AIBU to miss friends hen?

[user56]

My friend is getting married next June and it's going to be a big, grand affair. I have a 5 month baby and have recently found out I'm expecting again, due November so there will be a years gap between them. When I told her what I thought was happy news her first reaction was to say well you won't wanna come to the hen weekend (abroad). When I said I think it will be difficult with a newborn and just over 1 year old she made it clear she's very disappointed in me and is still expecting me to go. Of course I don't know what the jump from one to two will be, but it k be honest with them both so little I don't want to leave them even if I could. I don't want my friend to be disappointed in me as I know her hen means a lot to her, but I'm also really disappointed that she made me sharing my baby news about her and her hen and isn't trying to see it from my POV.

I wouldn’t go.

However I think hens/stags abroad are really tacky and over the top. The level entitlement expecting people to use their annual leave for a hen/stag is astounding.

YANBU. She needs to learn that things change in life and your life doesn't revolve around her "hen" ffs.

If she gets annoyed or falls out with you, then she's lost a good friend for nothing and when she has her own children, she will probably be the biggest drama queen out there regarding them!

The wedding is almost a year away. I’d start distancing myself now. If your friend’s immediate thought on hearing that you're pregnant is to be upset about her piss up weekend then she’s not worth being arsed about.

TBH I think you’ve dodged a bullet. The whole big build up to a me me me event is tiresome.

Congratulations on your happy news.

She can be disappointed all she wants, it doesn't change your circs!
Please don't spend a fortune and time away from your babies that you don't want just to stop someone having a tantrum. She's just going to have to realise that it's not all about her and grown ups have lives that aren't about her.

And congratulations!

Congratulations!
Tell her that she was right the first time! You won’t be able to come away for her hen night.
If the friendship means a lot to you and this is just bridzilla and not her usual self then suggest a meal out just the two of you or with others who can’t attend the hen night.
If this is just her usual behaviour then you don’t need her as a friend anyway - distance yourself and concentrate on you own family and the nice friends who do care.

If your friend’s immediate thought on hearing that you're pregnant is to be upset about her piss up weekend then she’s not worth being arsed about

This^^. She sounds very entitled and fucking rude.

Congratulations . I hear small gaps like that are tough for the first bit, but then lots of fun !

Tell her you'll take her out for a meal before the wedding

When is the hen? I don’t see why you can’t go if your baby is 6 or 7 months old. Do you want to go?
She shouldn’t have made it about her but that’s what people do. They’re normally just better at hiding their thoughts. If you don’t go to punish her for being petty, that’s grand. But do weigh up what you’ll be losing, too. If you’re not too concerned about keeping this friendship that’s fine. But do appreciate that a mom of 2 young babies will need all the friends she can get. But only you know if this woman is a friend who misspoke or if she’s always selfish.

Congratulations. I wouldn't go even without adding a new born into the mix. Definitely don't go, and like a pp said start distancing now.

The bridezilla virus is a particularly nasty strain this year it seems!

Hen dos and weddings abroad are expensive and inconvenient for guests. If you choose to have one, you shouldn’t be annoyed with anyone that can’t (or doesn’t want to) come

YANBU.

If you want to go, go. If you don't, don't. It's that simple. She's being precious about it already. Don't waste any sleep over it.

The bridezilla virus is a particularly nasty strain this year it seems!

@Slanetylor she's not 10O% sure date yet but yes I expect baby number 2 will be about 6 months. I will still be breastfeeding at that point too so I don't really want to make alternative feeding arrangements either. Another one of the hens (a bridesmaid) is also having a baby who will be about the same age has said she's still gonna go, which the bride brought up too. I do think our situations are a bit different as I'll have two very little ones, and this other hen it will be her first and it's all well and good making plans like that now but you just don't know how you're gonna feel when bubba arrives

She sounds awful and very selfish. It’s hard at the beginning with 2 young children. It’s also expensive too. If you don’t want to go. Then tell her now. Then you can stop stressing about the situation and look forward to your new baby.

The other hen may well feel differently when her baby is here.

The other hen may well feel differently when her baby is here.

Or she might not. People are different. This other hen’s decision isn’t relevant to the op’s one at all.

Am I right in thinking you'll have nine months between your two? Wow

Exactly @PurpleDaisies so the bride to be shouldn't have mentioned it.

Yeah look...people tend to prioritise their own stuff. You are and so is she. Your priority is your babies, hers is her wedding and hen do. Kids aren’t the be all and end all of everyone’s existence. She hasn’t got children yet so she’s in a different place to you. It doesn’t make her a horrible friend. If you can’t go you can’t go...but don’t be surprised she’s sad about her event being compromised.

Same planet - different worlds.

If it was my hen do and my friend was going to struggle to come because she had two very small children, I would tell her not to worry at all. Not everyone would like to travel abroad and leave their children behind, I know I wouldn’t have when my children were that age (due to circumstances).
I would leave it open and say your hoping to come obviously but you’ll have to see how you feel once baby is here. Just because the other friend is saying she’s definitely going now doesn’t mean she actually will, she might change her mind when baby is here.

Congratulations!

If she’s annoyed she’ll just have to get over it. It’s a hen do, not a command performance.

It’s important to her but not more important that your small children.

I’m sure you won’t be the only friend unable to attend.

Foreign Hen weekends are expensive and fraught with various kinds of difficulty. I never accept invitations to them, the world still turns.

Unhelpful but I completely misunderstood the title and thought the op was sad as her friend had got rid of a chicken!

@StealthPolarBear no there will be a year. My little one is 8 months now and bubba two due November . Stupid me put 5 months above but I meant when I got preggo but how were you meant to know that

Even so, wow!