Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DP shouldnt hide to scare me at this time

41 replies

RantyMare · 13/07/2018 21:48

I have situational anxiety (not sure this is a technical or diagnosed term but I mean, I am generally fine but when something very stressful happens, even after It's over my nerves get bad, I can't sleep and I need to rest and be kind to myself. I just feel like something dreadful is going to happen all the time!

Anyway I am like this now and have been for a number of weeks. I won't go into why as it isnt relevant but DP is well aware.

I have just come downstairs after trying to nap as I didnt sleep last night and I have work tonight. I couldnt nap because of feelings of dread anyway, but as I came downstairs DP was hiding around a corner and jumped out at me in the hallway. It was like a delayed reaction but I panicked like hell, tears came shortly afterwards it was a huge shock.

AIBU to think if planning something like that and aware the person was feeling out of sorts atm, you'd think 'hm maybe not a good idea tonight!'?

OP posts:
shakeyourcaboose · 13/07/2018 21:50

Have you ever saught treatment for this?

Original poster
RantyMare · 13/07/2018 21:51

I take medication for it when it is bad like it is now. I'm fine 90% of the time though.

OP posts:
peony2325 · 13/07/2018 21:54

I hate hate hate when people do that to me at the best of times (jumped out of my skin yesterday when the postman tapped on the kitchen window rather than ringing the doorbell) so you are definitely not being unreasonable.

CambridgeAnaglypta · 13/07/2018 21:54

I'm sure he didn't mean to upset you. He is aware you are suffering and wanted a bit of fun. Don't be hard on him.

Gardenpicnic · 13/07/2018 21:55

Jesus Christ, your DP is an arse. I would have gone absolutely mental Hmm

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 13/07/2018 21:56

YANBU as much as your mental health is opened by you those around you need to think about how you feel as well.

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 13/07/2018 21:56

owened ffs

shakeyourcaboose · 13/07/2018 21:57

Have you tried a talking therapy like CBT? Have you been able to define what you are anxious about or what 'bad thing' that can happen is? Maybe he's in a misguided way trying to show that you can be v v anxious and still get through it?

50shadesofgreyismylaundry · 13/07/2018 21:58

Is he always a total bellend? Or is he ten years old?

HeckyPeck · 13/07/2018 21:58

Dick move by your partner. I hope he at the very least apologised and promised never to do it again.

Bambamber · 13/07/2018 21:58

Sounds like the kind of stupid thing my husband would do. He means no harm, he just doesn't think. I have anxiety and since moving into our house, I keep getting this overwhelming fear that we will be burgled. Knowing this, he crept into the house the other while I was in the bath and jumped into the bathroom. He got a shampoo bottle to the head before I realised it was him.

Original poster
RantyMare · 13/07/2018 22:00

I have had counselling. It's difficult though because It's so sporadic! It happened approx a year ago for a few weeks, before that it was about a year prior to that, and then now. It's always when I am under huge amounts of stress so I am aware why it happens and it doesnt last very long. The thing that does help is rest and doing as little as possible when not working etc.

OP posts:
formerbabe · 13/07/2018 22:02

It's a really shit thing to do, anxiety or no anxiety. Yanbu.

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 13/07/2018 22:04

Do you know what? I’d fucking be this close to leaving him for that. Seriously. Or better yet, if it happens to be your house, kick him the fuck out.

I would tell him that if he dares do it again It would be the last he would see of me.

What an utter twat.

wellBeehivedWoman · 13/07/2018 22:07

YANBU, that was a shitty thing to do

UpstartCrow · 13/07/2018 22:08

What does he get out of scaring the shit out of you?
I had a friend who's DH kept doing it, even while she was heavily pregnant. One time she caught the look on his face and left him soon after that.

Original poster
RantyMare · 13/07/2018 22:08

Thank you all. Yes she did apologise (I'm gay, does the fact It's a woman make it better or worse? lol). And gave me a huge cuddle. I'm all hot and bothered now though still half an hour later. Ugh.

OP posts:
Original poster
RantyMare · 13/07/2018 22:10

I've also just said 'I know It's not your fault my nerves are bad, but they are, they're bad.' No response. Which has annoyed me.

OP posts:
Original poster
RantyMare · 13/07/2018 22:11

bamber I hope it was a huge 'megavalue' 2L shampoo bottle!

OP posts:
HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 13/07/2018 22:12

It’s not better or worse but it is definitely just as bad.

I seriously would not accept that from someone who is supposed to love me, care for me and have my best interests at heart.

At best it demonstrates that she has no understanding at all of how difficult anxiety can be, at worst she doesn’t care.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 13/07/2018 22:15

I hate this. ‘Pranks’ in general I think are unfunny and sometimes cruel.

I don’t have anxiety but I do have a very visceral reaction to things like this - DH knows that if he does something like this he’s likely to get a slap thrown his way.

MrsJBaptiste · 13/07/2018 22:15

Do you know what? I’d fucking be this close to leaving him for that. Seriously. Or better yet, if it happens to be your house, kick him the fuck out

Well you sound like a barrel of laughs...

Wedontbelievewhatsontv · 13/07/2018 22:17

My first and immediate reaction to being given a fright is to be angry or quite annoyed... so you take your chances if you do it to me 😏It's never funny to me. He's a total dick ! Yip, he should have thought beforehand but clearly couldn't- so you will have to clarify his thinking for him! He's never to do that again or you'll not be responsible

TinklyLittleLaugh · 13/07/2018 22:19

That's such a mean thing to do. I'd honestly be rethinking my relationship with someone as emotionally insensitive.

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 13/07/2018 22:20

It’s different if pranks are what you do and if both of you lfind it funny.

But if anyone who purported to love me dared do something like that when they knew I was suffering from anxiety/stress and severe effects thereof, I absolutely would not be sticking around. If they were living in my house they would be gone. But yeah, I’m not one for being treated badly or disrespected,.