove staff from the organisation who don't conform.

Otherwise, you can end up with a very toxic atmosphere in the organisation.

My sector doesn’t have enough high quality employees to start getting rid of them on the basis of whether or not they have tattoos or red hair! I would be inclined to check with the head/another senior person as frankly what’s written in the book va what’s enforced may well be very different.

It's certainly something to consider. I might do a year with a neutral colour and then 'forget' over the holidays. Ask for forgiveness, not permission. But I don't think I can do that until I've proven myself.

This reminds me of when I was 18 in my first job and I was told it was unacceptable that I wasn’t wearing full make up every day as I was on reception and needed to !

My son has long hair and a beard. He looks handsome and clean, but I think it has hindered him in job seeking in the past.

It's interesting because I thought no, I wouldn't change myself but I have talked to him about changing himself in the past.

Sunshades
Are you the one that patrols at work and locks the door so the staff can't get out?

As a general principle, I might dye my hair if I really wanted the job and it was to be a colour I liked. I don't think I'd dye it a colour that made me feel unattractive or that I hated. My ankles are pretty much always covered at work anyway as I tend to wear trousers so tattoo would be a moot point.

In your line of work, tbh I don't fancy the idea of doing that whilst sporting some of the things I might have to tell the kids and their parents they can't wear. I feel like someone would be bound to bring it up sometime and I just could not be arsed with my hair and tattoo being any kind of topic of discussion at work at all. Although you're the one that does the job, I don't, so maybe that's completely unrealistic.

In this instance I don't think the employer is BU just because of the potential for accusations of hypocrisy that nobody really needs: I have issues with a lot of dress codes that are unnecessary, especially with low paid workers, but I get the rationale for this one. I think it's reasonable of you to decide you want the job more than you want the pillar box red hair, and I also think it would be reasonable for the hair to matter more to you.

What larrythecat said.

Also Dye your hair and take the money.

I would tone down to start with and then see how it pans out and what others get away with etc...

Agree with @trinity0097 .

Depends how much you value your job I guess.

I was once told I couldn’t wear red lipstick and a certain perfume. I left. Fuck that.

To be completely frank, in your situation I wouldn’t really see that as discrimination and would do the same as you plan to. I don’t think that it would stilt your identity at all.

I think problems arises when employers are discriminatory against things people can’t change. EG a woman with a natural tightly curled Afro being told that her hair is inappropriate and needs to be straightened etc. Now that would be changing your identity for your employer.

Arise*

As you've asked, and neither HR nor your line manager knew if it would be an issue, I'd be tempted to leave your hair as it is. I know you've since seen the dress code but the way these are enforced in practice is often different from how they're written, and if people who already work there aren't sure, I don't think it's reasonable to expect you to be sure. Also, who would be enforcing the rule if it wasn't either of them - the Head?

@justaweeone

Yep, those are both policies we have at my place.

I'd check before you do it. Lots of written dress codes are loosely interpreted and I'd have expected them to mention it at interview if it was going of be a problem for them

I take out facial piercings and cover my tattoo at work because that’s what my students have to do and I don’t feel comfy asking them to comply with a rule I’m visibly flouting.

I like that some bits of my appearance are just for me and I like that it’s my actions, not what I look like, that people notice in the workplace.

And I like putting my nose ring back in on a Friday because it marks the start of no-work time.

It's a bit like asking you not to wear platform shoes or fairy wings at work, in my opinion.

Isn't it the same as an employer asking you to wear high heels?

Just take red down a notch so instead of pillar box red go for a red/brown or auburn. Don't see problem with ankle tattoo tbh

I would love to have flame red hair and tattoos and considered going for it earlier this year but realised that given I have a senior role in the city and I freelance it would limit my earning opportunities.

Similar - years and years ago I used to work as a PA usually doing long stretch maternity covers. One guy I was working for called me in and said 'this is awkward, but I am going to a very acrimonious divorce and you are wearing the same perfume as my soon to be ex wife'. I wear perfume every day and I told him it was a new bottle, he asked if I had another perfume I could wear. I told 'No, I buy one bottle at a time as it goes off'. He said 'If you buy a different bottle of perfume I will pay for it'. He was keen to say that he knew it was a lot to ask and I was entitled to say 'no'. Funnily enough, discussing it with friends was very divisive. Some said he was being ridiculous, others said poor bloke. I did buy another bottle of perfume. I left the receipt on his desk and the next morning the exact cash was on my desk and nothing else was ever mentioned. At the end of the placement, his PA came back and he bought me a lovely leaving present and gave me a glowing reference.

I think you have a good attitude to it OP. You can always see how the land lies once you are in the job.

Within reason I will change the way I present. There are red lines for me like heels. But I can do suits and dresses. (Current job is casual). I think clearly for you the requirements are red lines, so go for it.

I guess it depends if the pay is worth it for you!

A job would have to pay an awful lot of money before I would allow it to encroach on my free time. I'll abide by a dress code, because I can change the moment I leave work, piercings can go back in, etc. If I can never have a tattoo or my hair the colour I wanted, then they'd better be paying me enough to account for the fact they are ruling my whole life, not just the hours I'm at work. And I say this as someone with no tattoos who has never dyed my hair!

It used to be teenagers who used extreme body and facial changes to try to show how unique they were.
Yeah and you aren't allowed it at school either so when exactly in your life are you meant to be able to do it

I have very little tolerance for dress codes either tbh though. It makes me quite angry that people spend so much energy faffing about things that make virtually no difference to anything.